Animals: Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere... - FML

By Ethan - 17/10/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 032

You deserved it 2 387

Alexa, put on "Trust" by Low

Power tripping

Bye bye love

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 656

You deserved it 4 470

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 14:26 - United States

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 854

You deserved it 5 522

By Fucked - 16/01/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 526

You deserved it 40 715

Shut up! Shut up!

By Steve - 30/04/2021 01:59

Today, I found out the guy taking the cubicle next to mine is the annoying dudebro who punctuates, like, every sentence he says with, like, the word "like" every, like, three words. Like… FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 92

By rugernut13 - 16/10/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 105

You deserved it 6 438

By Toolate - 21/12/2016 12:26

Today, after having gone off the pill a couple of weeks ago, I finally got my old friskiness back only to find part of a condom wrapper in my husband's pocket. Turns out he was impatient and went elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 560

You deserved it 1 320

By notnerb - 19/05/2009 10:13 - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 767

You deserved it 8 556

By cbarr98 - 06/06/2015 01:00 - United States - Orange City

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 765

You deserved it 2 988

By backwardsinlife - 05/10/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 397

You deserved it 45 456

By merse - 18/02/2010 13:20 - United States

Today, my parents decided they won't pay for college because of a Fox News story that said higher education "makes you liberal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 945

You deserved it 3 133

By unlolable4321 - 28/04/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 281

You deserved it 5 640

By mmromig - 08/02/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 422

You deserved it 5 563

By InnocenceBlue - 02/09/2019 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I finally sorted out my health insurance and went to the doctor. After seeing my X-rays and confirming I still had scoliosis, he also confirmed arthritis in both hips, 2 exploded discs and that I have "the back of a 50 year-old." I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 112

Gassy

By Anonymous - 06/12/2010 22:53 - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 900

You deserved it 9 045

By Bambi - 12/08/2009 06:49 - United States

Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 168

You deserved it 46 093

Grief is weird

By Denni - 03/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister called me a selfish cow, all because I wouldn’t let her have a portion of my daughter’s life insurance check so she can go on a shopping spree. She’s more upset about that than her niece passing way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 951

You deserved it 45

By Can you say "bandwagon"? - 03/10/2012 21:33 - United States

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 347

You deserved it 4 679

By schmoodles - 07/05/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 760

You deserved it 70 805

By Cyberdeeder - 13/10/2008 08:19

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 052

You deserved it 20 241

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 17:20 - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 718

You deserved it 4 349

By Retarded - 05/09/2013 06:57 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I was asked to dumb myself down so the people I was training could comprehend what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 710

You deserved it 6 976

By ohhmydamn - 31/07/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 661

You deserved it 70 520

By kysier - 01/03/2015 23:36 - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 314

You deserved it 2 407

By Nathanael Johnson - 30/07/2019 16:00

Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 121

By ugadawgs09 - 02/11/2011 04:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 362

You deserved it 14 157

By Broke Mama - 24/12/2011 14:38 - United States

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 650

You deserved it 7 952

By Bandking - 17/03/2014 21:48 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 109

You deserved it 5 458

By Noname - 17/03/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222 644

You deserved it 18 952

By jenjam - 05/07/2012 00:50

Today, I bought a home at a bargain. It will need 5 grand in repairs to fix plumbing and electric, but it's mine. When I pulled up the listing to show pictures to my friends, there was a new listing that was in the same neighborhood, and a larger, nicer house that is move in ready. Same price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 062

You deserved it 5 749

By stuckhome - 08/04/2011 11:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband told me that he can't find his passport. We're supposed to be leaving for Prague in two days. He's known about the trip for months. It was the anniversary vacation that was going to help our frayed relationship. Now my money is going to a hotel in Prague, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 730

You deserved it 4 281

By CaptainFluffyPaw - 29/06/2015 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 707

You deserved it 1 853

By Anonymous - 22/05/2017 12:00

Today, I worked construction building a hotel. I was taking out the trash when I suddenly felt an extreme urge to poop. I ran into one of the rooms and found an empty cardboard box to poop into. Finished, I closed the box and made my way to the door. I then saw my boss staring at me from the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 4 473

By Anonymous - 20/02/2012 03:00 - Canada

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 338

You deserved it 57 553

By Whoops - 06/06/2011 01:44 - United States

Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 641

You deserved it 4 515

By itchyyet - 03/01/2016 05:52 - Australia - Hawker

Today, a friend who visited me a week ago with "allergy rashes" told me that it's actually scabies, and she hopes I didn't catch it from her. It takes 2-6 weeks for the symptoms to show and I can't use the medication for it anyway because I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 683

You deserved it 1 494

Bougie

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went to the Louis Vuitton store to repair the broken handle on my handbag. Upon review, they told me that my handbag was not an authentic Louis Vuitton. I essentially paid $1600 for a fake that I can no longer use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 1 366

By Anonymous - 03/09/2017 20:00

Today, while eating s'mores with my boyfriend's family, I misplaced my false tooth. With a team of flashlights and hurt pride, my expensive tooth was found. In dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 374

You deserved it 461

Damn kids!

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 13:57

Today, I found out that my 9 year-old cousin logged into my main chess account and lost 1700 points on purpose down from 2300. Which took 8 years of grinding and several national championships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 158

By Samaritan - 19/01/2010 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 651

You deserved it 2 985

By professorsdaughter - 19/06/2014 05:28 - United States - Spokane

Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 656

You deserved it 4 826

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:24

Maybe you transform into a cat at night and have no recollection of this. Mystery solved.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 19:59

FYL. That's disgusting.

Comments

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Saturday 17 October 2009 19:59

FYL. That's disgusting.

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:31

mmm muchos gracias

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:00

do you have any siblings?

godsrightnutsack 0

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:36

WIN

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:10

Vacuum?

StrickenNerve 0

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:11

What the fucking fuck?! FYL.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:13

lmao agreed with #4

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:24

Maybe you transform into a cat at night and have no recollection of this. Mystery solved.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:36

Better invest in a giant kitty litter box

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:27

Maybe you have haters or a cat just just got in your house.

what_the_fail 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 8:09

Ghost cats.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:29

Well, that was the problem: If you HAD a cat, then it would have been trained to prevent other cats from getting in your house and letting this happen.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:41

YDI For Not Closing The Window

lissn 0

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:46

You can't be serious.

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Sunday 18 October 2009 3:42

I fucking HATE pet owners that let their dogs/cats out and let them shit everywhere. Even if you pick it up there's still remnants.

PoopskinTheLiar 0

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Sunday 18 October 2009 19:36

@#11: Oh, sure. Close a BIG GAPING HOLE IN THE WINDOW.

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Monday 19 October 2009 5:14

Maybe he doesn't have air conditioning and can't sleep with the window closed because it gets too hot.

FallonFerSure 6

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Thursday 13 January 2011 16:20

LMFAO

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Saturday 17 October 2009 20:52

well u do now... or did have a cat... hmmm, i dont no where im going with this

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 33

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 24