Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house.... - FML

By AnnoyedWoman - 17/8/2014 10:19 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

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Season finale

Gratitude walks

Toxic parents

By delicious - 6/1/2016 03:05 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I poured boiling water over my instant noodles. A freshly boiled cockroach also rolled out onto my noodles. FML

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By Foreigner - 1/8/2011 15:05 - Jersey

Today, I was having a great time shopping with my gran, until she started complaining about all the foreigners ruining our town, and counting each person who didn't look 100% British. It wouldn't even have been so bad if I wasn't adopted into the family, from Russia. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

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By homewrecker - 1/8/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

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By Chefinblack - 19/10/2015 22:13 - Australia

Today, at my prestigious sous chef job, I was preparing to plate up expensive entrees for a function of 150 people. After arriving to work 2 hours early to finalize finishing touches, they call the restaurant 5 minutes before their booking stating, 'We can't be bothered anymore, sorry.' FML

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By Somekindofcaleb - 11/9/2017 01:30

Today, my car died after I got off work at 1am. All of my coworkers had already left and nobody could come out to jump my car. I had to walk the 3 miles home in a torrential downpour. FML

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By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe - 20/5/2017 02:00

Today, after having set up a date with a wonderful guy who seems to really like me, I caught a cold. I have also lost most of my voice because of it, so I now sound like an angry, deranged goose when I talk. This will be the first time he meets me in person. So much for a good first impression. FML

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By emperor - 21/7/2009 05:38 - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

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By FML4evs - 10/4/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, my younger brother watched an old music video of The Who, who are know for smashing up their guitars and such. He decided it would be cool to try it with mine. That guitar was worth over $3000. FML

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By sarad206 - 19/2/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. An older gentlemen came in and needed to use it. He said to me "Oh no, PLEASE stay, just don't look." I don't get paid enough for this. FML

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By ihatelife - 14/5/2011 23:17 - Canada

Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received. I was excited because I'd been waiting for the coaches to call me back for tryouts for a week now. Trying to figure out how to listen to it, I ended up deleting it. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2018 01:30

Today, my phone went missing. My 8-year-old son took it to school and sold it for $10. FML

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By targetlove - 10/1/2010 01:23 - Australia

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2013 23:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

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By Acne_problems - 22/2/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

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By raquel - 17/7/2015 16:40 - United States

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

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By Golden~ - 1/6/2011 09:20 - Canada

Today, I found out that the school principal takes all the money from the school fund raisers to buy herself donuts. I'd donated over $100. FML

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By disgusted - 24/9/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

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By unloved cat owner - 16/2/2014 00:50 - United States - Carmichael

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

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By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

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By BigToe - 26/4/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

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By wtfjusthappened - 24/1/2009 03:27 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML

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By friend loves a gay guy... - 23/9/2013 20:49 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my best friend told me that she no longer wants to cut herself because now she's madly in love with a guy in our school. She doesn't know that he's gay. FML

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By frame - 20/3/2009 15:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking my husky when she saw a cat and bolted toward it. I couldn't let go of the leash because my hand was tangled up. Forced to run along, I ran into a parked van at full sprint. I lost my dog, broke two ribs and have to pay for the dent in the van. FML

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By fuck russia and fuck georgia too - 9/3/2014 18:38 - Azerbaijan

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

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By Terry - 5/12/2018 17:30

Today, I opened the bathroom door and it broke my wife’s little toe. As revenge she ruined the ending of assassins creed which she had gotten me for Christmas. FML

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By crapules - 23/12/2008 04:18 - France

Today, my boss asked me, "Can I give you some constructive criticism?" I said yes. He told me, "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

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By n - 4/4/2015 18:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

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By wurtabang - 9/2/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

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By shit - 13/5/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2015 06:39 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML

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By homeless - 14/12/2010 18:41 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find an eviction notice taped to my door, stating that I was a nuisance and had 30 days to vacate the property. I live at home with my parents. FML

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By Dizzie Rascal - 31/8/2016 11:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 05:43 - United States

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

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By Justawoman - 4/6/2014 15:52 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML

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By fucking har har, dad - 5/10/2012 23:38 - Australia

Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML

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By Rachel - 12/2/2016 06:26 - United States - Burton

Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML

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By computergeek - 26/1/2010 21:25 - United States

Today, my parents got me a new computer for my birthday. They also took the liberty of throwing out my old computer, with 8 years of photos, videos, music, documents, emails, and bookmarks on it. But that's okay, I had a backup. They threw that out too. FML

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By Brett meek - 19/2/2010 07:41 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

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By ulring - 12/2/2012 00:53 - United States

Today, I walked all the way across campus to eat the first meal I've had all day. After waiting for my food in a congested line for 30 minutes, I got to the register to pay. Turns out my wallet was a twenty minute walk away, back in my apartment. FML

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Top comments

By VengeanceChicken | 12

#6040414 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:19

Perhaps he decided to camp in CoD rather than with you?

