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The all-time greatest FMLs

By ragass_mctree - 29/09/2010 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I passed out at a party after having a few too many, as one does. I woke up with swastikas and penises drawn on my face with permanent marker. I now have to go home, using public transport, to my prudish, Jewish dad who thought I was at my friend's house for a sleepover with no alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 051

You deserved it 49 282

ragass_mctree tells us more.

ragass_mctree 3

Saturday 2 October 2010 18:49

dude im young, sensible and i hardly ever drink. it was my best friend's birthday party and she's leaving the country in a couple of weeks. i couldnt stand the pain of dealing with her not being here anymore so, and i agree it was stupid, drank on an empty stomach but accidentaly drank too much. dont lecture me if u dont know shit about what the situation was please

Common issue

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after an argument with a coworker, I sent him, "Sorry about being such a jerk" in a reply to a mass email he'd sent. I accidentally hit 'Reply All'. I now have 32 "It's okay" messages in my inbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 049

You deserved it 32 794

By Fish Breath - 03/06/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 047

You deserved it 4 144

You OK dude?

By dragos_dgt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Romania

Today, at work, my boss stared at me from behind while I made hand gestures and noises at a toaster. I was pretending to be Magneto. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 046

You deserved it 33 779

Desperate times, desperate measures

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 046

You deserved it 30 016

Fast and Furious

By TooQuick - 27/04/2016 12:19 - Mozambique - Maputo

Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 044

You deserved it 2 806

By IJustWantedCheez - 27/09/2016 17:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 042

You deserved it 3 051

By bluntedone - 03/02/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 041

You deserved it 52 185

Confused

By kise - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - France - Paris

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 039

You deserved it 34 328

By kentrm - 11/05/2016 02:12 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 037

You deserved it 1 469

Leave me alone !

By failfailfail - 30/09/2009 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a big exam. Twenty minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled, "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 037

You deserved it 51 618

By Anonymous - 18/07/2016 05:29

Today, my best friend and I got in a fight, and we have a 3 hour drive back home together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 035

You deserved it 2 072

By Username - 18/02/2011 09:33

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 030

You deserved it 44 959

By needurlove - 15/04/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 026

You deserved it 48 156

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 15:49 - United States

Today, realizing how poor I am, I decided to steal gas. The only place I was brave enough to steal from was my parents' lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 025

You deserved it 38 470

By Anonymous - 25/09/2016 12:11 - United States - Richmond

Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 024

You deserved it 1 214

Belter

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 22:29 - Canada

Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 018

You deserved it 49 600

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 018

You deserved it 45 932

By baddriver - 31/01/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to get my license. I almost ran over my evaluator as he was walking to get in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 017

You deserved it 24 610

By holly10350 - 14/10/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 017

You deserved it 30 049

By JB - 07/12/2011 14:29 - United States

Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 017

You deserved it 28 769

By Oops_Im_Blushing - 13/11/2016 06:14

Today, my date kept offering to drop me off back home because he thought I wasn't enjoying myself at the dance. I wasn't enjoying myself at the dance because he kept asking if I wanted to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 016

You deserved it 866

Oops_Im_Blushing tells us more.

Oops_Im_Blushing 12

Monday 14 November 2016 17:43

Hi guys, I'm the OP here! And I just want to clarify somethings. I in fact told him that I was enjoying myself and that he didn't need to keep asking. And I don't think it was that he didn't want to spend time with me as he texted me later seeing if we could see eachother the next day. So I still have no idea lol.

By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 13:47

Today, my college dormitory accused me of something I didn't do, breaking a law that I never heard of, charged me $200 to fix "what I did wrong", and is forcing me to go to counciling at the school. Not only was I not on campus when it happened, but I was the one who reported the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 012

You deserved it 791

By rufus_t_firefly - 03/10/2016 18:48 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, a customer at work asked me to ring her a taxi. The phone number she gave me was for a company 250 miles away. The woman on the other end thought I was deranged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 011

You deserved it 894

rufus_t_firefly tells us more.

rufus_t_firefly 9

Tuesday 4 October 2016 14:45

Hi OP here. Basically I work in a houseware and DIY store and the customer was a bit awkward in the first place. As she was leaving she asked if I could ring her a taxi, and I said I could if she had the phone number. She gave me a business card with a number on which I rang but the lady on the other end hadn't heard of where I work so she asked what town I was in. When I told her I was in Leicester she told me she was in Cornwall which is right at the far south west of England. I don't know whether she thought I playing a prank or was some sort of idiot. The customer herself seemed surprised the number was for Cornwall so what she was doing with the business card I don't know. To top it all off after we told her we didn't have a local taxi number she went outside to ring her son. On her mobile phone.

The Jack Nicholson look

By jake - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally shaved part of my eyebrow. It now looks like I'm trying to raise one without moving the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 009

You deserved it 22 714

Long time coming

By heaventlyassbutt - 30/11/2016 12:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of time since I've been looking for a job. I got an e-mail yesterday from a company for a telephone interview which I was happy about. The day of the interview, my phone is disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 009

You deserved it 1 020

By MJensen - 10/05/2016 21:57 - Denmark - Herlev

Today, I wanted to be nice to my boyfriend and buy him a cake. Not only did I drop it in the bus, when I got home I forgot that I'd put it on my bed, and sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 007

You deserved it 4 289

By AmberHavoc - 02/01/2013 15:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 003

You deserved it 46 841

Probably for the best

By TooInnocent - 07/07/2016 17:44 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 003

You deserved it 2 247

By saashtow - 07/10/2016 05:00 - United States - Auburn

Today, I told my boyfriend the exact moment I fell in love with him: when we made eye contact in a crowd on our fifth date. He asked if I wanted to know what he was thinking at that moment. I then found out it was, "I really hope she can't smell that fart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 002

You deserved it 1 472

saashtow tells us more.

saashtow 8

Saturday 8 October 2016 4:47

OP here! I did laugh. That's all there was to do. It just caught me completely off guard, I was expecting something sweet or romantic. But it's definitely something that he would do. And no, I couldn't smell it because I have a sinus condition that prevents me from being able to smell- he just didn't know it at the time.