The Top

follow up a few years later. i was so hurt the day I wrote this, and i still haven't forgiven my mom for this. I've tried to talk to her about it, but ive never even got an apology. She put my dog down, because she found a autoimmune condition that caused my dog not to have any blood left. and the vet knew my mom, plus on paper my mom owned her, even though she had been living with me since I moved out 7 years earlier. it wasn't the wrong decision, i just wish I knew so I could say goodbye to the pet i loved above everything in my life.

By Alex - 20/06/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 475

You deserved it 4 171

Cruising

By notpreggers - 15/04/2009 20:14

Today, I was wearing a new $500 dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 955

You deserved it 28 865

By ruhrohraggy - 28/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got a haircut. I wanted three inches cut off. When the lady finished, she had cut off everything but three inches of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 356

I'm here!

By Adam - 29/07/2019 20:00

Today, I had a job interview at a Holiday Inn. I got there ten minutes early and sat until 1:00 p.m., then told the person at the front desk I was there for my interview. She called the manager, who said that no interviews were scheduled today. I'd gone to the wrong Holiday Inn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 1 714

By youlovewaffles - 03/08/2019 04:00

Today, I was talking to myself in the shower, pretending I was Oprah. After I got out, my little brother asked if I was singing in the bathroom. I almost said no, but admitting to singing seemed a lot less embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 445

By Jesse - 10/05/2012 21:22 - United States - Bothell

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 094

You deserved it 2 424

By Anonymous - 09/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 105

Idiots on bikes

By Anonymous - 09/05/2012 18:50 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 856

You deserved it 2 335

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 48

Projectile

By Mr.Incognito-san - 03/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sisters were fighting, again. Unfortunately, one of them has the tendency to pick up the closest object and throw it at the other one. Unfortunately, I was the closest object, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 115

By s0m3guy2010 - 19/04/2013 00:06 - United States

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 457

You deserved it 3 829

s0m3guy2010 tells us more.

s0m3guy2010 21

Friday 19 April 2013 14:04

I know he was bacon for a heart attack. Although the dryer didn't break, I was really porked from doing laundry until he was able to clean everything out.

By newdad - 06/09/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 890

You deserved it 6 014

Relief

By Andrew Cab - 06/04/2021 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our 9-year-old daughter was removed from our home and placed into a home for children too violent to function in a family setting. I can't stop crying but my wife hasn't been this happy in years. She was actually smiling as our daughter was restrained and forced out the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 395

By boopingsnoot - 27/08/2017 01:30 - United States - Nashville

Today, at the dentist, I was just supposed to get three small cavities filled. I walked out with a referral slip for the endodontist. Hello, root canal. Fuck you, genetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 381

You deserved it 317

By PsychoBillyGoat - 26/05/2014 00:47 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my wife's cat ran away. After spending a lot of money making "Lost Cat" flyers and driving around for hours passing them out and searching for her cat, he walked downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 054

You deserved it 9 825

PsychoBillyGoat tells us more.

PsychoBillyGoat 23

Monday 26 May 2014 20:13

My wife was worried about the cat because he is elderly and needs meds every 12 hours. He also has no claws ( we got him that way). He has never been outside before but lately he has been trying to get out. Also we live in Alaska, more to worry about then cars and dogs getting him