Love: Today, I was at my senior dance dancing with this guy I really... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my senior dance dancing with this guy I really like. He was telling me how he likes a strong woman who's not afraid to make the first move. Empowered by what he said, I asked him out. He said no because he thinks girls shouldn't ask guys out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67915

You deserved it

5067

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Child labor

Two states of matter

By whatislife1969

Baby don't hurt me...

Today, my friends got me a cake for my birthday. As I blew out the candles, they shoved my head into it and I was knocked out for 3 minutes before an ambulance took me to the hospital. I got a concussion from a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3470

You deserved it

237

Tweet

Share

By foxytheologian

Today, I was hit by an unmanned semi truck that rolled down an embankment onto the highway. I'm fine, but the entire left side of my car is smashed in. The idiot responsible had to be dragged down the hill by the cops. Apparently, he was peeing and forgot to put the parking brake on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5321

You deserved it

290

Tweet

Share

By charlieweaver21 - France

Today, I agreed to meet my ex-girlfriend at our favorite restaurant with my hopes high. She just wanted me to meet her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30996

You deserved it

6110

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15168

You deserved it

50945

Tweet

Share

By Mel - United States

Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52765

You deserved it

8044

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Brighton

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44576

You deserved it

3997

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lowell

Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing money from my purse. He tried to turn it on me by claiming I'll owe him for the flowers he'll get me on Valentine's Day, then tried to make me feel guilty by saying the whole thing is for "selfish bitches anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45533

You deserved it

5414

Tweet

Share

By Rizzle - New Zealand

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14688

You deserved it

45018

Tweet

Share

By breadcrumb - United States - Kansas City

Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his phone, rudely asked what kinds of bread we had for his sandwich. After I told him we had many different kinds to offer, he cut me off, told me to stop playing stupid, and stormed out after holding up a long line of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24837

You deserved it

2082

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Clifton

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39540

You deserved it

18281

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - La Crosse

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26859

You deserved it

17195

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Hey Scratchy!

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1411

You deserved it

162

Tweet

Share

By DamnDominoes - United Arab Emirates

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49870

You deserved it

31929

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30109

You deserved it

2841

Tweet

Share

By chase - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29119

You deserved it

53054

Tweet

Share

By JacksWag4 - United States - Romulus

Thanks, I hate it!

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because, "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52398

You deserved it

21517

Tweet

Share

By sadinseattle - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

110093

You deserved it

17462

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27969

You deserved it

3743

Tweet

Share

By evilwater - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant when I knocked my glass of ice water over. In my attempt to clean it up with a napkin, I knocked a freshly filled cup of coffee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28504

You deserved it

8318

Tweet

Share

By Ohfknhell

It's a sign...

Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4549

You deserved it

737

Tweet

Share

By

Today, after 3 years of unemployment and 6 months of hard studying, I found out I hadn't actually registered myself for the public service exam that will happen later this month and could finally get me a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5429

You deserved it

2426

Tweet

Share

By Autumn

TMI

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5185

You deserved it

400

Tweet

Share

By BFons - United States - Newark

Today, my wife and I are about to move across the country when the landlord for our new house called and said a water line busted and flooded the house. The movers are coming tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31856

You deserved it

2135

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2945

You deserved it

164

Tweet

Share

By CantPublish - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7920

You deserved it

24520

Tweet

Share

By brown and sticky - United States - Baltimore

Food poisoning

Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2448

You deserved it

186

Tweet

Share

By N O - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53293

You deserved it

6928

Tweet

Share

By averagemom4days - United States - Roosevelt

Today, I spent a ridiculous amount of time working and reworking a design for a client. Eight hours and many tears later, she sends an email saying, "Let's go with the first design. I liked that one the most." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13977

You deserved it

1010

Tweet

Share

By new dog - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38338

You deserved it

3946

Tweet

Share

By AgathedeBlouse - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27493

You deserved it

25076

Tweet

Share

By fuckmyplums - Austria - Grossarl

Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41307

You deserved it

4621

Tweet

Share

By gooddaydude - United States - Omaha

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35284

You deserved it

4276

Tweet

Share

By littl3storm - 9/6/2020 05:04

Summertime sadness

Today, as a treat to myself for completing my exams, I dyed my hair rainbow. In the process of dyeing my hair, I managed to roll over my foot, causing severe ligament damage in my foot and ankle. It's likely I'll end up with a cast. Goodbye summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1176

You deserved it

372

Tweet

Share

By shuahwan - New Zealand

Today, to settle a bet with a friend, I took an online IQ test twice. The first time, I chose answers at random without reading the questions. The second time, I took it for real. I got a higher score from the random selections than from my serious attempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24974

You deserved it

6187

Tweet

Share

By no_hullabalo - Taiwan

Today, I went para sailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. And I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45723

You deserved it

3449

Tweet

Share

By hashtag beard life - 12/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Assumption Day

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said she, “hates daddy’s kisses because they feel funny.” My extended family freaked out and assumed the worse. My husband has recently grown a beard and my daughter hates how scratchy it feels. He’s not a monster but they still treat us weird now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1244

You deserved it

61

Tweet

Share

By Beardedlady - United States - Madison

Today, my mom told me that I need to shave my beard because it's getting too long. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2544

You deserved it

382

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28106

You deserved it

3657

Tweet

Share

By TheSickness - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15158

You deserved it

59113

Tweet

Share

By Rusty - United States

Today, I did slightly below average on my programming project. Aside from it being unnecessarily difficult, I also couldn't focus on it due to problems at home. After I confided in my colleague about it, I heard him mutter, "I knew women are crappy programmers". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23070

You deserved it

2736

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By littlemuffet | 0

#132188 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 10:00

That doesn't even make sense.

By AndrewPao32 | 0

#132218 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 10:15

He wanted to fuck...not to go on a date.

COMMENTS

By infiniheart | 0

#132171 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 9:48

haha wtf...that sucks
..
.
first

Reply

Stiggy626 | 25

#6541065 - Saturday 20 February 2016 10:25

he meant, "try and kiss me." What's not to get?

By infiniheart | 0

#132172 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 9:53

wow. wtf...that sucks
....
..
.
first :)

By papertigers_fml | 0

#132177 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 9:52

wat

By justanarmyguy | 0

#132178 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 9:56

he's a keeper

By papertigers_fml | 0

#132182 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 9:56

wat

By littlemuffet | 0

#132188 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 10:00

That doesn't even make sense.

Reply

EmperorPsycho | 0

#2764024 - Sunday 26 June 2011 19:00

ehh... Texas people

Reply

Okinawa95 | 2

#2831636 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 18:34

^ Agreed.

Reply

stephan18 | 23

#4902893 - Thursday 6 September 2012 18:31

If she would have offered a blow job he would of said yes, he was just an asshole :s

Reply

AlphaPrice | 7

#5226884 - Saturday 8 December 2012 16:24

Texans are awesome people. This is just one slight exception

Reply

Vaati_fml | 20

#5488207 - Sunday 12 May 2013 2:32

It really doesn't.

By KeithHarris | 0

#132198 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 10:05

That's so hillarious! That's such a dickface move. Well look on the bright side. He shut you down for your confidence not for your butt fat and love handles. lol jk.

By Fenali | 0

#132201 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 10:05

#6 That's the point.

By mutant_zebra | 0

#132212 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 10:11

lol.

By FoundManyLemons | 0

#132214 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 10:14

Psyco....

Reply

Stiggy626 | 25

#6541068 - Saturday 20 February 2016 10:27

psycho*