Miscellaneous: Today, I'm celebrating my birthday in Russia. While we were enjoying... - FML

By lord24 - 21/11/2015 00:16 - Russian Federation

Today, I'm celebrating my birthday in Russia. While we were enjoying a sauna, one of the guests decided to add water in order to make steam. It wasn’t water, it was vodka. You can imagine the rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 163

Dementia or hate? You decide

Age difference

Assumptions

By justonce - 23/09/2013 22:38 - United States - Williamstown

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 221

You deserved it 3 510

By ohhhjaymo13 - 05/02/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 609

You deserved it 3 349

By knicksfan - 05/04/2009 05:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 813

You deserved it 6 575

By Bad Dancer - 05/07/2015 01:48 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 935

You deserved it 3 505

By blarghhhh - 28/02/2016 14:58 - United States - Owosso

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 983

You deserved it 1 356

By smileytheface - 06/12/2011 03:54 - United States

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 7 160

By kha - 24/03/2009 10:18 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 229

You deserved it 15 093

By mylifesucks - 02/12/2009 01:32 - United States

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 398

You deserved it 4 937

By DENTALITY - 23/05/2015 11:06 - Norway

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 3 641

Explain this

By Anonymous - 18/07/2017 00:30

Spicy

Today, I came home to find my mom in my apartment packing my things and crying. When she saw me she threw her arms around me and explained through her tears that she caught my girlfriend cheating on me and that she was sorry. My girlfriend and I are in an open relationship. I had to explain that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 935

You deserved it 2 516

Gamers rise up

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 12:00 - Romania - Orsova

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 2 years of being together. The reason? I don't enjoy playing video games as much as he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 148

Lookin' good

By Anonymous - 03/03/2021 05:01

Today, I was sitting in the bus station when an old woman looked over at me, then said to her friend, "Young women are so pretty these days." Her friend looked up at me and said, "That's because makeup is so cheap these days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 136

By bad luck skier - 30/12/2013 20:28 - United States - Albany

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 888

You deserved it 3 482

By Anonymous - 02/09/2011 13:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 812

You deserved it 20 190

By Anonymous - 02/10/2017 04:00 - Australia

Today, I accidentally sent highly confidential patient records to a fired employee. This employee made the biggest song and dance about it, calling every boss possible. I couldn't have sent it to a better person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 149

You deserved it 3 214

By oh no - 06/06/2016 15:45 - United States - Rochester

Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 069

You deserved it 3 041

By Stupid - 20/04/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 083

You deserved it 18 570

By mapollis - 20/01/2010 07:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 352

You deserved it 31 774

By mainey92 - 25/02/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I heard a rumor about myself going around my high school that I am pregnant, I've dropped out of school, and that my belly is showing. I'm not actually pregnant. I've been severely depressed, so I've missed a few days of school and I've been eating too much apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 038

You deserved it 4 477

By L_lives - 30/05/2015 05:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 401

You deserved it 2 955

Bonjour!

By Joshua Sheldon - 19/09/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 187

You deserved it 8 501

By ConfusedDad - 29/12/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 489

You deserved it 58 903

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I punished my new dog for going potty inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 170

You deserved it 3 313

By wookieewhosshe - 22/07/2019 06:43

Today, I was informed that my flatmate had not handed his documents in to the new landlord like he'd told me. We are due to move to a new area tomorrow for the new job that I start in 4 days. Now we can't move for another week. Anyone have a spare couch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 131

By kelkline - 31/08/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 939

You deserved it 3 508

Sorry Mr Whiskers

By Brody89 - 09/04/2014 18:40 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 877

You deserved it 37 660

By best friend! - 10/03/2012 05:12 - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 477

You deserved it 2 392

By scarletdurose88 - 19/04/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 696

You deserved it 13 735

By themonkeyman - 23/12/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 186

You deserved it 29 455

By darknight - 21/07/2019 02:03

Today, I found out that pretending to be a bum begging for money can get you stuck in a jail cell for a few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 3 765

By crackie - 16/06/2016 17:45 - Korea, Republic of

Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 470

You deserved it 715

By stalked - 08/01/2014 20:27 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 530

You deserved it 4 776

By Spooked - 06/03/2011 19:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 311

You deserved it 7 139

By Steve - 16/08/2009 17:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 794

You deserved it 8 743

By Mothering - 11/07/2011 09:25 - Australia

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 099

You deserved it 12 540

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally found something to be thankful for in my lonely life: At least I don’t have to panic whenever my period is late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 79

