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Hey! I usually wake up quite early, but I ended up staying up till 11 since I got really nervous. It was my dream job and I messed it up pretty badly. Luckily, they contacted me a week later to reschedule after I embarrassingly told them the honest truth.

Missed me?

By brokebihhhh - 02/01/2017 09:22 - United States

Today, I caught a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 227

You deserved it 691

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, as a priest, I was invited to the home of a lady who claimed that the face of Jesus had appeared to her. She took me upstairs to her bathroom and... it was poo. She genuinely thought she could see Jesus in the poo sitting in her toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 320

You deserved it 359

Know it all

By Ishikur - 03/02/2016 13:33 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 561

You deserved it 1 655

By THAT'S THE LAST STRAW!!! - 20/11/2018 14:00 - Philippines - Pasay City

Today, my mom's boyfriend's son stole from me again, this time it's my $4000 gaming laptop. I confronted them about it, and he ignored me as my mom yelled at me to "Grow up and quit my whining about toys!" When I told my buddy, he said to just beat him up. I would, if only he wasn't 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 411

You deserved it 321

By Lane - 18/11/2018 14:00

Today, I made a frustrating discovery about my new bunny. He can’t stand the fan in my small studio apartment, and thumps angrily and refuses to sleep if it's on. I can’t sleep with it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 655

You deserved it 456

By soontobemurder - 03/05/2017 18:00

Today, my boss took back my week off because he wants to take a spontaneous Caribbean vacation with his wife, which is "clearly more important" than what I was going to do. I needed that time off so I could be with my Dad in hospice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 834

You deserved it 262

Tough job

By iwantaraise - 14/10/2015 01:55 - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 427

You deserved it 3 095

Tasty

By Mighty Mouse - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out the coffee mug my housemate uses to thaw dead mice for his snake is the same mug I use for my morning coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 429

You deserved it 511

By toametru1 - 09/11/2016 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I mockingly made "President Trump" jokes all day to my friends, knowing Clinton was bound to win the election. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 209

You deserved it 9 049

By Anonymous - 16/08/2017 13:00

Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 238

You deserved it 287

By petty petty petty - 08/09/2017 16:00

Today, my mom yelled at me for fighting with my younger brother. Not because she wanted us to stop, but because my brother couldn't find a good comeback to my argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 471

You deserved it 277

By anxious spaghetti - 03/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend over text. We wore each others' hats, so I gave his back and asked for mine. He “accidentally” burned it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 761

You deserved it 464

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

By preggo eggo - 30/11/2017 16:00

Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 287

You deserved it 571

By Anonymous - 10/12/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, I narrowly avoided shooting myself in the foot with a nail gun. I considered myself the luckiest guy ever, until I stepped on a plank with another nail sticking out of it, which went right through my foot. Oh well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 196

You deserved it 800

By RIP - 18/06/2016 23:17 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my girlfriend and I found out that if I'm tickled it causes me to have a panic attack until I cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 767

You deserved it 1 231

Adding insult to injury

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could retake a test. I thought I'd texted back, "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 017

You deserved it 26 653

By raiden - 17/08/2018 20:30

Today, it's my first day of high school. It's also my first day of a three-day in-school suspension. The reason? I sat next to a girl and she immediately got up and told the teacher that she didn't "feel safe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 975

You deserved it 229

By ChinaWillOwnUs - 27/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 238

By Disgruntled - 16/03/2016 12:01 - United States - East Lansing

Today, my 2-year-old daughter started showing signs of understanding the potty training concept. She announced to my mother-in-law that she needed to go potty, only to be flatly told, "No, you don't." So she crapped herself. Now it's going to take forever to train her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 183

You deserved it 1 303

Good vibrations

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 016

You deserved it 16 381

Nightmare mode

By oliver - 27/01/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 548

You deserved it 2 276

By nothappywithlife - 30/03/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260 267

You deserved it 13 186

Very strange behavior

By Loserbot - 04/09/2012 01:02 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 535

You deserved it 28 466

By idk0002 - 05/01/2016 16:46 - United States - Belleville

Today, my roommate blamed me after her cat got shocked after chewing through my phone charger cable. The same one my roommate stole to charge her tablet. Yet it's still somehow my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 268

You deserved it 1 415

idk0002 tells us more.

idk0002 13

Wednesday 6 January 2016 12:01

Hey, OP here, first off the kitten is just fine... Just avoids wires now is all. Second, my roommate apparently got loopy on her allergy medication and her sleeping pills and didn't realize what was going on. And third, I absolutely love the puns, thank you very much for making my bad situation better