By Anonymous - United States

Observation

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

I agree, your life sucks

97503

You deserved it

7954

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Intimacy

Coherence dude, do you have it?

In the zone

All over the place

By Anonymous - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54116

You deserved it

4303

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By sadbuttrue. - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my sister's wedding, I went to the very back of the crowd of women waiting to catch the bouquet. Not only did I end up catching it, I was accosted by a crazy chick who ripped it out of my hands, screaming at me in Italian. I later found out she was already engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45254

You deserved it

3835

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By laxie - United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38091

You deserved it

3879

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By unknown - Canada

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33400

You deserved it

6838

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By Anonymous

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43867

You deserved it

4015

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By hwscrewed - United States

Today, I was writing my narrative essay for my English class. When I turned it in, I was really proud of what I thought I wrote. Evidently for some people listening to music while writing essays is a bad thing. My essay was filled with little bits of ZZ Top lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8335

You deserved it

34577

Favorite

By 16isntsweet - United States

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66818

You deserved it

6028

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By Noname - United States

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

84468

You deserved it

18490

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By frankie - Canada

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it didn't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23799

You deserved it

3483

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By Fauxgeek

Today, my 84-year-old grandmother taught me a keyboard shortcut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13279

You deserved it

3344

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By Anonymous - United States - Big Pine Key

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40874

You deserved it

2725

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18672

You deserved it

34687

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37857

You deserved it

3846

Favorite

By monty - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61182

You deserved it

13333

Favorite

By mad flyer - France

Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs sprinting full speed for 10 minutes to catch my next flight. The gate number on my ticket was wrong. It had been changed to one right next to where I had originally pulled up to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30474

You deserved it

3772

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26781

You deserved it

8113

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36662

You deserved it

3702

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By Anonymous

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1560

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By secretsant4

Today, at an 8 a.m. spin class, I knelt on the floor to set up my bike. The bike next to me was too close, and while the girl on it was pedaling to warm up, she pedaled down hard onto my heel, breaking my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3776

You deserved it

440

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By Sadmom - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10867

You deserved it

1391

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By missy - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87244

You deserved it

8634

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By Katsura - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14051

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1341

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By why ma? - 25/3/2020 08:02

May to December

Today, I invited my elderly mother to come stay with my husband and I during this outbreak, just until everything calms down. She declined because we said she couldn’t bring her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a 34 year-old leech who's been living off her for over a year. She refuses to change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1525

You deserved it

186

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By Cellismasher - United States

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38611

You deserved it

18422

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By acab93 - United States

Today, I learned that ham is part of a pig, and not a completely different animal. I'm eighteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9142

You deserved it

64445

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By traumatized4life - United States

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40272

You deserved it

2868

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while watching a man in front of me on the bus remove his cap to scratch his noggin, I noticed the swarm of dandruff that was about to nail me in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28357

You deserved it

2501

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By failure - Australia

Today, I was sitting at the park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I would like to play the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said no thanks, to which the kid responded 'but there is nobody else ugly enough.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

52242

You deserved it

4350

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By Matt

Today, I got a call saying I was successful in my interview to be a pizza delivery driver. As I picked up my contract and got in my car, I reversed sideways into a pole and ripped off my front bumper. The manager came out and helped jam the bumper in so I could make it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1549

You deserved it

632

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By Epithymia - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11540

You deserved it

2930

Favorite

By kelly.duggan - Canada - Carleton Place

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42567

You deserved it

11761

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By gibbette - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55452

You deserved it

7284

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72423

You deserved it

9996

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 20:00

Responsibilities

Today, I got chewed out by my boss. Why? Because my coworkers haven't gotten their work done. Now I have to scan them their work for them to complete it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1262

You deserved it

101

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Darien

Today, I was walking down the street, when an aging lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she had pickpocketed me of my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31517

You deserved it

2562

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By kiki - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41728

You deserved it

12579

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Needles

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39141

You deserved it

8882

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By FML - United States

Today, I found out that when you kick another man in the snowglobes and he smiles at you, there's something creepily wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38125

You deserved it

7474

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By Unlucky - United States

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38548

You deserved it

4927

Favorite

By Max

Today, I sent a thank you note after a job interview, emphasizing my accuracy at editing written reports; I misspelled the company's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4241

You deserved it

5322

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Top comments

By AWESOM_E | 0

#118906 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:03

I wonder what he expected to see instead...?

By hidude12 | 0

#118904 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:03

woah anatomy... did he skip out on 4th grade health?

COMMENTS

By King_of_Kings | 3

#118902 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:02

first

okay, i'm thinking it was his first time giving oral.

eprincy | 0

#980650 - Friday 16 April 2010 23:50

haha funny but thats not really an fml

livelaughlove22 | 0

#1174648 - Monday 2 August 2010 5:27

haha wht is he 8??

By hidude12 | 0

#118904 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:03

woah anatomy... did he skip out on 4th grade health?

By AWESOM_E | 0

#118906 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:03

I wonder what he expected to see instead...?

twaumat | 28

#5434980 - Thursday 4 April 2013 20:00

he is special lol

By eliz3 | 0

#118911 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:06

I assume number 2 isn't getting any then?

She's with her boyfriend, not a stranger.

Lucas_The_Troll | 0

#1137161 - Sunday 25 July 2010 9:10

yeah but still who says that? i certainly wouldn't to my girlfriend. haha

By Indiana_fml | 4

#118916 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:09

lol at #3. Honestly, how old is he?

By Mnemic | 5

#118947 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:30

You should have peed in his face so he was sure about it that it was your pee hole he discovered! :-P

debzzX | 0

#1132331 - Saturday 24 July 2010 8:59

haha win

sarahalyssa_fml | 0

#1245460 - Sunday 15 August 2010 12:35

my friend did that to her boyfriend, before they broke up- ahaha

By ben26_fml | 0

#118949 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:32

what is he like 7?

By Jasper_fml | 0

#118951 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:33

seriously?
men.

Rizzen | 27

#5854983 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 17:33

how about you shut the fuck up you sexist pig.

By avidlistener | 0

#118958 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:38

Maybe you should draw him a map...

sexycookies | 0

#2754108 - Saturday 25 June 2011 5:32

haha I lold

By alex_vik | 0

#118960 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:39

...and? That was probably his first time looking at a vagina up close.

Also, am I the only one not seeing a #2 comment?

Zakk14 | 0

#1980094 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:59

no ur not the # 2 isnt there