Work: Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre... - FML

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

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Rock, hard place

The World won't Listen

Side effects

By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

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By Pooldead - Germany - Munich

Today, while introducing my girlfriend to my family, everyone told me that she looked exactly like my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

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By Don’t know what to think

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me with an Eagles cheerleader. I found out when his dad proudly posted about it on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 20:01

What goes around…

Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML

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By BKCK4187 - United States

Today, I got aroused by the vanilla scent from an unused trash bag. FML

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By "sanza666"

Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML

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By kaybear13 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on in a water park changing stall. A woman and a security guard barged in and angrily told us that there were children around. We were escorted out of the park wearing nothing but our swimsuits. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 07:04 - France

Pro gamer move

Today, I wanted to play Among Us for a little distraction. I ended up having a panic attack. FML

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By no tea parties here, gran - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

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By sunlightchild_14 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of 2 years that I was pregnant. His response? "That's neat. But we can still have sex, right?" FML

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By dadyoureacunt - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

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By Lola Smith - 3/11/2020 11:02

Weird questions

Today, a customer asked me if we serve spaghetti. She then asked for a manager because I was giving her a weird look, laughing softly when telling her yes, and apparently making her feel stupid. My manager wrote me up. I work at the Old Spaghetti Factory. FML

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By kristajoy2001

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

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By Chelsea - Australia - Perth

Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

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By Queen_of_Night - United States

Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML

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By helosthisshit - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML

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By i fuckin love habaneros - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

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By unproud - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML

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By Velian - France

Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML

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By oceangirl - United States

Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML

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By pod - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

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By Roll Tide of Tears - United States

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I decided to be a good driver and not run through the yellow light. As soon as I stopped my car another came and rear-ended me. The guy told me to go in the parking lot so we can exchange information. So I drove into the parking lot, I turned my head and watched him drive away. FML

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By shelbylove115 - United States - Nevada City

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

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By idiot - 28/6/2020 08:07

Double trouble

Today, I was sitting on my bike texting when someone snatched my phone and ran. Like an idiot, I jumped off my bike and ran after him. He then ran in a big circle, got on my bike and sped off. FML

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By failing - United States - Greenbelt

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received an envelope from verizon. I assumed it was my bill. I opened it and saw a visa credit card offer so I quickly snapped it in half to prevent identity theft. Only after playing with the pieces for 10 minutes did I realize that it was my $100 rebate from my new phone. FML

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By ashamed - United States - Brooklyn

Today, in an effort to be more healthy, I bought a pack of protein bars as a substitute for snacks. I ate all 5 of them in one sitting. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

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By mastermind

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

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By lonesomegal - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

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By broken - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

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Top comments

By Jasper_fml | 0

#124327 - Sunday 19 April 2009 13:29

lol.
dork dancer eh?
me too.

By AndreaKina | 0

#124252 - Sunday 19 April 2009 12:22

HAHAHA ouchhh

COMMENTS

By AndreaKina | 0

#124252 - Sunday 19 April 2009 12:22

HAHAHA ouchhh

Reply

Jiplo | 18

#4184835 - Monday 19 March 2012 4:35

ya. I bet OP's boss was just jealous of OP's awesome dancing skills. Keep on dancing!

By hilaryy_fml | 0

#124267 - Sunday 19 April 2009 12:30

HAHAHAHHAHAA

By youaresofucked | 0

#124269 - Sunday 19 April 2009 12:31

he''s basically told you you're a spaco .......

By Kenji_fml | 0

#124276 - Sunday 19 April 2009 12:42

haha. Really.. you should stop dancing :D

By Tehalon | 0

#124286 - Sunday 19 April 2009 12:55

Bet your dance is totalleh awesom!

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#124293 - Sunday 19 April 2009 13:04

learn to dance. YDI

By Jasper_fml | 0

#124327 - Sunday 19 April 2009 13:29

lol.
dork dancer eh?
me too.

By itsTiffany | 0

#124345 - Sunday 19 April 2009 13:47

Hah, that kinda sucks.

By Zigster94 | 0

#124399 - Sunday 19 April 2009 14:45

you put your right foot in, you take your right foot out ..
sucks on your part :)

Reply

daniisme | 0

#966298 - Monday 22 March 2010 10:26

you put your right foot in and you shake it all about... do the hokey pokey and you turn around...

DAMN I forgot this in Maori D:

By ClosedSequence | 0

#124404 - Sunday 19 April 2009 14:47

Next time, start breakdancing!