By Anonymous

He's probably right

Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1820

You deserved it

197

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Proactive

Triage

Seize the means of production

By Matt - United States

Today, I was late for the bus. I chased after it for 3 blocks until I realized that the bus driver was laughing at me trying to catch her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34303

You deserved it

8516

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By NightHawk4926 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24246

You deserved it

1728

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By Nicole - United States

Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33448

You deserved it

3232

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By CalledOut - United States - Vancouver

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35334

You deserved it

2520

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By trauma is hilarious - 31/10/2020 17:59 - United States

CPTSD

Today, I was telling my new boyfriend some of my funny family stories. He gave me the most concerned look and asked honestly, “Have you ever thought about going to therapy?” Apparently the stories I told him not only weren’t funny, but pretty damn scary to him. Now he thinks I’m crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

882

You deserved it

306

Favorite

By dad - United States

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85445

You deserved it

8290

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By Charli

Today, after months of my (now ex) boyfriend telling me he wished I was blonde with big boobs, I finally retaliated with "I wish you were a redhead with a big dick, but you don't see me complaining." He cried and said I should love him for who he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3583

You deserved it

297

Favorite

By Robert

Today, I finally got medication to deal with my seizures. I've had them since I was 5, but my mother had always believed I was faking it. When I seized during a basketball game, she actually came onto the court and lectured the referee for "humoring" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5855

You deserved it

306

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Stillwater

Today, I was taken to the principal's office and bitched out about the dangerous weapon I brought to school. The "weapon" was a pocket fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44790

You deserved it

3194

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By vixenscars - United States

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27526

You deserved it

2467

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By mylove - United States

Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66889

You deserved it

12735

Favorite

By Anonymous

Cats gonna cat

Today, I got a new mattress delivered to my house. Didn’t have it on the frame for more than 5 minutes before my cat had already pissed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1379

You deserved it

341

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By failure

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20652

You deserved it

80661

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32934

You deserved it

12374

Favorite

By Yellowsmellow - Canada - Windsor

Today, and for the past two weeks, the people living directly above me have decided to add rearranging their furniture to their daily routines. Not only that but apparently, 6 a.m. is the most optimal time for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10267

You deserved it

670

Favorite

By alison - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33738

You deserved it

4892

Favorite

By Wheresthecreamfilling

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11015

You deserved it

1858

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44406

You deserved it

11813

Favorite

By aaalias34 - United States

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29913

You deserved it

8424

Favorite

By SoMuchPee - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after scrubbing every surface twice a week for a month, I finally found the source of the pee smell in my bathroom. Under the toilet. The people who built our house didn't think it was necessary to seal around the toilet. There was two years of pee under there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6141

You deserved it

370

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By mustachioed - United States

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18015

You deserved it

18753

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By mosaicevolution - United States - Decatur

Today, after finishing my second glass of wine, I walked out of the bathroom and saw the tag on my hair dryer from last year's rehab visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23165

You deserved it

16815

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51646

You deserved it

6124

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By seamonkeys - United States

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55216

You deserved it

13037

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By almost governmental - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51397

You deserved it

3064

Favorite

By Z - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, at work, I had to explain to a customer that she can't connect her tablet to her home WiFi while she's at work. I went to MIT for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10628

You deserved it

791

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By thechaos - United States - Pittsfield

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36494

You deserved it

4213

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35761

You deserved it

5024

Favorite

By lahiros - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68400

You deserved it

7503

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By Work_sucks

Today, I'm facing a disciplinary hearing at work because I occasionally fail to click the door properly shut when I leave the office and this is very upsetting to one of the six colleagues I share my office with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8984

You deserved it

1332

Favorite

By howtragic - Australia

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33486

You deserved it

3646

Favorite

By fishingforubies2 - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27868

You deserved it

1829

Favorite

By Dad41

Toynado

Today, I came home from work and found that my son had taken every single one of his toys out and left them on the floor. Plus some goldfish crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1303

You deserved it

278

Favorite

By red - United States - Portland

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24967

You deserved it

8214

Favorite

By random - United States

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23320

You deserved it

3358

Favorite

By Anonymous

Salad days

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8510

You deserved it

762

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bedford

Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32337

You deserved it

36180

Favorite

By Muscle - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68900

You deserved it

3938

Favorite

By kaichennnxx - United States

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60047

You deserved it

31826

Favorite

By volleyballgirl12 - France

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33914

You deserved it

6371

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7805833 - Saturday 25 May 2019 0:10

Tell him the Green New Deal does not refer to tooth color.

By manb91gb | 14

#7805857 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:48

It's okay, giving blowjobs and having sex is also unnecessary under this argument. You win.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7805833 - Saturday 25 May 2019 0:10

Tell him the Green New Deal does not refer to tooth color.

Aphrodite | 19

#7805878 - Saturday 25 May 2019 4:36

😂😂😂😂😂😂

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7805845 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:07

hopefully, he's wrong..... hopefully.

By xnider | 5

#7805846 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:11

how did you even accept him as your boyfriend?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7805854 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:34

Actually life will cease when tectonic churning sequesters all carbon underground. Seriously, look it up.

By manb91gb | 14

#7805857 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:48

It's okay, giving blowjobs and having sex is also unnecessary under this argument. You win.

tounces7 | 27

#7805872 - Saturday 25 May 2019 4:15

Actually that would be even more reason to do that. If the world is ending, why not enjoy yourself as much as possible before it does?

By alwaysme28 | 8

#7805858 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:55

your boyfriend is disgusting, I just hope you do know that.

By onlyme25 | 26

#7805865 - Saturday 25 May 2019 3:48

Your boyfriend should probably stop being friends with Al Gore

By Amanda Jaworski | 23

#7805975 - Saturday 25 May 2019 14:12

Well duh, that’s like 4 extra minutes a day that he can game until the world ultimately ends!

By Bubbilility | 27

#7806001 - Saturday 25 May 2019 15:56

That's some next level 'acceptance' right there.

By Dane Broussard | 6

#7806134 - Sunday 26 May 2019 0:58

poor thing your boyfriend is retarded