By wags34 - 22/08/2011 14:57 - United States

Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 655
You deserved it 5 775

wags34 tells us more.

wags34 2

Well, I've done everything from asking nicely to letting my dog go in his yard. We live outside the city and you really can't sue for something like this. It's just gonna be one of those neighborhood wars I guess. It's just whenever something so stupid like this goes on you can't help but think FML.

Top comments

get a shovel and a bucket. scoop them up and put them in your neighbor's yard where they belong!

1. Go over to his house. 2. Make sure he sees you. 3. Pull down pants. 4. Shit.


hilobude 0

First! But, that's a complaint that can be sent to the city..

Omfgitsmia 15

That sucks. Call the city or something.

eminemchick 19

then install an actual landmine! however I am not positive how flying feces will help.

xk75 4

Exactly- record it for evidence, then use the Internet to look up your town's ordinances on dog waste (if your town doesn't have the ordinances online, go to city hall and ask to see the code of ordinances there). I can virtually guarantee that it's illegal to purposely allow your dog to go on someone else's land and leave it there. Then, go to the police with your videos and the LAW!

deafeningsilence 8

Piss pipes and poop chutes? What the hell?

1. Go over to his house. 2. Make sure he sees you. 3. Pull down pants. 4. Shit.

xDefendPopPunkx 14

Today, my crazy neighbor walked over to my house and shit on my lawn after yelling something about a poop-chute and a piss-pipe. I have no idea what's going on. FML

Marcella1016 31

Um not sure how this is gonna sound...but did you try actually talking to him? O_O

Now I'm not saying you SHOULD do this, but I believe Arkansas has similar laws to Texas' Castle Law. Next time those dogs and your neighbor come over to your property, drop those mother *******. They can't piss and shit on your lawn when they're dead. the cops. Im sure that's gotta be illegal..that's your private's against the law for dogs to crap in parks and stuff so I don't see why your yard would be any diff.

Jammy01jams 2

Sorry neighbour! I have no idea how those sharpened metal spikes and nails were all over my lawn! :D

Bud_fml 16

Why do so many people who submit FMLs never seem to know that they can call the cops or sue...

If your lawn is full of logs, then simply remove the logs from both sides and set both sides equal to each other. Then solve for the unknown variable as you normally would!

fakeaccountX 6

As soon as I saw "piss-pipes and poop-chutes" I stopped reading. I still have not stopped laughing after 16 minutes.

go to shelter and "borrow" a bunch of dogs, when he is at work or away or something. break into his house and lock all the dogs in there, feed them first.

sceneblondie 8

Could always try some good olde fashioned caltrops. :)

YourEvilHero 12

ask him the owner to stop and chase him away with a broom lol

csickcman 11

In Texas you can shoot him for that. Not in Texas? Well, maybe you should be... Just sayin'.

aeshleyrose 6

26 & 34, I laughed until I cried at your two comments so close together. Wow. Well done, the both o' ya's.

Then put the videos on youtube, saying about how the jerk did it everyday.

theten_fml 9

Buy a horse and feed it laxitives. Or get in your car, drive on his lawn and burn out.

You could always take a picture of him letting his dogs shit in your yard then hand it to the police OP.

xoconnie 8

call the cops. they deal with this stuff all the time. just make sure they dont arrive when hes walking his dogs on ur lawn because he might crap himself too.

Hire a trained assassin to shoot the dogs from extreme range. That'll teach your neihbor not to screw with you!

DoraTheExplorerI 4

Pick it up and put it all back on his doorstep. Leave a musical thank you card.

Pay a Port-a-Jon truck driver $50 to quietly unload his septic truck on the douche's yard at 3:00AM. Trust me... it won't turn his grass green.

Why do so many people who submit FMLs never seem to know that calling the cops or suing won't work? Few if any cities have dog-shit ordinances. It will cost the owner hundreds of dollars to even FILE a lawsuit, take a minimum of 4 months to resolve, and you could still lose.

Sprinkle Bacos on top of the fresh dog shit. The next time the dogs come over, they will eat their shit. A nice green solution.


WOWW DUDE!!!you are sooooooooo cool!Piss pipes? Poop chutes? You are straight gangstaa

Oh cool! You have a picture of a cannabis leaf. You MUST be gangsta, too!

