FML : Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it...

721

FML - The follow-up

Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

wags34 Say more :

Well, I've done everything from asking nicely to letting my dog go in his yard. We live outside the city and you really can't sue for something like this. It's just gonna be one of those neighborhood wars I guess. It's just whenever something so stupid like this goes on you can't help but think FML.

By wags34 / Monday 22 August 2011 14:57 / United States

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Top comments

By xfyre | 11

#3160218 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:03

get a shovel and a bucket. scoop them up and put them in your neighbor's yard where they belong!

By Yngve_fml | 9

#3160348 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:13

1. Go over to his house. 2. Make sure he sees you. 3. Pull down pants. 4. Shit.

Comments

By hilobude | 0

#3160210 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:02

First! But, that's a complaint that can be sent to the city..

By Omfgitsmia | 15

#3160214 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:03

That sucks. Call the city or something.

eminemchick | 19

#3160272 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:06

then install an actual landmine! however I am not positive how flying feces will help.

xk75 | 4

#3160323 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:11

Exactly- record it for evidence, then use the Internet to look up your town's ordinances on dog waste (if your town doesn't have the ordinances online, go to city hall and ask to see the code of ordinances there). I can virtually guarantee that it's illegal to purposely allow your dog to go on someone else's land and leave it there. Then, go to the police with your videos and the LAW!

deafeningsilence | 8

#3160344 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:13

Piss pipes and poop chutes? What the hell?

Yngve_fml | 9

#3160348 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:13

1. Go over to his house. 2. Make sure he sees you. 3. Pull down pants. 4. Shit.

xDefendPopPunkx | 14

#3160376 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:17

Today, my crazy neighbor walked over to my house and shit on my lawn after yelling something about a poop-chute and a piss-pipe. I have no idea what's going on. FML

Marcella1016 | 26

#3160389 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:18

Um not sure how this is gonna sound...but did you try actually talking to him? O_O

nikkibee50 | 10

#3160425 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:25

Now that would be hilarious!!

stef108 | 3

#3160681 - Monday 22 August 2011 08:15

Uh...call the cops. Im sure that's gotta be illegal..that's your private property..it's against the law for dogs to crap in parks and stuff so I don't see why your yard would be any diff.

Jammy01jams | 2

#3160790 - Monday 22 August 2011 08:34

Sorry neighbour! I have no idea how those sharpened metal spikes and nails were all over my lawn! :D

Bud_fml | 16

#3160812 - Monday 22 August 2011 08:39

Why do so many people who submit FMLs never seem to know that they can call the cops or sue...

humorizer | 14

#3160905 - Monday 22 August 2011 09:05

If your lawn is full of logs, then simply remove the logs from both sides and set both sides equal to each other. Then solve for the unknown variable as you normally would!

fakeaccountX | 6

#3160943 - Monday 22 August 2011 09:17

As soon as I saw "piss-pipes and poop-chutes" I stopped reading. I still have not stopped laughing after 16 minutes.

chuckychan | 8

#3160987 - Monday 22 August 2011 09:34

go to shelter and "borrow" a bunch of dogs, when he is at work or away or something. break into his house and lock all the dogs in there, feed them first.

sceneblondie | 8

#3161005 - Monday 22 August 2011 09:41

Install an electric fence :D

MareNostrum | 0

#3161755 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:22

Could always try some good olde fashioned caltrops. :)

starsaregolden | 11

#3161796 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:29

A doglog landmine :D

YourEvilHero | 12

#3161846 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:40

ask him the owner to stop and chase him away with a broom lol

Amrel | 10

#3161925 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:56

Screw that just kick his ass

csickcman | 11

#3161931 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:57

In Texas you can shoot him for that. Not in Texas? Well, maybe you should be... Just sayin'.

aeshleyrose | 6

#3162164 - Monday 22 August 2011 11:23

26 & 34, I laughed until I cried at your two comments so close together. Wow. Well done, the both o' ya's.

UnicornHunter | 12

#3162272 - Monday 22 August 2011 11:42

Then put the videos on youtube, saying about how the jerk did it everyday.

theten_fml | 9

#3162340 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:12

Buy a horse and feed it laxitives. Or get in your car, drive on his lawn and burn out.

jerkheadguy | 1

#3162369 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:26

best advice

Friaza | 28

#3162410 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:47

You could always take a picture of him letting his dogs shit in your yard then hand it to the police OP.

xoconnie | 8

#3162559 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 01:10

call the cops. they deal with this stuff all the time. just make sure they dont arrive when hes walking his dogs on ur lawn because he might crap himself too.

gbreck | 0

#3162590 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 01:20

Hire a trained assassin to shoot the dogs from extreme range. That'll teach your neihbor not to screw with you!