By arrow007archer | 19

#6040417 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:22

cod players hate campers

COMMENTS

By VengeanceChicken | 12

#6040414 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:19

Perhaps he decided to camp in CoD rather than with you?

Reply

pwnman | 33

#6040419 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:26

Even though I camp in CoD, I hate people who camp in CoD.

Reply

blaw24 | 1

#6040440 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:47

So you hate yourself? Got it

Reply

Soviet_American | 29

#6040455 - Sunday 17 August 2014 17:01

Perhaps, that was the camping he agreed to do.

Reply

dabears1011234 | 27

#6040458 - Sunday 17 August 2014 17:06

Exactly

Reply

Arwen_Evenstar | 37

#6040498 - Sunday 17 August 2014 18:19

Unless it was his idea, I'd not blame him. I mean really, who enjoys camping? Especially in the UK, its probably raining!!!

Reply

Hopein2025 | 14

#6040668 - Sunday 17 August 2014 21:15

What is with men and video games?

Reply

AllStache | 11

#6040692 - Sunday 17 August 2014 21:54

#49 Same thing could be said about women loving shopping. It's fun

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#6040795 - Monday 18 August 2014 0:28

So, I got the best of both worlds.
I'm a guy and I love to shop as well as play video games.

Reply

Kyle1dc | 17

#6040816 - Monday 18 August 2014 0:58

I love shopping for video games.

Reply

tashb | 17

#6042553 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 4:37

Well, he's full of games isn't he!

By TheDevilWearsJoe | 8

#6040416 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:20

Next time, go somewhere isolated.

Reply

Onyxdragon | 9

#6040432 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:39

if that doesnt work, try chopping off his legs

Reply

EchoSerenity | 15

#6040507 - Sunday 17 August 2014 18:37

Or next time hide the game council before leaving or hide the cords or controllers.

Reply

shudson186 | 17

#6040557 - Sunday 17 August 2014 19:34

34 you monster...

Reply

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6040572 - Sunday 17 August 2014 19:40

console, sorry.

Reply

OPIAF | 5

#6040676 - Sunday 17 August 2014 21:21

Ahh peasantry... PCMR

Reply

arrow007archer | 19

#6040711 - Sunday 17 August 2014 22:36

well that escalated quickly

Reply

EchoSerenity | 15

#6041001 - Monday 18 August 2014 7:20

Thanks 44. 43 I am evil ^-^ But it gets shit done!

Reply

Khorlik | 6

#6041178 - Monday 18 August 2014 15:31

Ok 50, the fucking keyboard and mouse then

Reply

23lf | 16

#6041299 - Monday 18 August 2014 18:15

No! Do not attempt to hide the grand council of video games! Any man would find it.

By arrow007archer | 19

#6040417 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:22

cod players hate campers

Reply

youngbloodfob | 4

#6040754 - Sunday 17 August 2014 23:41

Except of it's a mission of cod ^^

By Aquaman911 | 18

#6040418 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:23

10th Prestige I believe ;)

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#6040439 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:46

I'm sure he got a veterans discount for all the camping equipment

Reply

johbstonjacob | 8

#6040847 - Monday 18 August 2014 2:36

i remember that fml!

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6040421 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:27

the struggle is real

By ktmla | 14

#6040423 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:29

Close enough to walk home and sleeping on a roll out bed? I'm not sure it was camping in the first place..

By shay_serendipity | 29

#6040431 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:38

The whole point of camping is roughing it and getting away from home for awhile, OP. If you could walk home, it's safe to say you aren't exactly AWAY.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#6040796 - Monday 18 August 2014 0:30

If you live in a heavily forested area, you can still be "roughing it" and be within hiking distance of home.

By Derek_Carlson | 4

#6040437 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:44

He probably went 26-0 so don't kill his vibe

By laughmaster | 9

#6040438 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:46

Hey, he could've been cheating on you though, atleast it's only cod

Reply

EchoSerenity | 15

#6041003 - Monday 18 August 2014 7:23

Like being replaced by a video game is much better I suppose?

By emeraldmaz | 9

#6040441 - Sunday 17 August 2014 16:48

That really, really sounds like an addiction problem.

Reply

fuckyourlifeOP | 25

#6040888 - Monday 18 August 2014 4:23

I agree, I'm addicted to GTA 5, but I would NEVER leave my wife during a camping trip to go play it. That's just fucking ridiculous and rude, in my opinion.

Reply

EchoSerenity | 15

#6041005 - Monday 18 August 2014 7:26

72 deserves a beer for that one, at least there are some good men still out there.