And you do realize a pot leaf only has 7 leafs on it and yours has 9. You might want to consult your drug dealer immediately.


Cannabis can have up to 11 leaves.

sammy92 0

put up a nice little fence! :)

Record it with a camera for evidence and then call the police to file a report. Not 9-1-1, but whatever the number is for your local police station.

Forget calling the city. Record it, post it on the YouTube, and watch internet vigilantism take over. It'll be 'Dog Poop Girl' all over again.

arcticdoctorwho 0

-146 Awesome calculus reference!

kingatowning 2
GuessWhatKids 13

Shit on his doorstep every morning until he moves away.

Get a bear trap. Put it in the yard, cover it with leaves.

Lmao 478 is referencing a previous FML.! ..for those that don't know..just sayiN'. .

YES! Just be sure you keep it low enough to not seriously injure, but high enough to ensure the dogs (and your ass of a neighbour) keep off!!

503 I think he was referencing the Jersey Shore South Park episode.

I agree with 2 why not use your brain and call the cops and have that douchebag trespass warned. then film it happening if he does it again and have him cited and possibly arrested.

tjv3 10

put up a sign that says POSTED: NO TRESPASSING then shoot him or call the cops

Al_HyLo 5

a nice way of saying shithole

xchica365x 0

I was waiting until someone said somethng!

NTimmy 2

U don't need a video for evidence, they can do a mouth swab on the dogs and they'll know whether or not the poo belongs to his dogs, of course if u were to get ur revenge same would be done to u :)

Wow 376, not everyone is trying to be, or even wants to be "gangsta." Piss-pipes and poop-chutes is actually pretty funny, and pretty clever; something you can't be by incessantly swearing, doing drugs, and killing. Hey maybe if we have poor dental hygene and develop a cocaine addiction we will get all the ladies. Because you know, killing your body from the inside out is the latest craze, and we should follow it.

#26 that's a good idea then I'd beat da bricks off his ass then he'd never do that shit again

#26 that's a good idea then I'd beat da bricks off his ass then he'd never do that shit again

lilmisslovely13 15

Im gonna start saying piss pipes and poop chutes from now on :)

there's always electric fence, those little devices that scare away dogs, umm hire a petting zoo, some elephants and zebras and horses and send them to his house for like 16 hours saying it's his birthday feed those animals a lot of diarrhea causing food and watch the fun start hmmm....ever seen the movie "How High"? where they give those pigeons that weird stuff and they exploded and shitted all over the professors office? hmm there are a lot of good stuff u can do....if the cops don't wana do anything about it....haha

VaultDweller106 7

The city won't do anything. They never do. Pick up the dog shit with protected hands and throw it at his house. Or you could put it in bags and set it on his front porch saying "merry Christmas from your dogs"

So your telling me you would feel "threatened" enough by someone's dog ******** in your yard that you would shoot them?? Oh you are such a manly and brave guy. Actually I imagine you as being quite the little bitch...bitch

Mortoli 30

If that jackass doing that on purpose most likely wont help.

get a shovel and a bucket. scoop them up and put them in your neighbor's yard where they belong!

Oh and also put another one in their doorstep then light it on fire.... Lol cant go wrong with classics!

WellThatSucksMaj 0

No no no, sit in your window with a paintball gun and whenever you see that douche unload on his ass.

I got a better one. Get a dog and let him shit on the neighbor's lawn. Now they both have landmined yards and they can just switch to their own.

duckman9 55

or better: 1. Pick up the poop from your yard 2. Place poop in newspaper 3. Place newspaper containing poop in front of the neighbors door 4. Light a fire using the edge of the newspaper 5. Ring doorbell 6. Run!! (I sure hope you'we read this list all the way through, and are not standing in front of the door with a burning pile of poop asking yourself what to do next). 7. ??? 8. Profit! P.S. Quite juvenile solution, but hey.. shit happens!

You could put them in a tightly packed semicircle around his door so he can't get out without treading in it

Jennyboo5797 4

I like #3's idea, but you can scoop up piss. Better start drinking lots water OP ;)

Throw it on his door. And if it continues, when u see him doing it, go outside and spray them with the water hose. (Hey, you're just trying to water to water your lawn)

Dude this I'd the most helpful comment I've Read in a while!

