Jealousy and insecurity issues are on the rise. Communication must prevail here or this will trickle down into a domino effect of disputes. Reach out to your wife with a calm and patient tone and tell her it's just business, not flirting that will turn into infidelity. If it doesn't work, maybe couples therapy is appropriate. Do tread carefully cause that violent outburst could turn into violence towards you and the coworker.

Legally separate until she gets therapy (it can be couples therapy); if she won't, divorce. You shouldn't have to deal with her toxicity.

Maybe let the topic cool down for a couple of weeks and bring up couples therapy - you would then be able to bring up anger management issues. Sadly if the reaction is negative or aggressive you might have to take some time off and possibly even consider filing for divorce.

Sounds like an argument with her could esculate quickly. Who knows what future agruments or misunderstandings could bring out of her. Please be safe and consider what is worthwhile.

I'd press charges

Ex wife. You mean, ex wife. Or soon to be at least.

Is there something there, op? (not judging)