Today my date kept offering to drop me off back home because...

By Oops_Im_Blushing - 13/11/2016 06:14

Today my date kept offering to drop me off back home because he thought I wasn't enjoying myself at the dance. I wasn't enjoying myself at the dance because he kept asking if I wanted to leave. FML

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Oops_Im_Blushing Say more :

Hi guys, I'm the OP here! And I just want to clarify somethings. I in fact told him that I was enjoying myself and that he didn't need to keep asking. And I don't think it was that he didn't want to spend time with me as he texted me later seeing if we could see eachother the next day. So I still have no idea lol.

Broken

Love

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Tidy your room

By Me - 10/9/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

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By woohoo420 - 4/4/2012 16:14 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 00:33 - United Kingdom - Knowle

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

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By jseid2 - 15/1/2014 05:54 - United States - San Leandro

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

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By Noname - 14/2/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry..." FML

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By lex31 - 14/2/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

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By where's the epipen - 23/10/2016 06:41 - United States - Tampa

Today, I accidentally stepped on a dead bee. The stinger was still intact. How do I know? It stung my foot. I'm allergic to bees. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 06:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

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By Fredgruff - 9/1/2010 13:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

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By gman - 12/9/2018 03:30

Today, I've been seeing this girl for three months. After asking her if she'd like to go out to eat with me, I realized that she never called me by my name, just "hey you". While we were out, I wondered what she had me saved as, so I texted her when she got up to use the restroom. It was "free food". FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2015 20:50 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

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By Anonymos_fmler - 21/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

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By lrn2spel, teach - 12/12/2013 18:00 - United States - Mogadore

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

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By waitwhat - 18/3/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I was browsing some hardcore porn sites. My mum decided to barge into my room uninvited, so I quickly switched tabs. Unfortunately for me, all five other tabs were also parked on porn galleries. Now my computer and phone are confiscated, and I can only get online at the local library. FML

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By clecker - 8/10/2009 10:24 - Australia

Today, I finally paid off the massive debt on my credit card. I came home only to find that almost everything I owned had been repossessed an hour before I paid the debt. FML

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By BoohooBouquet - 19/3/2017 14:00

Today, my girlfriend got super paranoid when I received flowers, along with a card saying what a "lovely time" the sender had last weekend. My girlfriend decided this was proof I'd cheated on her. The card was signed "Vanessa," which is also her mother's name. Who stayed with us last weekend. FML

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By concernedsis - 4/2/2016 14:53 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

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By mando - 6/10/2011 15:14 - Australia

Today, at work, I refused a customer a refund because there was nothing wrong with the item, and she didn't have the packaging. I then watched as she and her son rummaged through a public bin for the packaging. When I refused her again, she called me a "fucking idiot". FML

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By IStillHaveMy8hrShiftToGo - 11/3/2014 13:01 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I came in to work early at a restaurant to help out. I stocked, baked pies for the next day, cleaned and set over 50 tables, and vacuumed the entire two stories. When I went to send an order for the first customer of mine, I realized I hadn't even clocked on. Four ½ hours of work wasted. FML

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By athletiks - 26/3/2014 22:39 - United States - Pullman

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 19:13 - Sweden

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

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By blegh - 16/1/2009 04:57 - Switzerland

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

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By mista hunna - 8/9/2016 05:31 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I found the dog I lost while I was dog sitting. It was with its new adoptive family. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 22:01 - Australia - Traralgon

Best gift ever

Today, my toddler handed me a present and told me to keep it forever. It was a piece of dog poo. FML

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By xxlexi_lovexx - 29/3/2010 04:20 - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2012 06:41 - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

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By jaivolétonnez - 17/6/2015 05:54 - France - La Courneuve

Today, in a train, I did the old "I've got your nose" trick for a kid. He got off at the next stop, then waved something at me from the platform, then yelled, "I've got your keys!" FML

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 09:30 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

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By royalscenery - 27/10/2010 21:58 - Canada

Today, after discussing the side-effects of an insomnia aid, my doctor said that making a choice was naturally a difficult one, and that he would only prescribe it to me once I'd had "a good, long sleep on it". He then laughed out loud and called in the next patient. FML

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By grantsidiots - 27/11/2013 05:51 - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

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By noname - 4/1/2009 05:39 - France

