By LondonTor - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Christmas is dangerous

Today, I was moving my sofa to make space for the Christmas tree and the sofa slipped on the wooden floor, thus flipping my right big toenail up 90° so it is now only connected at the cuticle. FML
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By  ViviMage  |  38

The white tip of the nail is dead, the pink part is the nail matrix or "quick", the living part.

Clean (nail) scissors with rubbing alcohol. Use scissors to remove the detached part of the nail if the nail is partly attached. Soak your finger or toe in cold water for 20 minutes after trimming the nail. Apply a thin layer of petroleum jelly, such as Vaseline, and cover the area with a nonstick bandage.

The rest might fall out but if the matrix is still alive and intact you will grow another nail.

By  Paul B. Gyurcsanszky  |  14

This happened to me. Twice. Two different pieces of furniture. Same toe.

  ViviMage  |  38

Are you feeling it now Mr Krabs?