By Anonymous - United States

Observation

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

I agree, your life sucks

97538

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7960

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Intimacy

Serious times

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Honesty is the best policy

By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35710

You deserved it

3987

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By Anonymous - United States - Auburn

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31145

You deserved it

3462

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By PO'd big bro - United States - Toccoa

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29917

You deserved it

2259

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By ewewew - United States

Today, during our championship field hockey game, my mouthguard fell into a mass of geese poop. The referee made me put it back in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54334

You deserved it

4778

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26383

You deserved it

4214

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had given up on finding my makeup bag with cell phone and iPod my mom had bought for me recently. So I went to art to join the group of girls with whom I share the back art studio of my school. One of them was talking about how she'd ripped off some bitch's stuff, and she held up my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40532

You deserved it

3071

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By jojo - United States

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61434

You deserved it

12824

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By Megan Snair

Today, my cat threw up on the floor while I was taking a nap. I woke up, still groggy from the nap, and walked over to the bathroom. Not only did I slip on the vomit, spreading it all over the floor and myself, I think I somehow broke a toe in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1472

You deserved it

171

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30008

You deserved it

5397

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By Lilragu97 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30271

You deserved it

2375

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By Mervin22 - Australia

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38230

You deserved it

4415

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By Anonymous - United States - Lahaina

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31248

You deserved it

5463

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By Bridget

Today, on to the bus home from school, I sat next to a guy that I ride with every day, but don't know well. He looked at me and said, "Hey, I know this girl named Bridget who looks just like you, but a lot more pale. She's really weird." I'm Bridget. I just got a tan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1788

You deserved it

179

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By dickface - United States - Lewisburg

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21192

You deserved it

1546

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By junior07

Today, I gave my niece a $100 bill instead of a $10 so she could buy ice cream. When I realized my mistake, she never returned it but thanked me and gave me a big hug. Now I don't have money for gas or food all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3548

You deserved it

1934

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By Wells Fargo Worker

Well shit.

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4310

You deserved it

219

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 07:04 - United Kingdom

Genius, definitely

Today, my boyfriend claims he found a way of spending time with my son without actually spending time with him. They play hide and seek, and for a long time as he shouts, “I’m gonna find you” every few minutes. The game can last over an hour while he watches TV without interruptions. Genius or asshole? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1215

You deserved it

215

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By acapelladisaster - United States - Indianapolis

Today, in my online class I accidentally unmuted my mic. Normally that would be fine except today I decided to serenade myself with a silly song. I didn't realize until everyone started clapping at the end of the song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30777

You deserved it

7126

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By cai - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. He was drunk and won't remember any of this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35523

You deserved it

3830

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By Music Lover - 7/11/2020 05:01 - United States - San Jose

Bum note

Today, after entering a conservatory of music, I've worked really hard on my academic subjects to past through the exam, so my major is pretty weak. After practising 6 hours a day for three weeks, my teacher asked me to change my major and said I'm the worst student she's ever seen. And there‘s nowhere I can go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

806

You deserved it

134

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By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Denied

Today, an Air Force recruiter called me. I've been wanting to join the Air Force for 5 years now. After chatting on the phone with him for 10 minutes, I mentioned to him that I had asthma. He quickly told me I can't join any of the military branches, and to have a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1718

You deserved it

424

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By enya - Luxembourg

Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21996

You deserved it

1427

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By Angrymom

Today, my teenage son informed me that when he’s too lazy to walk to the bathroom, he uses the kitchen sink as a toilet. I use that sink every day to wash vegetables for my family's dinner. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3026

You deserved it

311

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By Jpah - United States

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice, we were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?". She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49748

You deserved it

3889

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called the college of my dreams to check the status of my application. Turns out they "never received" copies of my transcripts. They did however cash the $70 application fee that was mailed with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32964

You deserved it

2484

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By charliemann_ - United States

Today, a woman came into the gas station where I work, yelling because her credit card wouldn't read at the pump. I politely told her that I could set the pump up for a set amount, and she could swipe the card at the register. Her response: "You need Jesus." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31592

You deserved it

2747

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By Connor - United States

Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30963

You deserved it

2625

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By Dumbass

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

866

You deserved it

3871

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By Jenny - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

115114

You deserved it

8685

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By Anonymous

Congratulations. Or not.

Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

734

You deserved it

1964

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By Yue - Canada

Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35182

You deserved it

2600

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By feel so dirty

Today, I asked my husband when he first knew he loved me. He replied, totally honestly, that I was the easiest girl he'd ever managed to talk into a one night stand, only instead of doing the walk of shame the next morning, I stayed so long we ended up married with kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5555

You deserved it

1229

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52597

You deserved it

6777

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By sneezeattack - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30881

You deserved it

4271

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By TalkDirtyToMe - New Zealand

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45914

You deserved it

7421

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By DontGive2Fox

Today, I had my first job interview and didn’t have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn’t speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2157

You deserved it

1584

Favorite

By skreweduP - United States

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41180

You deserved it

3765

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By fox_at_heart - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my father has been saving money to help me buy my first car. In the same conversation, I found out my mother, unbeknownst to my dad, used nearly all of the money to bail my drunken, deadbeat uncle out of jail for the 4th time a month ago. He is now back in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12769

You deserved it

760

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He said he would have done it two weeks ago but he needed someone to drive him around while his car was getting repaired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47180

You deserved it

4416

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60887

You deserved it

5124

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Top comments

By AWESOM_E | 0

#118906 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:03

I wonder what he expected to see instead...?

By hidude12 | 0

#118904 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:03

woah anatomy... did he skip out on 4th grade health?

COMMENTS

By King_of_Kings | 3

#118902 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:02

first

okay, i'm thinking it was his first time giving oral.

eprincy | 0

#980650 - Friday 16 April 2010 23:50

haha funny but thats not really an fml

livelaughlove22 | 0

#1174648 - Monday 2 August 2010 5:27

haha wht is he 8??

By hidude12 | 0

#118904 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:03

woah anatomy... did he skip out on 4th grade health?

By AWESOM_E | 0

#118906 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:03

I wonder what he expected to see instead...?

twaumat | 28

#5434980 - Thursday 4 April 2013 20:00

he is special lol

By eliz3 | 0

#118911 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:06

I assume number 2 isn't getting any then?

She's with her boyfriend, not a stranger.

Lucas_The_Troll | 0

#1137161 - Sunday 25 July 2010 9:10

yeah but still who says that? i certainly wouldn't to my girlfriend. haha

By Indiana_fml | 4

#118916 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:09

lol at #3. Honestly, how old is he?

By Mnemic | 5

#118947 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:30

You should have peed in his face so he was sure about it that it was your pee hole he discovered! :-P

debzzX | 0

#1132331 - Saturday 24 July 2010 8:59

haha win

sarahalyssa_fml | 0

#1245460 - Sunday 15 August 2010 12:35

my friend did that to her boyfriend, before they broke up- ahaha

By ben26_fml | 0

#118949 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:32

what is he like 7?

By Jasper_fml | 0

#118951 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:33

seriously?
men.

Rizzen | 27

#5854983 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 17:33

how about you shut the fuck up you sexist pig.

By avidlistener | 0

#118958 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:38

Maybe you should draw him a map...

sexycookies | 0

#2754108 - Saturday 25 June 2011 5:32

haha I lold

By alex_vik | 0

#118960 - Friday 17 April 2009 12:39

...and? That was probably his first time looking at a vagina up close.

Also, am I the only one not seeing a #2 comment?

Zakk14 | 0

#1980094 - Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:59

no ur not the # 2 isnt there