DoraTheExplorerI | 4

#3162758 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 01:48

Lol, try a fence?

hillsidehorror | 5

#3162890 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 02:08

cuz thats so hard

MCweSCRAPPY | 2

#3163009 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 02:29

Pick it up and put it all back on his doorstep. Leave a musical thank you card.

FarSide | 22

#3163049 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 02:35

Pay a Port-a-Jon truck driver $50 to quietly unload his septic truck on the douche's yard at 3:00AM. Trust me... it won't turn his grass green.

FarSide | 22

#3163067 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 02:39

Why do so many people who submit FMLs never seem to know that calling the cops or suing won't work? Few if any cities have dog-shit ordinances. It will cost the owner hundreds of dollars to even FILE a lawsuit, take a minimum of 4 months to resolve, and you could still lose.

FarSide | 22

#3163101 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 02:48

Sprinkle Bacos on top of the fresh dog shit. The next time the dogs come over, they will eat their shit. A nice green solution.

THEBLACKIN | 3

#3163573 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 04:27

WOWW DUDE!!!you are sooooooooo cool!Piss pipes? Poop chutes? You are straight gangstaa

humorizer | 14

#3163599 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 04:30

Oh cool! You have a picture of a cannabis leaf. You MUST be gangsta, too!

ScottieZ | 0

#3163667 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 04:39

And you do realize a pot leaf only has 7 leafs on it and yours has 9. You might want to consult your drug dealer immediately.

THEBLACKIN | 3

#3163748 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 04:53

Cannabis can have up to 11 leaves.

sammy92 | 0

#3163982 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 05:40

put up a nice little fence! :)

23avf | 6

#3164243 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 06:26

don't feed them ;)

Eaglestrike117 | 29

#3164417 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 06:54

Record it with a camera for evidence and then call the police to file a report. Not 9-1-1, but whatever the number is for your local police station.

mariexlupin | 7

#3164673 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 07:53

Forget calling the city. Record it, post it on the YouTube, and watch internet vigilantism take over. It'll be 'Dog Poop Girl' all over again.

arcticdoctorwho | 0

#3164770 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 08:22

-146 Awesome calculus reference!

kingatowning | 2

#3165065 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 09:15

Paintball time?

GuessWhatKids | 13

#3165138 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 09:32

Shit on his doorstep every morning until he moves away.

Opium_Production | 5

#3165600 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:13

Get a bear trap. Put it in the yard, cover it with leaves.

LilTiki559 | 13

#3165795 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 01:31

Lmao 478 is referencing a previous FML.! ..for those that don't know..just sayiN'. .

its_love2 | 31

#3166145 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 03:40

YES! Just be sure you keep it low enough to not seriously injure, but high enough to ensure the dogs (and your ass of a neighbour) keep off!!

tacticalnutmeg | 0

#3166786 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 05:27

503 I think he was referencing the Jersey Shore South Park episode.

solidus106 | 0

#3167372 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 07:22

I see what u did there

LolzRoyce23 | 0

#3169832 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 01:57

I agree with 2 why not use your brain and call the cops and have that douchebag trespass warned. then film it happening if he does it again and have him cited and possibly arrested.

tjv3 | 9

#3169934 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 02:19

put up a sign that says POSTED: NO TRESPASSING then shoot him or call the cops

Al_HyLo | 5

#3181515 - Friday 26 August 2011 07:50

a nice way of saying shithole

xchica365x | 0

#3185049 - Saturday 27 August 2011 12:37

I was waiting until someone said somethng!

NTimmy | 2

#3186085 - Saturday 27 August 2011 04:27

U don't need a video for evidence, they can do a mouth swab on the dogs and they'll know whether or not the poo belongs to his dogs, of course if u were to get ur revenge same would be done to u :)

Evan2297 | 0

#3729930 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 12:49

Wow 376, not everyone is trying to be, or even wants to be "gangsta." Piss-pipes and poop-chutes is actually pretty funny, and pretty clever; something you can't be by incessantly swearing, doing drugs, and killing. Hey maybe if we have poor dental hygene and develop a cocaine addiction we will get all the ladies. Because you know, killing your body from the inside out is the latest craze, and we should follow it.

Gmax884 | 2

#3886952 - Sunday 15 January 2012 10:04

#26 that's a good idea then I'd beat da bricks off his ass then he'd never do that shit again

Gmax884 | 2

#3886975 - Sunday 15 January 2012 10:08

#26 that's a good idea then I'd beat da bricks off his ass then he'd never do that shit again

lilmisslovely13 | 15

#4167119 - Thursday 15 March 2012 02:58

Im gonna start saying piss pipes and poop chutes from now on :)

