Health: Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully... - FML

11/10/2014 01:17 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 792

You deserved it 3 509

SeriousJoker72 tells us more.

SeriousJoker72 18

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Saturday 11 October 2014 19:09

Hahahahaha! Maybe I'll make that my Halloween costume!

Another great day to be alive

Fishy anxiety

Masterchef 2020

24/12/2015 21:51 - Australia

Today, I made a typo in a line of code, bringing the company website down. Our admin was already pissed about having to work over Christmas, and he started yelling at me and ended up punching my supervisor when he got between us. Pretty sure my screw up indirectly got the poor guy fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 292

You deserved it 3 265

Balls

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, at 17 years-old my doctor told me my balls are riddled with multiple small cancerous tumours. They are now useless for sperm production and will have to be removed anyway to cure the cancer, but not to worry, for aesthetic reasons they can replace them with silicone balls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 578

You deserved it 94

15/01/2013 18:57 - United States - Sanford

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 068

You deserved it 7 817

Marriage (Dress) Story

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that the company I sent my wedding dress to caught fire and lost everything in their building. I was going to be the fourth generation woman in my family to wear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 132

02/08/2011 06:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 808

You deserved it 2 854

30/05/2013 20:25 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 424

You deserved it 6 093

22/08/2019 00:01

Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 148

29/10/2010 23:15 - France

Spicy

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 559

You deserved it 5 871

11/01/2016 18:03 - United States - Somers

Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 258

You deserved it 2 358

09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Spicy

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 081

You deserved it 36 698

24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 101

You deserved it 7 722

25/11/2012 06:56 - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 333

You deserved it 8 060

25/07/2016 03:32 - United States - Wickliffe

Today, I was accepted to the college of my dreams. Then I checked the address. Turns out, the letter was meant for my neighbor. I was actually denied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 498

You deserved it 1 222

26/09/2009 08:05 - United States

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 788

You deserved it 63 295

19/01/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 365

You deserved it 7 359

22/08/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 743

You deserved it 31 269

08/09/2012 11:38 - United States - Salem

Spicy

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 356

You deserved it 2 544

17/07/2009 12:07 - France

Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 957

You deserved it 7 487

12/08/2017 16:00

Today, I saved a woman from drowning at a pool where I lifeguard, but when I got her out of the water she started screaming about sexual assault. Apparently I accidentally brushed her breasts when pulling her up and out of the water. She wants to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 782

You deserved it 256

No one is safe

By chili - 24/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 284

05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 411

You deserved it 16 505

Annie's Song

By David - 11/10/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 279

05/03/2015 02:05

Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 261

You deserved it 3 015

26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 874

You deserved it 74 365

18/10/2014 21:43 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 378

You deserved it 4 668

19/09/2015 18:58 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 832

You deserved it 1 798

08/10/2011 13:04 - United States

Today, the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with posted pics of them kissing on Facebook, and tagged me in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 963

You deserved it 4 177

03/08/2010 22:37 - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 049

You deserved it 7 390

01/03/2011 22:21 - Reserved

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 243

You deserved it 13 312

30/08/2011 03:56 - Canada

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 629

You deserved it 2 796

30/05/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 510

You deserved it 23 579

16/08/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 544

You deserved it 3 257

What a headache

By heckinfrick - 08/10/2020 08:01

Today, it was the day of the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for for eight months. I woke up with a fever and had to reschedule. The next appointment is next year. Guess I have to put up with my daily migraines until 2021. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 225

02/10/2012 18:27 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I got a coworker at my new job in trouble, because he kept harassing me and asking me out, even after I clearly told him I wasn't interested. Turns out he's very popular around here, and everyone now hates me for being a trouble-maker and not "taking a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 652

You deserved it 3 688

25/10/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war". We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 024

You deserved it 3 792

24/05/2016 14:05

Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 723

You deserved it 1 082

04/04/2015 18:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 052

You deserved it 3 476

12/12/2016 01:18 - United States - Newark

Today, I received some new snow boots I had ordered online. When I opened the package there was only one boot in the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 554

You deserved it 580

11/10/2018 05:00

Today, I worked a 12-hour shift. Today my parents' cat also had diarrhoea. Rather than clean it up when said cat projectile shat all through my bed, they simply closed my door and left it for me. Since it's in my room, apparently it's my problem. They can't understand why I'm pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 238

You deserved it 305

27/12/2012 10:16 - United States

Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 209

You deserved it 8 201

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:02

Playing games helps to lift your mood. I suggest "connect the dots". FYL

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:02

At least it's in the right angle for your face...

Comments

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:02

At least it's in the right angle for your face...

possy 19

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Saturday 11 October 2014 16:54

Left turns only!!

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Sunday 12 October 2014 8:55

someBODY ONCE TOLD ME

James_is_Mexican 25

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Monday 13 October 2014 19:54

Luigi! :D

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:02

Playing games helps to lift your mood. I suggest "connect the dots". FYL

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:03

L for love!

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:12

L is for Loser

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Saturday 11 October 2014 13:10

Someone has never seen Dodgeball. Like seriously, what are you doing with your life?

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Saturday 11 October 2014 15:04

They're not watching Dodgeball we know that

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Saturday 11 October 2014 20:06

Pff, L is for luigi.

False_Stupidity 41

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:04

Hey, at least your acne knows how to spell, or knows one letter at least. Keep checking to see if other letters form! On the other hand it could be the start of some beautiful acne art.

thevelociraptor 31

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Saturday 11 October 2014 13:15

Your spirits are uplifting, but acne is not something people usually admire and/or buy.

False_Stupidity 41

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Saturday 11 October 2014 21:15

You never know, acne art could be the next weird craze.

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:09

I think your body is trying to tell you something.

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:20

Well, the "L" certainly doesn't stand for "lucky"...

Earths_Venus 25

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:31

It's time for a haircut that hides your forehead...

mikepzz 27

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Saturday 11 October 2014 13:28

So I guess that's more if a non haircut really..

chinaski7628 32

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Saturday 11 October 2014 20:44

Or a haircut with bangs....

OnlyAvailableID 28

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:39

Smashmouth was wrong. It wasn't her finger and her thumb that was in the shape of an 'L' on her forehead.

OnlyAvailableID 28

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Saturday 11 October 2014 12:43

She still looks kinda dumb however.

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Saturday 11 October 2014 16:11

hey now, your a rock star for saying that.

fivetimeslonger 24

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Sunday 12 October 2014 3:22

That song was the first thing I thought of, too!

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Saturday 11 October 2014 13:12

Did anyone call you Luigi?

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Saturday 11 October 2014 13:43

Mine has recently decided to just appear in a straight line across my face, like symmetrical spots. :(

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 112

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 134