Same

I had a friend who was dealing with that. He saw a psychiatrist tried some meds to just give him a little willpower to tackle the things keeping him depressed. Changed his life and then got off the meds.

It's not that rare. Depression causes death to become a subject that you keep thinking about. This triggers the natural fear of death. A lot of time depression is not the will to die, it's the will that the suffering will stop, along with a lack of energy to think about other ways of changing things. Treatment and medication reduce the suffering and help you get back on your feet.

I get really bad bouts of depression, and I have my whole life, especially in winter months. my recommendation would be to talk to a doctor, maybe a psychologist, and if possible, see if you can find a strain of cannabis that helps before turning to meds. IMO, when possible, weed is a better choice than pills and often cheaper. but again, look for professional insight before trusting some guy on the internet.

I go through the exact same thing. It’s crippling. I go to therapy and on meds. I am able to work now and leave the house. Please seek out help if you haven’t already.