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Today, I caught my wife with my brother. I demanded a divorce and, out of desperation, she claimed she thought it was me because we’re twins. We might be twins, but we’re dissimilar enough it’s obvious which is fucking which, plus he has both hands, whereas I left one of mine behind in fucking Iraq. FML
Maybe your brother pulled his hand up his sleeve to pretend to be you? While divorce will settle things with your wife, you should rain holy hell down on your brother: Tell Mom.
I’d be gone in a flash, they both suck.