By Sugao - 10/12/2008 07:48 - France

Spicy

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 903

You deserved it 7 578

Make your minds up

By Remy - 16/11/2013 23:39 - United States - Portland

Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 909

You deserved it 3 090

Great mom you got there

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 133

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 422

You deserved it 46 626

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kusje 29

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 18:08

Actually, I cannot imagine the rest. Please explain

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Thursday 28 April 2016 0:09

science class, kids! alcohol has to be over 140 proof (70 alcohol per volume) to be flammable. most vodka (even in Russia) is 60-120 proof. so, unless it was stronger than average vodka, it would not have caught fire. if it was over 140 proof, it wold have still taken an open flame to ignite it. most likely: vodka evaporated and turned into gas, and got everyone VERY drunk. your lungs absorb alcohol WAY quicker and more direct than your stomach, because you're stomach makes alcohol go through the liver before the bloodstream. the lungs are a direct line to the bloodstream. instant shitface. KaalSchneid the science alcoholic guy.

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 18:00

Happy Birthday OP!

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 18:01

I bet you had a Blast.

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 18:03

Vodka is practically water to a Russian. It's to be expected.

kusje 29

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 18:08

Actually, I cannot imagine the rest. Please explain

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 20:01

Alcohol + heat = fire

anonymous2222222 3

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 20:37

Vodka is alcohol, and alcohol is highly flammable. When heat is applied, it usually catches huge flame. At least I believe this is what has happened.

fuckedPriceless 17

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 20:42

see I was imagining vaporized alcohol burning the hell out of people's eyes haha

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Thursday 28 April 2016 0:00

Either the vodka started on fire, or everyone got drunk.

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Thursday 28 April 2016 0:09

science class, kids! alcohol has to be over 140 proof (70 alcohol per volume) to be flammable. most vodka (even in Russia) is 60-120 proof. so, unless it was stronger than average vodka, it would not have caught fire. if it was over 140 proof, it wold have still taken an open flame to ignite it. most likely: vodka evaporated and turned into gas, and got everyone VERY drunk. your lungs absorb alcohol WAY quicker and more direct than your stomach, because you're stomach makes alcohol go through the liver before the bloodstream. the lungs are a direct line to the bloodstream. instant shitface. KaalSchneid the science alcoholic guy.

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Thursday 28 April 2016 4:54

Thank you very much for that explanation. It makes a lot more sense now.

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Thursday 28 April 2016 4:56

Alcohol only needs to be high-proofed to burn if you hold a match to it at room temperature. All alcohols (even wines at 10-13% by volume) will catch fire when 1) exposed to enough heat to cause a rapid evaporation and 2) any open source of flame. Source: Professional Chef with lots of experience lighting shit on fire.

Agron 2

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Thursday 28 April 2016 6:20

Thats how a vaportini works, Google it

Bunny_Hoppers 1

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Sunday 16 October 2016 3:19

Fire. Probably lots of it.

moodyreallyrocks 27

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 18:25

Happy birthday!

CheekyRaccoon 27

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 18:33

You created a portal to another dimension filled with new and exotic lands. Only after years of venturing this wondrous land, you've come back to tell us?

CheekyRaccoon 27

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Thursday 28 April 2016 5:48

Sounds similar but I'm not sure, I heard it being pronounced as Nunya or something. Also there were these flying bisons there, so I've been told that is.

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Thursday 28 April 2016 5:48

#24: Russia's not the safest place to come out of the closet, unfortunately.

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Thursday 28 April 2016 7:13

#39 Nunya? As in "Nunya business"?

CheekyRaccoon 27

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Thursday 28 April 2016 8:47

Yes, I was trying to make a referenced joke Aang it didn't quite work out.

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 18:44

Sounds like an awesome way to get drunk on your birthday.

BumpkinsBigBash 8

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 20:30

you dip, they poured into a open flame or hot coals. It didn't get them drunk, it caught on fire .

mirwi 1

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 22:50

Actually no, that is not how sauna works. In order to get steam you throw water on hot stones above the oven/fire place every couple minutes. Adding alcohol for flavour is completely normal. I myself prefer to use beer because the whole sauna smells like freshly baked bread then.

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 19:27

The alcohol immediately evaporated due to the high heat?

Pimpfromdowntown 11

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 19:28

how does your life suck?

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 19:42

The vodka most likely caught on fire

sturschaedel 27

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Wednesday 27 April 2016 19:48

Actually it's not that uncommon to use scented Schnapps on the stones. Only, usually it's just a couple tablespoons full. You don't get drunk off that, it just intensifies the cleansing effect of the steam by opening up the pores.

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Thursday 28 April 2016 0:02

I'm so gonna try that out.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

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You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

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You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 23

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 273