Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out... - FML

By Interrupted - 27/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a chair less than two feet away from the bed. She made idle conversation with us for the next 15 minutes. My fiancé was still inside me the entire time. FML

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Rock, hard place

Tidy your room

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By ThisGuy97 - 12/8/2011 20:46 - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

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By ScarredForLife - 25/12/2009 06:28 - United States

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

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By ivegotapackage - 5/1/2015 23:47 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML

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By imatotalloser - 28/7/2017 05:00

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

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By Zibby - 11/2/2011 05:51

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

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By Vlen - 24/5/2015 02:38 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2014 01:12 - United States - Coraopolis

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

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By no no no - 23/7/2017 20:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Game of Nope

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

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By awks - 1/4/2014 00:43 - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2014 19:30 - United States - Traverse City

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 09:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

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By LuvShawn - 27/2/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

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By - 4/1/2009 21:43 - France

Today, on her Facebook profile, my ex erased all the pictures where we were together, add her new boyfriend to her friends and changed her status to "I'm so happy". FML

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By poorgirl - 23/9/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

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By rileycrash - 20/5/2011 02:08 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

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By Haitwun - 14/12/2015 07:29 - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

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By cocacoola - 11/7/2011 14:24 - Iceland

Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML

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By umyuck - 3/5/2015 16:55 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

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By sadcat - 6/2/2010 15:19 - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet. He said he felt a strange lump that could be serious. I got really upset and picked her up, crying. The vet then told me I had to put her down. Absolutely devastated by having to euthanize my cat, I passed out. He meant I had to put her back on the table. FML

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By dan - 9/5/2012 20:10 - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

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By off the family - 17/6/2018 20:30

Today, my daughter apparently have had enough of my mother-in-law's favoritism and constant bashing at me by going: "Grandma, might I highly recommend death at this point." She's 7. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 01:00

Second time

Today, I woke up with a rash on my face after just getting over a bad cold. I was told by the doctor that it was a staph infection spread by wearing a face mask. The face mask I wore so people wouldn’t catch the cold from me. FML

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By clinictime - 11/4/2012 23:05 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I had an important powerpoint presentation for ALL the big execs at work. It seems that during my lunch break, my boyfriend IMed me on my mac saying "Feeling so horny right now, come home for a quicky like last week?" I didn't see it until the presentation. So did the executives. FML

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By RockedSystem - 22/4/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 20:01

It's good to learn!

Today, I’m living in China and I asked my native boyfriend to read me the names of all the different goods at the bakery, so I can do more than just point next time. I realized why he doesn’t see the point, when he translated : "Bread, bread, bread, bread and… bread." FML

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By Husband - 13/3/2017 18:00

Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was on a friends trampoline trying to convince my mom trampolines are safe and I should get one. While telling her I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML

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By Drew - 1/6/2019 18:00

Today, I was sitting at home when the police knocked on my door. They came inside, sat me down and told me that both my parents died in a car crash tonight. I started to cry, but about 10 minutes later, I find out they had the wrong person. I feel bad for the other guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

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By Noname - 10/2/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2018 03:30

Today, I finally found out why I got a D in a class last semester. It was a heavily attendance-based class, and apparently he only marked you present if you participated in class discussion. It was a 100-seat lecture. FML

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By - 1/5/2019 00:00

Today, I got pulled over for violating hands-free law and not having an updated address on my driver's license. Two days ago, I got pulled over for the same reasons. Now, I have four tickets I need to deal with. FML

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By NotSpiderman - 31/10/2012 17:09 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

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By DontGive2Fox - 5/3/2019 04:00

Today, I had my first job interview and didn’t have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn’t speak. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, with a Master's degree and I'm still unemployed. FML

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By get tf over it! - 30/6/2020 20:02

Cartoon villain

Today, I had a Skype interview for a wonderful new job. I was calm, cool and ready to land it. But just like in a bad movie, the interviewer ended up being the creepy guy I turned down repeatedly in high school and in our 20s. He smirked and told me I could continue, but it would be pointless. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2019 06:00 - United States

Beat It

Today, we had an office party and everyone had to dress as a dead star. I love Michael Jackson so I dressed up as him. It turns out I looked more like my boss than Michael. I was then written up for "theoretically" killing my boss. FML

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By LH0026 - 6/8/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

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Top comments

By nataleeeuh | 0

#1758370 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:14

Why in the hell would the mom be in there in the first place?