Jezlovespink | 5

#4854201 - Friday 24 August 2012 03:19

there's always electric fence, those little devices that scare away dogs, umm hire a petting zoo, some elephants and zebras and horses and send them to his house for like 16 hours saying it's his birthday feed those animals a lot of diarrhea causing food and watch the fun start hmmm....ever seen the movie "How High"? where they give those pigeons that weird stuff and they exploded and shitted all over the professors office? hmm there are a lot of good stuff u can do....if the cops don't wana do anything about it....haha

VaultDweller106 | 7

#4922483 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 05:00

The city won't do anything. They never do. Pick up the dog shit with protected hands and throw it at his house. Or you could put it in bags and set it on his front porch saying "merry Christmas from your dogs"

dhooks111490 | 8

#4945761 - Tuesday 18 September 2012 07:54

So your telling me you would feel "threatened" enough by someone's dog shitting in your yard that you would shoot them?? Oh you are such a manly and brave guy. Actually I imagine you as being quite the little bitch...bitch

Mortoli | 29

#6089372 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 12:24

If that jackass doing that on purpose most likely wont help.

By xfyre | 11

#3160218 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:03

get a shovel and a bucket. scoop them up and put them in your neighbor's yard where they belong!

kenji212 | 8

#3160293 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:08

Oh and also put another one in their doorstep then light it on fire.... Lol cant go wrong with classics!

5t3ff1k4h | 42

#3160333 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:12

Exactly.

WellThatSucksMaj | 0

#3160374 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:16

No no no, sit in your window with a paintball gun and whenever you see that douche unload on his ass.

airforce987 | 20

#3160470 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:31

I got a better one. Get a dog and let him shit on the neighbor's lawn. Now they both have landmined yards and they can just switch to their own.

duckman9 | 44

#3160557 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:47

or better: 1. Pick up the poop from your yard 2. Place poop in newspaper 3. Place newspaper containing poop in front of the neighbors door 4. Light a fire using the edge of the newspaper 5. Ring doorbell 6. Run!! (I sure hope you'we read this list all the way through, and are not standing in front of the door with a burning pile of poop asking yourself what to do next). 7. ??? 8. Profit! P.S. Quite juvenile solution, but hey.. shit happens!

james_aka_frosty | 3

#3160569 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:48

You could put them in a tightly packed semicircle around his door so he can't get out without treading in it

countrydevil | 6

#3160578 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:49

use the shovel to throw it on his house

granpa_haribo | 13

#3160672 - Monday 22 August 2011 08:10

Or all over his windows...

Jennyboo5797 | 4

#3160848 - Monday 22 August 2011 08:46

I like #3's idea, but you can scoop up piss. Better start drinking lots water OP ;)

Lipsforbiting | 7

#3160895 - Monday 22 August 2011 09:04

This is actually a brilliant idea.

kapippenger | 0

#3160926 - Monday 22 August 2011 09:12

Throw it on his door. And if it continues, when u see him doing it, go outside and spray them with the water hose. (Hey, you're just trying to water to water your lawn)

xXwolflegionXx | 8

#3161784 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:27

Dude this I'd the most helpful comment I've Read in a while!

achic | 0

#3161895 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:48

That is EXACTLY what you do. Or use your own.....(I'm just saying) Or put up a fence...

GTFan12 | 0

#3163375 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 03:46

agreed

cptcook | 0

#3163895 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 05:23

Yet another retarded idea of the cheer force

getsmart123 | 4

#3164187 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 06:16

I was gonna say the same thing but with a airsoft gun

damian25 | 0

#3164503 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 07:10

dont move the dog crap, just use his yard as YOUR toilet :D

buster1 | 0

#3164711 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 08:01

Too right! Bad poop etiquette is inexcusable. Return the plops, I say. It'll probably result in your charming neighbour taking their dogs for more night walks, in the hopes of not being spotted, but there's am easy fix for that too. Install a motion sensing deer/cat/pest sprinkler sprayer (available at garden centres, online garden supply stores) just inside your property & move it around occasionally to maintain the element of surprise. One or two blasts & drenchings should convince Sir Poop a Lot to take his pooch elsewhere.

JustTemporary | 24

#3164794 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 08:30

Haha nice.

GamerMaster2041 | 12

#3165455 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:17

maybe adding food colour in the pipes that lead to sprinkel sprayers WOULD BE GREAT. I prefer Green so u dont mess up your grass.

deaper | 12

#3165483 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 11:41

Or better yet, next time YOU have to take a shit do so on his doormat!

XxHoPPoxX | 8

#3165632 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:33

go into his backyard and smudge it all in his underwear......skidmarks ftw

sherryl_fml | 0

#3166015 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 02:50

Yeah do what the fucker deserves!!

imthejman85 | 1

#3177350 - Thursday 25 August 2011 02:13

Better yet, put all the dog shit in a bucket and dump it on your neighbors car... see if they keep doing it.

