Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked...

By wench - 23/12/2010 20:39 - United States

Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9523

You deserved it

36470

Favorite

Transportation

The best cat

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Trust

By artist - 29/3/2013 11:12 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36759

You deserved it

4495

Favorite

By fack - 29/7/2015 14:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22547

You deserved it

10685

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 23:31 - Canada

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34439

You deserved it

2601

Favorite

By learntmylesson - 3/7/2010 04:15 - France

Today, I politely asked my friend if she would repay me the £20 she owes me. She shouted at me, called me an insensitive bitch, and refuses to pay me back as apparently she can't afford to. Her holiday to Italy next week begs to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36118

You deserved it

3722

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/7/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16386

You deserved it

42262

Favorite

By fuck no - 22/8/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26975

You deserved it

7972

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/3/2014 02:43 - United States - Canyon

Today, my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life. He now watches Sons Of Anarchy when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47039

You deserved it

6938

Favorite

By CodyS - 3/9/2013 05:03 - United States - Rocky River

Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40096

You deserved it

11200

Favorite

By Charlie - 8/9/2009 10:46 - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44348

You deserved it

21038

Favorite

By hatesmellyfeet - 20/1/2010 13:47 - United States

Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28533

You deserved it

4978

Favorite

By K3you - 4/7/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids just wouldn't look right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45638

You deserved it

3567

Favorite

By feelgood - 29/7/2013 05:08 - United States

Today, I woke up on the last day of my vacation at the beach to find that my dog had chewed a hole in the wall of my rented house, 2 hours before the owner arrived to check for any damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44431

You deserved it

6721

Favorite

By zain - 4/6/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49775

You deserved it

3672

Favorite

By NickDrakeFan - 29/10/2013 01:57 - United States

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42553

You deserved it

4520

Favorite

By ohemgee - 11/3/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22575

You deserved it

4845

Favorite

By Josie Stiger - 19/3/2020 05:00

Denied

Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1441

You deserved it

246

Favorite

By katie876 - 14/1/2012 13:34 - United States

Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31022

You deserved it

3390

Favorite

By Chad - 27/4/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56425

You deserved it

10436

Favorite

By MrFerret - 6/5/2011 03:41

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37586

You deserved it

3380

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/9/2011 14:04 - United States

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36579

You deserved it

6373

Favorite

By fedupson - 9/4/2015 14:03 - United States - Milpitas

Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29991

You deserved it

2629

Favorite

By ExtendedVacation - 23/2/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I submitted a vacation request to my manager and it was approved. I came back from lunch and was informed that I have been let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47763

You deserved it

2436

Favorite

By randomguy - 9/7/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24853

You deserved it

12100

Favorite

By Kronic - 2/7/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14262

You deserved it

48442

Favorite

By caly - 12/11/2018 16:32 - United States

Today, while at my mom’s house, my mom told me that I need to seriously curb my food intake. Then I went to my dad’s house and he told me I need to gain weight. I can’t win here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2632

You deserved it

156

Favorite

By CyberPsycho - 28/7/2016 16:24 - United States - Nashville

Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12043

You deserved it

6035

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 09:01 - Mongolia

Today, I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year. I've been volunteering in Mongolia, I have no running water, freeze my ass off everyday and communication with anyone who speaks English is scarce. One of the first things my father said to me was, "out of sight, out of mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36373

You deserved it

3686

Favorite

By noosher0990 - 18/2/2010 00:30

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20753

You deserved it

2741

Favorite

By jessiethebestie - 5/5/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, I learned that for the next two months I'll get to train physicians on how to use the computer program that has made my job obsolete. I've known this program was coming for months, but I didn't know it would be taking my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13544

You deserved it

1000

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/6/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing. And after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48065

You deserved it

22313

Favorite

By creeper - 14/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I like. He's very private and hides all his photos and wall posts on Facebook. Or so I thought, turns out he has me on a restricted friends list, titled "Creepers." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12233

You deserved it

26728

Favorite

By Ralph - 4/4/2012 03:02 - United States - Candler

Today, I learned that my roommate doesn't actually know a damn thing about cooking. I'm suffering the effects of him telling me that chicken is best eaten medium-rare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23111

You deserved it

13244

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/7/2014 08:21 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45381

You deserved it

5092

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I was driving to work. I saw a cute boy in the car next to me. To try and look cool, I pretended I was talking on my cell phone. I got pulled over and got a ticket for using my cell phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7215

You deserved it

70384

Favorite

By sleepless - 20/6/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52920

You deserved it

2872

Favorite

By BlazefireSaber - 7/7/2015 03:59 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32352

You deserved it

2961

Favorite

By rattledwife666 - 21/1/2017 14:00

Today, when I asked my husband to join me In the shower to "save water", he said, "let the environment suffer, not me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7356

You deserved it

937

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/8/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14597

You deserved it

53770

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/8/2012 14:26 - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24477

You deserved it

3954

Favorite

By Lori - 4/11/2015 18:46 - United States - Littleton

Today, I agreed to go on a date with this really nice guy. Halfway through the date he starts talking about his wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24631

You deserved it

1953

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#1884726 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:22

Do you also idly wipe your ass as you ride in elevators? Please, tell us what other disgusting habits you idly have.