By dudeitsdanny | 9

#1758372 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:14

Why were you having sex in the room you were, seemingly, sharing with her? Especially when she was just in the bathroom.. O.o At least do so when she leaves the hotel room.. Not when she could walk in within a few minutes..

COMMENTS

By nataleeeuh | 0

#1758370 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:14

Why in the hell would the mom be in there in the first place?

Reply

robosonic | 2

#1758445 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:28

I'm predicting a whole wave of "Lol threesome" comments will approach soon.

it seems like the mom took it all casually though...

Reply

marmlr339 | 14

#1758448 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:28

yea WTF would she be doing there? and why did u just lie there? you should have tried to bait her out of the room

Reply

DudeImBetter | 0

#1758547 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:45

lol threesome

Reply

xFalzz | 0

#1758558 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:47

Wincest threesome! Trololol

*Am I doing it right?*

Reply

Zya_fml | 8

#1758608 - Saturday 27 November 2010 11:00

LOL...this whole FML is f***k'd up 0.o

Reply

lindsey37 | 0

#1758717 - Saturday 27 November 2010 11:46

^^ Amen! haha

Reply

Bees_fml | 0

#1758947 - Saturday 27 November 2010 12:48

You guys are all suggesting a threesome, but the OP already said his mom was making love to him.

"While making love to my fiancé, his mom..."

Grammar fail.

Reply

AtoZnumbersand_ | 1

#1759173 - Saturday 27 November 2010 14:05

WTF?? Why is no one asking why they didn't stop having sex for fifteen minutes while his mother was two feet away?

Reply

marmlr339 | 14

#1759398 - Saturday 27 November 2010 15:03

why is there a replica Justin bieber on here?

Reply

sheehan35 | 2

#1759494 - Saturday 27 November 2010 15:31

yeah sounds fake

Reply

Draminicaus | 0

#1759502 - Saturday 27 November 2010 15:32

Why are there still people trying to insult xfalzz because he looks like Bieber? That insult got sick and died a month ago.

Reply

JennyyBennyy | 0

#1759863 - Saturday 27 November 2010 16:53

no, OP's grammar is correct, you're just an idiot..

Reply

Bees_fml | 0

#1759892 - Saturday 27 November 2010 17:22

The FML staff fixed it; apparently they realized OP's grammatical error as well. (That's why I quoted what it used to say.)

Reply

BBQFetus | 0

#1760065 - Saturday 27 November 2010 19:43

why is there a replica iron man here..?:D

Reply

SkeetMaGeet637 | 1

#1760825 - Saturday 27 November 2010 22:22

Grammar Nazi's make me happy :)

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#1762412 - Sunday 28 November 2010 6:23

You make us unhappy when you add unnecessary apostrophes.

Reply

OwN3d3d | 0

#2740797 - Thursday 23 June 2011 6:42

ur an idiot

Reply

DerpyDerpinator | 15

#5938568 - Thursday 8 May 2014 17:30

Leaving out apostrophes makes us unhappy too.

Reply

ZeusBeDubsteppin | 24

#6447470 - Thursday 29 October 2015 6:09

better question is why were they having sex if they knew she was there in the first place. not to mention asking her to leave..

By dudeitsdanny | 9

#1758372 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:14

Why were you having sex in the room you were, seemingly, sharing with her? Especially when she was just in the bathroom.. O.o At least do so when she leaves the hotel room.. Not when she could walk in within a few minutes..

Reply

felipe87 | 2

#1758779 - Saturday 27 November 2010 12:00

I was wondering the same thing

Reply

zachjack | 0

#1759086 - Saturday 27 November 2010 13:39

I agree

Reply

pinkdottedbow | 0

#1759385 - Saturday 27 November 2010 15:00

Agree, 2.
By the way, you look like Julian Casablancas.

Reply

kenjiisown | 1

#1759986 - Saturday 27 November 2010 18:49

^^Yes, he does. JC is so hot.

