By Anonymous

He's probably right

Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1831

You deserved it

198

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Commando

Vulture

Thanks for the heads up

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26278

You deserved it

274615

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By Misty Michelle Jones

Today, I purchased a rather expensive, self-cleaning litter box for my 4 cats. Now they're shitting outside of the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1492

You deserved it

330

Favorite

By Teaching - United States

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44896

You deserved it

4515

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By Anonymous - Canada - Westerose

Today I started a new job, I found out that my employer doesn't follow the labour laws and my new co-workers are planning on reporting the owner of the company. The owner is my father, and I want to help them report him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7020

You deserved it

781

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By sadf4x0r - United Kingdom

Today, I realised my girlfriend is the perfect woman for most men. She only ever talks to me in the intermissions on Modern Warfare 2; shame it's not me playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28586

You deserved it

6325

Favorite

By wingless_angel_7 - United States

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29494

You deserved it

8349

Favorite

By myl1f3isfuct - United States

Today, my college English teacher told me if I wanted an explanation for my grade I would have to schedule a conference to come to her office. It's an online class. I took an online class because I can't come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44330

You deserved it

4369

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By addict

Today, after spending over a year getting clean and sober, I started feeling horrible withdrawal symptoms and couldn't understand why. It turns out my wife had been dosing my food with Adderall "to keep me on track" and just stopped. So much for my anniversary chip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4974

You deserved it

286

Favorite

By Emoney1 - Canada

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31980

You deserved it

6836

Favorite

By dazed and confused - United States - Tampa

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38691

You deserved it

4311

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62743

You deserved it

3749

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By aloneinaz

Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6650

You deserved it

819

Favorite

By SoggyPancakes - United States

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33734

You deserved it

71605

Favorite

By Jade - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55243

You deserved it

9642

Favorite

By lynn - Australia - Bongaree

Today, my new roommate woke me up at noon to bitch about my "selfish sleeping habits" and how they ruin her ability to invite anyone over. I work the graveyard shift at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30205

You deserved it

2082

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By LifeInShambles

Today, I decided to turn my life around by finding a job, going to a gym, and getting counselling. Counselling is £145 a month. A gym would be £50 a month minimum, and there's an 8-year gap in my resumé, and everyone says no one will hire me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1672

You deserved it

514

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Manhattan

Today, it's the fourth day of my new diet. I told my friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in my pocket then scarfed them down while pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18997

You deserved it

49434

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Sackville

Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48552

You deserved it

6841

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58587

You deserved it

3625

Favorite

By Eric - United States

Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13275

You deserved it

24523

Favorite

By teriyaki124 - United States

Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65421

You deserved it

17824

Favorite

By Why Charlie!? WHY!?

Today, I woke up seeing my neighbor's 5-year-old daughter next to me. She said good morning and handed me a note from her dad saying that I owe him and he's cashing in. So, I'm babysitting as her parents escape to the Bahamas for 2 weeks. My annual 2 weeks vacation starts today too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3402

You deserved it

358

Favorite

By AnatomyLecture

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the size of a man's penis is not proportional to his height. He was insecure because he's 5'6" and assumed everyone taller had a bigger penis than him. He's 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6758

You deserved it

641

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 23:01

Sounds reasonable

Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me, ever since I told him I wanted to try for a baby. When I asked him why, he said it was because he likes lack of responsibility and money in the bank more than the thought of a screaming baby, no sleep and strong suicidal urges. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1102

You deserved it

1656

Favorite

By Stuckwiththebill

The show must go on!

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6467

You deserved it

410

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46868

You deserved it

3714

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked out of the operating room at the end of an emergency case. I spent ten minutes talking to a woman about her son before we realized I was talking to the wrong family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13204

You deserved it

28654

Favorite

By PlayboyBunny - United States

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33491

You deserved it

8614

Favorite

By kids are meh - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12038

You deserved it

1332

Favorite

By they've been broken up for a year. - United States - Dallas

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months yelled at me for not comforting her while she was crying because her ex got a new girlfriend, and "it's just not fair." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34876

You deserved it

2628

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants and he screamed "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3441

You deserved it

412

Favorite

By Angela - 8/3/2021 00:28 - United States - Birmingham

Fuck the lifescript

Today, my twice-divorced boomer mother made another passive-aggressive remark about my partner and I not being married, despite our 13-year relationship. What is this, 1950? We don't care about marriage, deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

834

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By PrettyScared - United States - Matthews

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68482

You deserved it

6029

Favorite

By wish his dad had worn one - United States - Clinton

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52545

You deserved it

5307

Favorite

By MirandaKristine - United States - Miami

Go forth and NOT multiply

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1263

You deserved it

297

Favorite

By FML - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is so low. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27685

You deserved it

4750

Favorite

By HeadTrauma - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27249

You deserved it

6868

Favorite

By TooYoungForThis - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45080

You deserved it

4972

Favorite

By Jae_Hellyun - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54935

You deserved it

4333

Favorite

By unknown - United States - Tulare

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57886

You deserved it

4468

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7805833 - Saturday 25 May 2019 0:10

Tell him the Green New Deal does not refer to tooth color.

By manb91gb | 14

#7805857 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:48

It's okay, giving blowjobs and having sex is also unnecessary under this argument. You win.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7805833 - Saturday 25 May 2019 0:10

Tell him the Green New Deal does not refer to tooth color.

Aphrodite | 20

#7805878 - Saturday 25 May 2019 4:36

😂😂😂😂😂😂

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7805845 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:07

hopefully, he's wrong..... hopefully.

By xnider | 5

#7805846 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:11

how did you even accept him as your boyfriend?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7805854 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:34

Actually life will cease when tectonic churning sequesters all carbon underground. Seriously, look it up.

By manb91gb | 14

#7805857 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:48

It's okay, giving blowjobs and having sex is also unnecessary under this argument. You win.

tounces7 | 27

#7805872 - Saturday 25 May 2019 4:15

Actually that would be even more reason to do that. If the world is ending, why not enjoy yourself as much as possible before it does?

By alwaysme28 | 8

#7805858 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:55

your boyfriend is disgusting, I just hope you do know that.

By onlyme25 | 26

#7805865 - Saturday 25 May 2019 3:48

Your boyfriend should probably stop being friends with Al Gore

By Amanda Jaworski | 23

#7805975 - Saturday 25 May 2019 14:12

Well duh, that’s like 4 extra minutes a day that he can game until the world ultimately ends!

By Bubbilility | 27

#7806001 - Saturday 25 May 2019 15:56

That's some next level 'acceptance' right there.

By Dane Broussard | 6

#7806134 - Sunday 26 May 2019 0:58

poor thing your boyfriend is retarded