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Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 13/04/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, my two year-old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 091

You deserved it 24 998

Get out

By Kicked - 25/02/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my dad found condoms in my room and kicked me out of the house. I know I’m 22 but I have nowhere to go. When I told him this, he threw a rolling suitcase at me and told me, “You have somewhere to go now - your boyfriend’s house!” I don’t even have a boyfriend, just casual random hookups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 328

By Username - 09/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 540

You deserved it 8 180

Life imitates art

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 10:59 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, it's now the 10th girl who has gone out with me but ended up falling for one of my close friends, who she met through me. I starting to feel I am that guy in the movie "Good Luck Chuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 86

High expectations

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was arguing with my husband how he has never told our son that he’s proud of him. Without missing a beat, he told me that when our son gets around to doing something he can be proud of, then he’ll tell him he’s proud of him. Our son is a university graduate and trainee doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 102

Costco madness

By Anonymous - 27/02/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my kid kept trying to play in the aisles at Costco and wouldn't listen when I told him to stop. He was spinning in circles when a guy with a cart full of sodas ran into him, rolling over his leg. The first thing my wife said? "Why didn't you tell him to stop?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 372

The golden child

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 06:00

Today, my mother's blatant favouritism of my little brother hit an all time high when she got him his dream car for his 18th birthday, to the tune of £7000. Do you know what she got me for my 18th last year? £10 in a card and a bottle of cheap wine that she ended up drinking herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 91

By anikah - 01/06/2014 21:53 - United States - Natchitoches

Today, I gave up trying to make any friends at my job as a firefighter. I'm the lone female, and am the subject of gossip with the older men. Anyone I try to befriend ends up hitting on me, while others won't even talk to me because their wives are jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 793

You deserved it 5 643

Help!

By Anonymous - 07/05/2012 05:25 - United States - North Bergen

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 668

You deserved it 3 067

Mobbed up

By some people's parents - 18/04/2013 04:01 - United States - Aurora

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 519

You deserved it 4 943

By UnluckyTeen - 22/10/2009 11:29 - Singapore

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from a train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I'd parked my bike, only to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 897

You deserved it 3 421

By skmusic - 09/04/2009 05:04 - Canada

Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 314

You deserved it 75 186

By Username - 11/08/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, I have a horrible hangover. My mom also decided it was a good day to go hiking. I ended up puking on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 1 574

Hello, 911? Crazy person in my house

By Xxvc67 - 22/06/2022 22:00

Today, I was attempting to trash my cheating boyfriend’s house. While I was pouring gasoline all over his belongings, he decided to come home early with the little homewrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 2 433

By fthislyfe - 02/07/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 399

You deserved it 7 968

Social parasites

By Anonymous - 21/06/2022 16:00

Today, after pointing out to my landlord that they have taken nearly $6k from me through illegal rent increases, I was evicted for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 1 196

Controlling

By Anonymous - 24/09/2023 04:00

Today, two days into our honeymoon, my mother-in-law turned up at our Spa hotel and pretended it was a huge coincidence. We are an 8-hour flight away, yet she tried to claim she had a Spa coupon about to expire, from another country. Nice try Linda you nosy, interfering bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 94

Man of steel

By Anonymous - 26/09/2023 00:02

Today, my wife and kids all yelled at me because I was stood at the bookshelf looking for a book, blocking the Wifi router with my body, and their signals all dropped to almost zero, and had stopped them watching videos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 168

Boozehounds

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 921

You deserved it 35 350

DAD! NO!

By Fresca11 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 889

You deserved it 14 222

It's not called a pandemic for nothing

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 13:59

Today, I found out that no matter how careful you are during this pandemic, wearing a mask, washing hands, and social distancing, you can still get COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 284

By Anne - 29/04/2012 06:41 - United States

Today, I spoke to my ex again for the first time after our breakup. The first words out of his mouth were, "I love you, so I'm going to have to confess some things in the hopes that my honesty will help us get back together." It didn't, but it does mean I have to get tested now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 896

You deserved it 3 264

By ashhatches - 27/06/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 431

You deserved it 62 601

By photogirl - 30/08/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, my external hard drive broke. My husband tried to fix it, and the computer told him he needed to format it. Apparently he didn't know what formatting does, so he did it. I'm a wedding photographer and had a full summer of unfinished wedding photography on there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 212

You deserved it 7 450

Who'd want that?

By ... - 14/04/2021 17:00

Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 216

It's an emergency!

By Anonymous - 27/06/2022 14:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my "friend" almost killed both of my cats by feeding them chocolate donuts, even after I slapped one out of his hand and spelled out to him exactly why chocolate is bad for cats. Just to rub more salt into the wound, I got pulled over for speeding while I was driving like mad to get to the vet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 161

Smell you later

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 810

You deserved it 2 706

By La Guigne - 08/04/2013 21:10 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 684

You deserved it 7 897

By SeagullsShouldDie - 28/08/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 165

You deserved it 3 389

By smarty - 16/10/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I bought a safe. I put all of my most prized possessions in it, including all of my jewelry, family heirlooms and important papers. Oh, and just before I locked it up, I put the key to the safe in there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 626

You deserved it 50 273

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The Top

Today, I had to piss really bad, so we stopped at a gas station. I guess I had to pee so bad that I didn't think to check the PUBLIC toilet. My mom went in after me and when she got back in the car, she asked me if I'd pooped, which I hadn't, then she told me that the seat was covered in it. Actual shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 277

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 173

You deserved it 154 544

Random

Today, my store manager told me I was fired. I'm not sure what's more insulting - that he'd fire me, or that he forgot I haven't worked there in four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 055

You deserved it 3 795

Today, I was riding on my usual bus, when I noticed a man staring at me. I was having a really bad day, and said "Can you please stop staring at me?" He then replied with "I'm just trying to look out the window, and your head is in the way. Don't flatter yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 352

You deserved it 46 586

Today, a guy tried a pick-up line on me and followed me into a nearby mall. He left me after 10 minutes, but later sent me a request on Instagram. I never gave him my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 861

You deserved it 260

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 727

You deserved it 471

Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 161

Today, I was trying out for a local basketball team, so I put extra effort into showing off my baller skills. Unfortunately, I managed to hit myself in the face with the ball, knocking out one of my own teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 557