By Alleged_Cranium | 7

#3160235 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:04

You can buy a sprinkler that turns on when it detects motion.

flamegrilled123 | 3

#3160630 - Monday 22 August 2011 08:00

Or build a sentry gun

lucy9897 | 6

#3160696 - Monday 22 August 2011 08:17

I like the sprinkler idea but won't the water just turn the crap into liquid crap? Or maybe the sprinkler will make the dogs crap in shock?

M0rt | 0

#3161810 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:32

if you live in pa you could just shoot the dogs

xXxXxMasonxXxXx | 7

#3161850 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:40

I think they have like special motion activated thingys tht release like a high pitched noise wen they detect movement it's supposed to scare dogs away and only they can hear it

thrAsHeRr9081 | 16

#3161870 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:43

It's not the dogs' fault!!!

wags34 | 2

#3162250 - Monday 22 August 2011 11:35

That's actually a great idea lol!

newkidontheblock_fml | 1

#3162308 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:00

LOL. n00b.

Jaxx66 | 21

#3162416 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:48

Sprinkler and shovels. Yup! Also OP, it does suck what they do. But I have to admit your rhyming skills amuse me :)

holewski | 0

#3162624 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 01:27

sprinkler is a great idea your neighbour will start to get really pissed at the smell of wet dog every time it goes for a crap, and just think of the satisfaction you will have seeing his face after the first time you turn sprinkler on him.

MILFSaregood | 7

#3163030 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 02:33

Empty your poop shcute on his door mat every morning and release your pee pee valve on their plants or garden

ashattack23 | 1

#3481234 - Monday 24 October 2011 07:37

82=genius

By zebraface | 15

#3160238 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:04

Don't just watch. Do something about it.

Miss_Kristen | 10

#3160364 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:15

Exactly. You could always, ya know, talk to your neighbor...

jonn090 | 13

#3160603 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:55

People we ALL know that never works that is where u use your amendment right to self arm a good demonstration of that right with a shot gun should do the trick

livlafluv100 | 2

#3162309 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:00

Yes. Op, BUILD A STONE WALL

schaflava | 0

#3162391 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:39

Suicide is the only way out.

xleanne_aLly | 23

#3162923 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 02:16

Op, if you're reading this: BUY A PAINTBALL GUN. Problem solved.

tona01 | 16

#3163722 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 04:47

Op you should grow a pair and confront your neighbor, if you show confidence, determination and a lot of anger, you'll make your point clear. If that doesn't work you can always hit your neighbor, remember go for the nose

legitasaurusrex | 0

#3163738 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 04:49

GO TAKE A SHIT ON THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S PORCH!!! That's what I would do OP...

hmmmmmmmmmmmm | 0

#3171041 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 06:28

accidently shoot the owner?

By TN9R | 1

#3160241 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:04

the wonders of living in a box.. all i have to do is chase it down for an hour after school, because i perfer my boxes floatin'.

xGolBLiiN | 1

#3160394 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:18

did i miss something or does that make no sense

TN9R | 1

#3160447 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:29

appearantly you and 3 other people did. pretty much get your neighbors to move.

BB_ava | 0

#3161855 - Monday 22 August 2011 10:41

And how could anyone interpret your comment above as that?

white16sox | 19

#3162237 - Monday 22 August 2011 11:33

I didn't understand the relevance or point of this comment.

EnEl_Infierno | 15

#3162344 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:13

I'm not sure but I believe what #6 was trying to say was... like himself, for the Op to run abt in his boxers and act crazy and annoy the neighbor enough till he moves. At last that's how interpreted.

TN9R | 1

#3162360 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 12:21

Yeah, that's what I meant, I was at work and was multitasking.

picupbart | 0

#3166544 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 04:42

TN9R, your wise choice of words to make a helpful riddle was actually entertaining... I like your comments "without" sense better :)

picupbart | 0

#3166547 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 04:42

TN9R, your wise choice of words to make a helpful riddle was actually entertaining... I like your comments "without" sense better :)

skata | 4

#3190980 - Saturday 27 August 2011 09:30

TN9R- I want some of what youre smoking

By burningsquirrel | 0

#3160261 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:06

How about you throw water balloons at them when they approach your yard.

bball234 | 6

#3162042 - Monday 22 August 2011 11:05

anyone else love the terminology used in this fml?

By bfsd42 | 20

#3160279 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:07

Stand up for yourself. That's what else you could do. Maybe it's time to stand up and not let your neighbour walk all over you.

omgcookeys | 15

#3164677 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 07:54

Their neighbor is such a "poop chute"

By bubo_fml | 10

#3160284 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:07

Get one of those super water balloon sling shots, load up the dog rockets & fire 'em back @ his house!

By megs1642 | 5

#3160286 - Monday 22 August 2011 07:07

Maybe you should confront your neighbour about it... or put up a I shoot trespassers sign and buy a gun and sit on your porch and clean it whenever he comes out with his dog.