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

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By Gitana - 22/4/2012 19:08 - Spain - Tafalla

Today, I was trying on some clothes in the store's changing room, when someone reached under the door and grabbed my purse, shoes, and pants. FML

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By allyshah - 20/2/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2009 13:12 - United States

Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML

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By urinetrouble - 4/5/2017 06:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while checking the men's bathroom at work, I noticed one of the air fresheners had fallen from the top of the paper towel holder into the garbage. It wasn't until I picked it up and examined it that I realized I was actually holding used urinal fresheners. FML

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By Ihadnoidea - 12/12/2015 19:41 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

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By Noname - 13/3/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

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By earlytermination - 6/9/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2010 21:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

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By thacupcakeassassin - 13/9/2016 05:51 - United States - Shippensburg

Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML

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Top comments

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6712565 - Monday 14 November 2016 9:43

If that's why you weren't enjoying yourself then maybe you should've just been honest with him. Would've saved you both an uncomfortable night.

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6712575 - Monday 14 November 2016 10:24

I've been one of those people when I was younger OP, always triple checking my date was having a good time. If you liked him, give him another chance - but preface the date with the stipulation that he's not allowed to ask you if you're having a good time and you'll tell him if not.

Give him another chance if he asks you out, some people are just more nervous than others

COMMENTS

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6712565 - Monday 14 November 2016 9:43

If that's why you weren't enjoying yourself then maybe you should've just been honest with him. Would've saved you both an uncomfortable night.

By mariusakke | 15

#6712567 - Monday 14 November 2016 9:48

communication is the answer :)

By christian1509 | 21

#6712568 - Monday 14 November 2016 10:06

Did you try telling him you were having a good time?

By StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6712569 - Monday 14 November 2016 10:10

He seems like a cow pen, because he's full of shit. Seems like he was just looking for an excuse to leave you. Someone who is not honest, good or bad, doesn't deserve anyone anyway

almost_there44 | 26

#6712787 - Monday 14 November 2016 22:08

Don't know how you jumped to that conclusion based on what OP said. We must have been reading two different submissions because it seems to me like there was a communication issue and not an asshole issue.

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6712859 - Tuesday 15 November 2016 1:33

Love how you're jumping onto my comments even though I stopped giving a shit about this site. Almost brings a nostalgic tear to my eye that you're on my balls.

almost_there44 | 26

#6712875 - Tuesday 15 November 2016 2:16

You stopped giving a shit, but yet you're on here AND commenting. Stop always feeling like someone is attacking you and grow the fuck up, the act is getting old.

izzajaneful | 24

#6713094 - Tuesday 15 November 2016 20:23

Jumping on your comments?

It's called a reply, and it's hardly a personal affront. Calm down, man, it's just FML. You're talking this way too seriously.

By Ashael | 5

#6712572 - Monday 14 November 2016 10:14

I think your date was looking for an excuse to "drop you off" at your house, and to go inside for "a last drink".

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6712575 - Monday 14 November 2016 10:24

By hpandher | 16

#6712578 - Monday 14 November 2016 11:04

He seemed nice and caring. Give him another chance.

By Jenmic | 14

#6712606 - Monday 14 November 2016 13:07

Talk about a self-fulfilling prophesy.

By Yudith_fml | 6

#6712610 - Monday 14 November 2016 13:21

Not-so-subtle hint about sexy time? He must have been disappointed when you just closed the door to his face.

Ashael | 5

#6712665 - Monday 14 November 2016 16:09

I wonder why we get downvotes for talking about this possibility...

Oops_Im_Blushing | 12

#6712676 - Monday 14 November 2016 16:48

Haha, yeah he definitely wasn't going for that. Barely got to the door before he left and went back to the dance

Leviathene | 34

#6712840 - Tuesday 15 November 2016 0:31

Wow!! He went back to the dance? Sorry OP, that's just harsh. I wouldn't go out with him again after that.

izzajaneful | 24

#6713095 - Tuesday 15 November 2016 20:25

Wow, he went back to the dance? That's completely ridiculous. Changes the whole FML, really. What an ass.

By Goblin182 | 26

#6712619 - Monday 14 November 2016 13:40

You should have told him he was relived of his "date duty" and free to leave, that you would find another way home.