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Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

#13692696
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23296) - you deserved it (8825)

On 11/02/2010 at 8:57pm - misc - by StayPositive - United States (Maine)

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

#19981666
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23295) - you deserved it (2533)

On 07/24/2012 at 2:33pm - kids - by Jessi (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

#18284255
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23294) - you deserved it (2919)

On 11/18/2011 at 8:58pm - love - by Trey - United States (Texas)

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

#18995010
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23294) - you deserved it (2721)

On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

#20495981
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23295) - you deserved it (2846)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

#10713367
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23293) - you deserved it (2979)

On 05/23/2010 at 2:02pm - kids - by rkl2010 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend's feet. FML

#19453848
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23293) - you deserved it (2919)

On 04/12/2012 at 1:30am - love - by Kayla (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

#12321960
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23288) - you deserved it (8988)

On 08/05/2010 at 12:38am - misc - by AmNot (woman) - United States

Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that includes the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML

#17870431
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23288) - you deserved it (2559)

On 09/30/2011 at 11:12am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

#19501671
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23287) - you deserved it (1708)

On 04/20/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by ohgodwhy (woman) - United States

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

#19967634
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23288) - you deserved it (3360)

On 07/21/2012 at 11:08am - love - by marquez_jasmine - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

#9066532
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23285) - you deserved it (9517)

On 03/14/2010 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditiorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and clapped. FML

#20069005
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23285) - you deserved it (3469)

On 09/12/2012 at 4:11pm - misc - by conspicuous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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