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Legged it

By poserpilot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 027

You deserved it 6 839

Leave them alone

By Anonymous - 23/07/2009 11:13 - Greece

Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 661

You deserved it 8 841

By Richard - 06/02/2010 18:39 - France

Today, there was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group, so I decided to introduce myself. Her reply was, "Wow, I've always wanted to meet a gay guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 363

You deserved it 4 527

By Awahso - 16/10/2013 21:42 - United States - Buford

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 247

You deserved it 3 619

By Anonymous - 14/09/2018 03:30

Today, I finally found out why I got a D in a class last semester. It was a heavily attendance-based class, and apparently he only marked you present if you participated in class discussion. It was a 100-seat lecture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 902

You deserved it 338

By for fuck sake dad - 02/11/2012 23:50 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 003

You deserved it 3 483

Annoyed

By sparkle - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her Twitter account to complain about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 488

You deserved it 5 996

By Maestro - 01/12/2008 06:09 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 586

You deserved it 4 057

People of Walmart

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 14:34 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life." I'm 26 and just very short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 020

You deserved it 2 715

This ain't working out

By just a reaction - 17/08/2020 23:09

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 120

You deserved it 350

Grind mindset

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to snatch my son's phone to hang up his “super important work phone call” and force him to pay attention to the nurse trying to hand him his newborn son, while his wife was passed out. He's so career obsessed, I don’t think he noticed his son being born at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 236

Alexa, play "The Sign" by Ace of Base

By Julie - 23/11/2011 05:25 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. When I confronted her, she yelled at me for not noticing the signs sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 164

You deserved it 4 964

Father material

By Anonymous - 23/08/2020 02:07

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 531

You deserved it 983

Squeaker of the house

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 21:12 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 629

You deserved it 2 417

Poultry

By sparkynobe - 30/12/2016 08:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, a co-worker asked me what meat we use for the drumsticks. We work in a chicken factory. This co-worker also thought that spreading out the chicken wings more evenly in the tray would increase the overall weight of the product. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 010

You deserved it 276

Let down

By Anonymous - 27/08/2020 05:01

Today, after having spent two weeks planning my husband's surprise birthday party with his friends and family, we get in the car on the way to "dinner" and he says, "I really hope it's just the two of us tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 357

Creepy and spooky

By Dino - 12/10/2012 06:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 775

You deserved it 2 382

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 29/08/2020 14:09

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 114

Hot boy summer

By dumbassbuffet - 11/11/2011 15:53 - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 755

You deserved it 84 144

The X Factor

By Tajjali Fatima - 13/09/2020 22:58

Today, I was singing in a terrible voice on purpose during a Zoom call from school, thinking I was on mute. I carried on, until a message saying, "The host has muted you" appeared on my screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 1 785

Co-parenting

By not helping - 18/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I confiscated my daughter’s tablet, phone and laptop after I caught her exchanging nudes with boys. My ex then called me in a rage, threatening to take me to court over “stealing his belongings” since he purchased them. No concern for our daughter’s behavior, just him wanting the stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 175

By whatadisappointmnet - 05/11/2011 18:58 - United States

Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked him if this was his happy place too. He said, "Nah, it's in pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 633

You deserved it 9 986

Misunderstanding

By lebanesewoman - 30/06/2009 16:17 - Hong Kong

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 036

You deserved it 3 948

Game of Thrones 2: Pig in the City

By GOT not for me - 15/09/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I found out my ex lets our kids watch Game of Thrones during his weekend visits. Our kids are 8 and 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 203

Biblical

By Anonymous - 26/12/2021 20:01

Today, my son has a habit of picking on his little brother when in a bad mood. I heard a massive crash and found him out cold with his little brother holding a homemade slingshot and a bunch of rocks. Apparently, in school they just learned about David and Goliath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 514

By wdavi022 - 05/01/2011 09:01

Today, I found out my identity was stolen. The person got credit cards in my name and didn't pay the bills, which has ruined my near perfect credit. The worst part about all of this is that I can't turn the person in. It's my mom, and sending her to jail wouldn't really work out for anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 507

You deserved it 5 455

By BetrayedGirl - 13/01/2010 12:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 959

You deserved it 5 521

Road rage

By Hayley - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 4 665

By driven_crazy - 12/12/2014 19:52 - United States - Newark

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 914

You deserved it 8 007

By Anonymous - 17/11/2018 17:30

Today, my boiler packed up on me just as the weather has turned cold, with no money to have it fixed. Hello to a week of freezing cold showers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 184

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The Top

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 740

You deserved it 1 659

Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 877

You deserved it 11 418

Today, despite years of paranoid checking, I forgot to check my towel for spiders after my shower. Two crawled onto me, and I'm pretty sure there's one somewhere in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 185

You deserved it 5 526

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 606

You deserved it 3 383

Today, I went for a job briefing, and after that was told to do some editing for them. When I asked the person whether I was paid for the day, she laughed and said no. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 589

You deserved it 3 126

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 748

You deserved it 8 743