Holidays: Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 38

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 135

03/12/2009 00:34

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 441

You deserved it 3 367

You tried

Walk the line

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

03/04/2012 17:48

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 000

You deserved it 5 206

24/02/2012 11:36

Today, my granddad had to start sleeping in my bedroom. He has flashback dreams to when he was a boxer, and he's already lamped my granny three times in his sleep. I get a camp-bed, and the chance to listen to him snore like a wild boar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 302

You deserved it 2 168

25/11/2012 09:07

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 163

You deserved it 2 239

21/11/2010 18:16

Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 525

You deserved it 8 866

Needs more training

By catlady'sdaughter - 03/07/2020 17:01

Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 111

16/01/2009 20:46

Spicy

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 464

You deserved it 3 055

16/09/2009 04:24

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 858

You deserved it 39 941

08/11/2015 10:03

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 999

You deserved it 1 820

03/10/2012 04:39

Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 574

You deserved it 21 576

31/03/2009 09:08

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 408

You deserved it 16 117

01/04/2009 06:07

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 748

You deserved it 12 613

Pubes of steel

By bushburn - 01/06/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, I had to finally give my boyfriend an ultimatum. Either he at least trims his giant mass of unruly pubes or no more sex. I feel I have no choice since his huge bush has left friction burns on my face and down below. He doesn’t see the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 231

01/10/2015 13:26

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in almost five years, at his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 487

You deserved it 3 715

13/09/2016 15:02

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 153

You deserved it 1 924

19/08/2014 21:54

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 895

You deserved it 11 770

11/04/2009 03:40

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 797

You deserved it 64 362

Everyday is like Sunday

By Anonymous - 04/09/2021 12:02

Today, I got turned down from a job I really wanted. Six hours later, the guy called me again and delivered the same news, not realizing he had already called this morning. Thanks for rubbing it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 046

You deserved it 2 770

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 13/06/2020 08:08

Today, a salesman came to the door and I assumed the guy was peddling solar stuff. Before the poor guy had a chance to say anything, I blurted out, "We don't need any, we only spend $80 on electricity in the summer." He pointed to his shirt and replied, "I'm an exterminator." I then tried to awkwardly apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 1 572

17/05/2009 02:21

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, why are we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone "Honey, we're not poor." She then asked, "Then why do you dress like we are poor?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 888

You deserved it 8 187

03/10/2011 20:49

Today, I finally got the nerve to tell my parents that I'm no longer going to pay them a flat percent of my salary, but only what they need to cover my expenses. Their response: "Better find a place of your own then, you freeloading bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 788

You deserved it 34 554

07/10/2009 22:36

Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 036

You deserved it 5 603

24/01/2010 02:14

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 314

You deserved it 25 400

27/07/2016 14:10

Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 167

You deserved it 1 386

14/08/2009 17:10

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 228

You deserved it 23 568

24/07/2011 00:09

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 284

You deserved it 6 861

04/03/2018 19:00

Today, my only day off this week, my cat decided that she wanted feeding at 5am and wouldn’t stop meowing till I filled up her bowl. She then refused to eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 864

You deserved it 711

20/08/2009 05:45

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there, to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride: 1 - Getting Laid: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 240

You deserved it 100 988

29/09/2015 03:18

Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 009

You deserved it 8 995

Alas, poor Donatello

By randomsamm - 17/10/2019 04:00

Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 204

06/08/2014 16:45

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 207

You deserved it 10 742

18/04/2014 23:59

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 311

You deserved it 3 704

13/02/2016 23:06

Today, I got a new phone. Only after berating the Sprint employee and Apple support desk because I could not call, text, or access the Internet did I find out that I didn't need to buy a new phone. It was just on airplane mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 995

You deserved it 29 302

Business school of business school

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 13:58

Today, I found out my husband hasn't paid the mortgage in 3 months. We have a joint account, but it has always been his job to pay the bills. We are in the process of selling our house, and when I asked him about it he said, "Why are you stressing? We're selling anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 114

19/02/2011 06:17

Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 681

You deserved it 5 885

21/01/2009 17:56

Today, I went to the bathroom and didn't realize my skirt was tucked in my ugliest underwear until I reached the elevator. Thanks for not telling me girl-in-the-yellow-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 371

You deserved it 5 068

06/03/2010 06:10

Spicy

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 605

You deserved it 32 080

28/03/2014 20:25

Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 614

You deserved it 4 806

30/01/2009 11:39

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 260

You deserved it 7 397

01/05/2013 04:44

Today, from the balcony of my apartment, I watched helplessly as a teen came along and peed through my car's open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 037

You deserved it 12 159

13/04/2009 19:41

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 550

You deserved it 58 171

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:21

Whoa...that's just fucked up all the way.

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:17

That sucks. Sounds like my family.

Comments

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:17

That sucks. Sounds like my family.

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Thursday 3 December 2009 15:34

you must have been a terrible child

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Friday 4 December 2009 9:11

I wasn't (and I'm still not) a horrible child. I was referring to my grandmother. Not my whole family. I guess I should have made that clearer. She tends to forget about random people in our family. She'll have a family reunion and not invite five people because she either forgot we existed or thought we weren't important enough. She doesn't have a mental illness or anything like that. I didn't mean that my situation was exactly like the OP's. I just meant that members of both of our families have a way of making you feel insignificant.

u_killed_kenny_ 0

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Friday 19 March 2010 3:23

man that would suck, not getting invited to vacation, but your ex gets to go.....

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 20:30

I don't understand how someone's parents could be that cruel to their own child..

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Friday 17 October 2014 6:09

Some say, if you want to get screwed, go to a whore house, but if you really want to get effed, go see a family member.

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:18

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

acoti 0

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Tuesday 15 December 2009 6:21

That sounds like a load of horse-shit. Did you tell them you wanted to go, or was it just them forgetting to invite you?

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:20

There must be something wrong with you. So FYL. They must see you as the party pooper, n they deffinetely dont wsnt you stinkin up their parade.

DomK 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 11:58

Irrespective of what someone is like, family is family.

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Thursday 3 December 2009 14:39

Blood means nothing. Family is about how you connect with and feel about someone.

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:21

Whoa...that's just fucked up all the way.

brunettesara5722 17

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 5:44

agreed

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Thursday 31 October 2013 5:55

Wow...what did you do to make them act that way?

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:24

haha wow u must be a pain in the ass or a real bitch...

_TheSmallThings_ 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:30

YOU ADOPTED CALL THEM OUT ON IT! THEN ASK FOR THE NAMES OF YOUR REAL PARENTS

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:31

I'm the Purple Sheep in my family too :)

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Tuesday 11 January 2011 19:26

I'm pretty sure the saying is black sheep, not purple..

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 23:35

no no, it's purple:)

MrPresidentBoss1 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:36

lol your family hates you. good luck with that.

Yapanesedidwhat 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:42

probably not very nice of me to say.. but... considering my family situation at the moment.. DANG I don't have it that bad! That harsssssssh sucks.... good luck though..?

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Thursday 3 December 2009 9:43

Ouch! I gotta say that really sucks. I feel soooo bad for you right now! God dammit, thats terrible!