By macskapingvin | 0

#1884669 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:09

I think the turn-off was there from the moment you stuck your digit up your nostril.

Comments

By Ninjafriends | 1

#1884628 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:01

I think you impressed her.

Sirin_fml | 46

#1884648 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:04

I believe the key word is "guy".

Sirin_fml | 46

#1884653 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:05

I believe the key word here is "guy".

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1884665 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:08

Sirin, I'm a smoking-hot pot roast.

talldude4u | 3

#1884691 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:12

Absolutely with those eyes. Ostricheyes-itis, I presume? :D

Ninjafriends | 1

#1884702 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:15

Oops

fakeaccountX | 6

#1884751 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:29

I bet you're a real dude magnet.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1884891 - Friday 24 December 2010 1:16

I believe technically itd be ostricheyes-osis or perhaps opthalmomegaly with a hint of blepheromegaly, but you'd have to ask Doc to be sure, as I'm no expert.

Alpha35 | 4

#1884896 - Friday 24 December 2010 1:18

u should've asked him to lick ur finger

ddawgg5523 | 0

#1885031 - Friday 24 December 2010 4:27

disgusting bitch

Afxman | 0

#1886130 - Friday 24 December 2010 13:28

did u pick
a winner

emmely143 | 0

#1892218 - Sunday 26 December 2011 6:12

wow.

claiiire_fml | 17

#1929783 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 3:46

43- get a sense of humor. you're making all the jokes and play on words lame by explaining them.

Chaosinferno | 4

#2162139 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 16:08

good point

By canadian_ftw | 8

#1884658 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:06

I think tinted windows are very useful in this situation.

By Rocketgirl89 | 17

#1884667 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:09

You should have asked him if he wanted to take one side and you take the other. You would have finished picking your nose a lot faster.

celerysticks381 | 0

#1885013 - Friday 24 December 2010 4:00

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

snickers001 | 0

#1885024 - Friday 24 December 2010 4:16

#49 awesome picq :)

ArwinEvenstar | 0

#1885246 - Friday 24 December 2010 7:36

BENDER FTW

By macskapingvin | 0

#1884669 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:09

I think the turn-off was there from the moment you stuck your digit up your nostril.

DAN7IEL | 2

#1885154 - Friday 24 December 2010 6:45

haha I was thinking that same thing!!!!

By kile88 | 2

#1884672 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:10

or maybe just wait till you get home? fuck I don't care if I have a 5c coin stuck up there I'd never pick it in public. that's just dirty. ydi

hail_this_villai | 0

#1884688 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:12

rofl, how often does currency venture into your nose?

TheWicked | 4

#1884707 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:16

Shit happens ya'know ;D

By Doortje | 28

#1884697 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:14

You should have asked your boyfriend to pick it for you. YDI.

By DocBastard | 38

#1884726 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:22

Do you also idly wipe your ass as you ride in elevators? Please, tell us what other disgusting habits you idly have.

hail_this_villai | 0

#1884739 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:24

That's quite a leap Doc, even for you!

BWill9014 | 4

#1884785 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:39

lololol

salsalover_12 | 5

#1884927 - Friday 24 December 2010 1:53

omg doc i love you

bellahhh | 0

#1885275 - Friday 24 December 2010 7:50

LMFAOOOO

By Ninjafriends | 1

#1884731 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:22

It's not altogether uncommon to see people do this. Maybe being in an enclosed space makes people feel that they're isolated, despite the windows.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1884918 - Friday 24 December 2010 1:38

I believe you're correct. I read that something like 30% of people pick their nose while driving.

jvillan87 | 5

#1885122 - Friday 24 December 2010 6:14

I'd like to think that the percentage would be higher...like maybe 40%.

Ninjafriends | 1

#1885326 - Friday 24 December 2010 8:33

Maybe 42%

By Nadinek98 | 0

#1884743 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:26

what did u eat it cause that's just WRONG

By generalasskicker | 12

#1884777 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:38

power ranger^