Reply

ashylarry | 0

#1762553 - Sunday 28 November 2010 7:45

it's probably a fake fml. it happens.

Reply

Gook0123 | 9

#4634076 - Saturday 30 June 2012 14:34

What a stud...

By keoct | 4

#1758376 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:15

Umm if your fiancé could keep it up and in you for 15 minutes well his mom was in the room there might be some issues there.

Reply

Kaatyy | 0

#1758469 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:31

^Exactly

Reply

Iskaria | 0

#1758723 - Saturday 27 November 2010 11:47

Yes, this! lol my thoughts exactly!

Reply

Micayla | 12

#1758736 - Saturday 27 November 2010 11:52

I agree!

Reply

Nutz321 | 0

#1758925 - Saturday 27 November 2010 12:35

agreed

Reply

blazed562 | 0

#1760085 - Saturday 27 November 2010 19:52

agreed

Reply

hobojo11 | 0

#1760847 - Saturday 27 November 2010 22:32

bow chika wow wow

Reply

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#6652231 - Monday 18 July 2016 8:50

He's probably like, "Shit, I have an audience now! I gotta perform."

By Crimsonhead | 0

#1758378 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:15

Why the hell would you not put an end to it, rather than continue for 15 minutes? I call bullshit.

By ThoraxeTheImpale_fml | 0

#1758392 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:18

I wanna have, intercourse with you!
I love stewie

Reply

shanie123 | 10

#1758421 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:23

"is there a shorter word for intercourse?" lol I love stewie too

Reply

purplemonster89 | 0

#1761356 - Sunday 28 November 2010 0:46

relations!

Reply

shishi96 | 0

#1762597 - Sunday 28 November 2010 8:12

sex? duhh bahaha(:

Reply

samantha_nicholl | 0

#2585868 - Monday 30 May 2011 8:48

ha

By shanie123 | 10

#1758406 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:21

that is sooo creepy

By DEXter501 | 0

#1758416 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:23

Seriously? At least TRY to have some decency while your future in-laws are around. Did you really expect her to not notice?

Reply

DEXter501 | 0

#1758433 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:26

Oh and honey, you weren't "interrupted", you were asking for it.

Reply

BloodyHeel | 8

#1758610 - Saturday 27 November 2010 11:01

How dare sex be interrupted.

Reply

122409 | 0

#1758755 - Saturday 27 November 2010 11:55

so like, I fucking love that your picture is the Cannibal artwork. just sayin'

Reply

DEXter501 | 0

#1762741 - Sunday 28 November 2010 9:14

Yeah Static-X sure is something. Disturbed is cool too

By xFalzz | 0

#1758464 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:31

Wasn't that a brilliant idea? And how did the mother have no clue what was happening under those blankets for an entire 15 minutes?

Reply

Rei_Ayanami | 18

#1758483 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:35

I'm sure she knew, and tried to make it awkward.

Reply

mr_erotic32 | 0

#1761932 - Sunday 28 November 2010 3:38

is that Justin bieber

Reply

UnicornPukePink | 0

#2570054 - Friday 27 May 2011 0:26

No, it isn't Justin Bieber. I know some people find it hard to believe, but everyone with brown flippy hair isn't Justin Bieber.

Reply

Jezlovespink | 5

#4007628 - Wednesday 8 February 2012 4:27

Maybe she was not sober??? On drugs? Alcohol??

Reply

sweethang26 | 7

#5118621 - Monday 5 November 2012 23:20

he looks nothing like Bieber..

By DudeImBetter | 0

#1758497 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:37

15 straight minutes dang he must have the world record or something.

Reply

doughertyz | 1

#3555020 - Monday 7 November 2011 19:18

Except not......

Reply

banemask | 14

#5693094 - Saturday 28 September 2013 11:47

Really? I hope that was sarcasm but for some reason i doubt it

Reply

inthehidden | 16

#6475286 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 0:35

Did you really expect him to keep going while his mom is sitting there?

By Northerntowngirl | 0

#1758499 - Saturday 27 November 2010 10:37

seriously why were you doing it when she was just in the bathroom! ydi for sure!

Reply

tmarie21 | 0

#1759648 - Saturday 27 November 2010 16:02

AGREED!