The Top

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The healthcare system is broken

By no sleep til - 29/12/2021 11:01

Today, I tried talking to my doctor about my insomnia several times, but all she does is prescribe me antidepressants, and tells me to take melatonin or exercise. I ate two melatonin gummies nearly 12 hours ago. I haven’t slept a wink, and my insurance won’t pay for another doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 152

Ouch

By FML Videos - 19/10/2018 18:30 - United States - New York

Trust no one. Nothing.

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 170

No more yodelling

By Anonymous - 05/03/2023 00:00

Today, I was singing in the shower and my neighbor called the police because they thought I was in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 241

Crackers

By smurftastic - 03/09/2013 03:03 - United States - Murrieta

Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 594

You deserved it 3 821

How come you were there?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my best friend is mad at me for "letting my paranoia ruin her relationship." I've been telling her for months now that I don't trust her boyfriend's female best friend, but she never listened to me. Guess who I caught in bed together a few hours ago while my best friend was at work? FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 108

Vibe check

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lost my phone. On the bright side, someone found it. On the downside, they won't give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 787

You deserved it 3 573

By nonameLiz - 03/02/2010 01:16 - United States

Today, I found out that you can get arrested for holding up a "Free hugs" sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 837

You deserved it 11 615

Hey Jude, don't make it bad

By faul - 26/09/2020 05:02 - United States

Today, a lady told me I looked like Paul McCartney in his youth. With that little confidence boost, I told my girlfriend. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that she didn't know who Paul McCartney is, or how she is now obsessively Googling pictures of him and is practically drooling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 221

By snowball - 29/12/2010 23:32 - Switzerland

Today, as I left my house, the front door slammed shut behind me, causing an entire roof-length of snow to slide over the edge and land directly on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 169

You deserved it 5 784

Pass the parcel

By KatnissEverdeen - 16/12/2021 14:01

Today, my fireplace caught fire. The landlord says renters insurance should cover it. The rental insurance says the landlord should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 82

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 626

You deserved it 4 594

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 726

You deserved it 5 006

What could go wrong?

By Rebecca - 03/10/2020 23:07

Today, I slipped into an ATM vestibule quickly without a mask. The place smelled like the antiseptic at a doctor's office, so I figured, "What could go wrong?" Not more than 6 hours later, I found out that I’m sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 941

On the scene

By fire1 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 674

You deserved it 2 374

By ohmy. - 27/12/2010 17:52 - United States

Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 506

You deserved it 7 170

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 927

You deserved it 51 066

Lazy day

By Fail - 17/03/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I got an exercise wheel for my cat. He took a nap on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 318

Demented

By Anonymous - 19/09/2012 14:43 - United States

Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 190

You deserved it 1 873

What are you doing?

By Tyler - 25/08/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 276

You deserved it 9 713

Whine dad

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 16:59

Today, whenever I leave my husband alone with the kids, he still refers to it as "babysitting", especially when he’s complaining about it to his brothers as the reason he never has fun anymore. I always assumed dads were parents too, not unpaid babysitters who get to whine about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 263

Leftovers

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 183

Hanging on in quiet desperation

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Mexico

Today, I have to get an ultrasound at the hospital. In order to get a clear picture, I need to have a full bladder. I've been waiting my turn for 2 hours now, desperately needing to pee. There are still multiple patients ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 138

You deserved it 3 148

By hatetodisappoint - 21/10/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 306

You deserved it 40 176

By wench - 23/12/2010 20:39 - United States

Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 568

You deserved it 36 663

OK, bye then

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 23:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years sprung the news that he had gotten a new job across the country and would be moving immediately. With his wife and children. First I'm hearing about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 200

The disrespect!

By squeezable - 19/06/2009 17:48 - United States

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my love handles, and said, "Honk, honk!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 446

You deserved it 6 822

Winter Fashion Struggles

By FML Videos - 07/11/2018 00:30

It's called fashion, look it up.

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 88

By fakelaugher - 20/12/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 312

You deserved it 24 314

By Ann - 18/06/2009 19:40 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. While I was at the store, an employee came up to me and said, "You're beautiful!" When I came home I told my husband what had just happened. My husband then asked, "What was wrong with him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 572

You deserved it 5 484

Policy of truth

By jk. - 20/01/2022 02:01

Today, my girlfriend tried to look at my phone and I turned it away from her. Now she’s convinced I’m cheating on her. In reality, I’m too embarrassed to admit it’s because Facebook is showing me nonstop ads for laxatives after I ordered some two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 1 159

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The Top

Today, my husband insisted a man can orgasm without cumming if he just clenches hard enough, so of course he went ahead and tried. He got such a powerful cramp in his groin, he shat himself on our cream carpet. Then as I tried to help, he came anyway, right into my fucking eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 119

Today, we wanted to buy a bigger house just up the street from our current house so all three of our kids could have their own rooms, but we were outbid… by my mother in law, so now we’re stuck in our too small house even longer, and the evil old bitch is now close enough to visit us every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 73

Random

Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 883

You deserved it 4 321

Today, I bought a new, expensive face moisturizer. However, it smells like poop. I paid $20 dollars to make my face smell like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 632

You deserved it 31 384

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 726

You deserved it 12 262

Today, my ex-girlfriend got some new piercings and decided to show me. They are the exact same piercings that the girl I'm currently seeing has. I'm starting to think she's still keeping tabs on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 184

Today, the older I get, the more I realise my mom has screwed up my ability to have sex. She used to beat me if she thought I was having impure thoughts, and though she died years ago, when I try to have sex with my girlfriend I hear mom's voice in my head and I go limp. I can’t even masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 167

Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 191