That is EXACTLY what you do. Or use your own.....(I'm just saying) Or put up a fence...

Yet another retarded idea of the cheer force

I was gonna say the same thing but with a airsoft gun

damian25 0

dont move the dog crap, just use his yard as YOUR toilet :D

Too right! Bad poop etiquette is inexcusable. Return the plops, I say. It'll probably result in your charming neighbour taking their dogs for more night walks, in the hopes of not being spotted, but there's am easy fix for that too. Install a motion sensing deer/cat/pest sprinkler sprayer (available at garden centres, online garden supply stores) just inside your property & move it around occasionally to maintain the element of surprise. One or two blasts & drenchings should convince Sir Poop a Lot to take his pooch elsewhere.

maybe adding food colour in the pipes that lead to sprinkel sprayers WOULD BE GREAT. I prefer Green so u dont mess up your grass.

Or better yet, next time YOU have to take a shit do so on his doormat!

XxHoPPoxX 8

go into his backyard and smudge it all in his underwear......skidmarks ftw

imthejman85 1

Better yet, put all the dog shit in a bucket and dump it on your neighbors car... see if they keep doing it.

You can buy a sprinkler that turns on when it detects motion.

I like the sprinkler idea but won't the water just turn the crap into liquid crap? Or maybe the sprinkler will make the dogs crap in shock?

M0rt 0

if you live in pa you could just shoot the dogs

I think they have like special motion activated thingys tht release like a high pitched noise wen they detect movement it's supposed to scare dogs away and only they can hear it

thrAsHeRr9081 16
wags34 2

That's actually a great idea lol!

Sprinkler and shovels. Yup! Also OP, it does suck what they do. But I have to admit your rhyming skills amuse me :)

sprinkler is a great idea your neighbour will start to get really pissed at the smell of wet dog every time it goes for a crap, and just think of the satisfaction you will have seeing his face after the first time you turn sprinkler on him.

Empty your poop shcute on his door mat every morning and release your pee pee valve on their plants or garden

zebraface 15

Don't just watch. Do something about it.

Exactly. You could always, ya know, talk to your neighbor...

People we ALL know that never works that is where u use your amendment right to self arm a good demonstration of that right with a shot gun should do the trick

schaflava 0

Suicide is the only way out.

Op, if you're reading this: BUY A PAINTBALL GUN. Problem solved.

Op you should grow a pair and confront your neighbor, if you show confidence, determination and a lot of anger, you'll make your point clear. If that doesn't work you can always hit your neighbor, remember go for the nose

ambersayshii123 17

Violence is never the answer.. Didn't your momma teach you that?

legitasaurusrex 0

GO TAKE A SHIT ON THAT ************'S PORCH!!! That's what I would do OP...

the wonders of living in a box.. all i have to do is chase it down for an hour after school, because i perfer my boxes floatin'.

did i miss something or does that make no sense

appearantly you and 3 other people did. pretty much get your neighbors to move.

And how could anyone interpret your comment above as that?

I didn't understand the relevance or point of this comment.

EnEl_Infierno 15

I'm not sure but I believe what #6 was trying to say was... like himself, for the Op to run abt in his boxers and act crazy and annoy the neighbor enough till he moves. At last that's how interpreted.

Yeah, that's what I meant, I was at work and was multitasking.

TN9R, your wise choice of words to make a helpful riddle was actually entertaining... I like your comments "without" sense better :)

TN9R, your wise choice of words to make a helpful riddle was actually entertaining... I like your comments "without" sense better :)

skata 4

TN9R- I want some of what youre smoking

burningsquirrel 0

How about you throw water balloons at them when they approach your yard.

anyone else love the terminology used in this fml?

bfsd42 20

Stand up for yourself. That's what else you could do. Maybe it's time to stand up and not let your neighbour walk all over you.

omgcookeys 15

Their neighbor is such a "poop chute"

bubo_fml 10

Get one of those super water balloon sling shots, load up the dog rockets & fire 'em back @ his house!

Maybe you should confront your neighbour about it... or put up a I shoot trespassers sign and buy a gun and sit on your porch and clean it whenever he comes out with his dog.

FMS23 0

I like how this guy thinks. As a added bonus I'd buy blanks and shoot them at his dog and see if they come back

216, my grandpa does that, except he also uses firecrackers.