Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully... - FML

By SeriousJoker72 - 11/10/2014 01:17 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML

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SeriousJoker72 Say more :

Hahahahaha! Maybe I'll make that my Halloween costume!

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Assumptions

Business savvy

By I hate my job - 23/12/2014 08:14 - Canada - Delta

Today, I went to my retail job to buy some clothing. As soon as I walked through the doors, my manager yelled at me for not being in appropriate work clothes. I tried to explain that I was off the clock but he was having none of it. I got written up. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2012 19:50 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he had to move away to be with his dad, who's just been diagnosed with cancer. After talking to his sister, I discovered that not only is his dad healthy, he's not moving away either; he's just gotten back with his ex. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2015 15:23

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML

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By notmyfam - 9/9/2016 07:47 - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

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By deuceaddict - 3/11/2017 21:00

Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

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By Mom - 25/7/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

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By Broderick - 26/3/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

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By NotASportsGuy - 6/9/2015 12:46 - United States - Long Island City

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

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By magnolia - 14/7/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

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By macattack - 2/9/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

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By musicman2005 - 30/3/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML

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By blaze - 17/2/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

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By tripb101 - 22/4/2009 18:47 - United States

Today, I hinted at getting it on towards my wife (it's been 2 weeks since we last did). She answered with "no I'm to tired", within 2 minutes she said, "I'm gonna go use the treadmill". She got all hot and sweaty for about 30 minutes, but it was with the treadmill. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2012 05:25 - United States - North Bergen

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

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By unknown - 28/5/2019 04:00

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

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By cowgirl - 6/11/2012 05:42 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

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By Firequeen - 21/11/2016 21:44

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

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By fstfckd - 7/6/2014 19:16 - United States

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

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By JoblessandStupid - 14/2/2017 14:00 - United States - Stockbridge

Today, I got pissed and tried to storm out of work, only to get outside and realize I couldn't because I'd let my coworker borrow my car for lunch. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 14:00

Mah freedoms!

Today, my roommate told me she's coming back from her family's large house in Reno to Hawaii, because she "wants to work." We have a 14-day visitor's quarantine. And my workplace extended this to travellers' roommates. FML

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By wtfisthisworldcomingto - 25/4/2011 12:11

Today, I was mugged. The guy mugging me was eating a banana. FML

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By hello higher premiums, fuckwad - 25/8/2013 16:23 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2013 17:03 - United States - Norman

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

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By Shitsuo01 - 30/12/2016 01:56 - United States - Douglasville

Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML

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By Nessa - 10/5/2017 15:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom got out a camcorder she's had a while. She said there were tapes of me when I was a child. The first tape I put in was a porno of her and her ex-boyfriend. FML

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By displeased - 5/4/2012 06:47 - United States - Candler

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

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By Amanda - 11/8/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I went to Safeway. Go in, get stuff, come out, and I have almost no room to get into my car because an SUV was parked in a compact spot next to me all crooked. Irritated, I got a pen and paper and wrote 'Nice parking you F*ing idiot' and stuck it on the windshield. Then I notice someone was in the SUV. FML

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By burritobreasts - 15/10/2014 06:27

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

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By two-hours-to-pick-up - 9/10/2009 09:46 - Australia

Today, I was in a fancy department store. I was wearing my travel backpack. I was turning around after paying at the checkout and my backpack hit a metre-tall display covered with necklaces. It went crashing to the floor, hitting another display table laden with jewelry that collapsed under it. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the cracks. I quickly looked away, and about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML

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By NewRoommateNeededASAP - 13/10/2016 01:29 - United States

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

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By ava_henryy - 30/4/2013 08:04 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, I had to be rushed to the hospital when I started sneezing uncontrollably and got a huge rash. It turns out I'm highly allergic to a chemical in most cleaning supplies. Great. I just got a job as a house cleaner for a very rich family. FML

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By shotdown - 2/12/2015 20:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 07:26

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

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By copshop - 10/11/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

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By fuckedbyretail - 2/2/2013 14:53 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML

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By Sorry Not Sorry - 1/11/2016 14:01

Today, my boss bitched me out for a customer complaint. The complaint was me not laughing at the customer's joke of me asking for his ID and him saying no. I'm sorry, I've been getting this joke a least twice a day since I started working here two years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2015 18:51 - Norway - Bergen

Today, like every day, I woke up at 3 in the morning because my roommate needs "a three hour warning" before his real alarm goes off. His alarm is a constant beeping noise which he always ignores for a good 10 minutes before finally getting up and turning it off. FML

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Top comments

By darwinism | 30

#6086796 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:02

Playing games helps to lift your mood. I suggest "connect the dots". FYL

By logic368 | 8

#6086795 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:02

At least it's in the right angle for your face...

Comments

By logic368 | 8

#6086795 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:02

At least it's in the right angle for your face...

Reply

possy | 19

#6086953 - Saturday 11 October 2014 16:54

Left turns only!!

Reply

wolfgold2 | 20

#6087446 - Sunday 12 October 2014 8:55

someBODY ONCE TOLD ME

Reply

James_is_Mexican | 25

#6088743 - Monday 13 October 2014 19:54

Luigi! :D

By darwinism | 30

#6086796 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:02

Playing games helps to lift your mood. I suggest "connect the dots". FYL

By Pleonasm | 34

#6086797 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:03

L for love!

Reply

klaudia_ | 14

#6086805 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:12

L is for Loser

Reply

iSativa | 24

#6086829 - Saturday 11 October 2014 13:10

Someone has never seen Dodgeball. Like seriously, what are you doing with your life?

Reply

RussRuss | 7

#6086888 - Saturday 11 October 2014 15:04

They're not watching Dodgeball we know that

Reply

mannatee | 19

#6087045 - Saturday 11 October 2014 20:06

Pff, L is for luigi.

By False_Stupidity | 41

#6086798 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:04

Hey, at least your acne knows how to spell, or knows one letter at least. Keep checking to see if other letters form!

On the other hand it could be the start of some beautiful acne art.

Reply

thevelociraptor | 31

#6086835 - Saturday 11 October 2014 13:15

Your spirits are uplifting, but acne is not something people usually admire and/or buy.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#6087087 - Saturday 11 October 2014 21:15

You never know, acne art could be the next weird craze.

By Noah197099 | 17

#6086802 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:09

I think your body is trying to tell you something.

By laalaleslie | 13

#6086808 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:20

Well, the "L" certainly doesn't stand for "lucky"...

By Earths_Venus | 25

#6086813 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:31

It's time for a haircut that hides your forehead...

Reply

mikepzz | 27

#6086840 - Saturday 11 October 2014 13:28

So I guess that's more if a non haircut really..

Reply

chinaski7628 | 32

#6087069 - Saturday 11 October 2014 20:44

Or a haircut with bangs....

By OnlyAvailableID | 28

#6086817 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:39

Smashmouth was wrong. It wasn't her finger and her thumb that was in the shape of an 'L' on her forehead.

Reply

OnlyAvailableID | 28

#6086820 - Saturday 11 October 2014 12:43

She still looks kinda dumb however.

Reply

Kyle1dc | 17

#6086928 - Saturday 11 October 2014 16:11

hey now, your a rock star for saying that.

Reply

fivetimeslonger | 24

#6087277 - Sunday 12 October 2014 3:22

That song was the first thing I thought of, too!

By PanTheMighty | 5

#6086832 - Saturday 11 October 2014 13:12

Did anyone call you Luigi?

By Mauskau | 35

#6086851 - Saturday 11 October 2014 13:43

Mine has recently decided to just appear in a straight line across my face, like symmetrical spots. :(