The Top

Haha this got published. So I turn around and the 8 people I work with started to clap. They said I have a good voice as well. I think they were most interested because I am usually pretty reserved and quiet. They invited me out to karaoke this weekend lol! And I was singing Johnny Cash songs btw. My voice is fairly deep so I think I can do his amazing songs justice.

Nice try

By haus - 19/01/2010 19:38 - United States

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 300

You deserved it 31 588

TMI

By Disgusted - 05/07/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 039

You deserved it 3 806

Mr Sensitivity

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 20:01 - United States - Waterville

Today, I spent four hours at the ER because I had a miscarriage. The father of the baby was being sweet and supportive while I was there and checked in on me after I got home. Six hours after we found out we lost our baby, he asked for a threesome. He still doesn’t understand what’s wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 736

You deserved it 258

By jack - 08/10/2012 18:36 - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of three months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 2 546

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 464

You deserved it 63 261

Worldstar! Worldstar!

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 14:04 - United States

Today, I went to buy some flowers for the anniversary of my grandpa's death. I was feeling sad as I finished paying, but as soon as I got near the exit, two women started fighting at the door. We had to wait for the fight to finish because the staff decided to record it and not break it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 131

By insomniacap - 30/12/2014 23:47 - United States - Stratford

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 627

You deserved it 4 990

By Anonymous - 13/09/2013 17:06 - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 060

You deserved it 7 202

By beurk - 06/02/2015 05:18 - France - Paris

Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked me politely to grab something that he couldn't reach. I did so with a smile, touched by his "nice old guy" demeanour, only glancing at the item in question as I handed it to him. It was a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 891

You deserved it 4 094

Dash and dine

By Anonymous - 06/09/2020 23:01 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was on a dinner date. Went really well. She said she was excited to have date number two. It came to paying. I went up to pay. Turned around. She had gone. Number blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 674

You deserved it 145

Coming through!

By Anonymous - 12/09/2013 05:18 - United States

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 967

You deserved it 7 064

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 20:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 657

You deserved it 4 067

Unfair dismissal

By Feijoo - 16/12/2021 11:01

Today, while working at the store, a lady grabbed a bunch of T-shirts and started talking on the phone. She then walked out the store with them. I ran after her, and she sprays me with mace telling me to not interrupt her while on the phone. My eyes burned for hours. Oh, and I was fired because of the huge loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 22:38 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 516

You deserved it 39 059

By Anonymous - 04/10/2012 18:10 - United States - Omaha

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 361

You deserved it 2 381

Sneaky

By Isoldael - 07/11/2011 09:38 - Netherlands

Today, I caught three kids setting fire to a bush. After chasing them off, I parked my bike by a house and went to get water. After I'd put the fire out, I walked back to my bike just in time to see the kids running off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 121

You deserved it 5 114

Let down

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 23:01 - United States

Today, I visited a friend out of state. We've been flirting for months and decided to fool around at night. He was very loving and attentive, but... he'd bragged about his dick being 6 inches and it ended up being not only thin, but very short. So thin and short that I couldn't really feel it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 393

Stop being selfish

By Steph - 27/11/2021 16:59

Today, I live in a country where a new variant of COVID has been found and we have to go through all this garbage again, all because some people believe that vaccines are in violation of their rights and that it's their right to risk all of our lives and livelihoods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 629

Disrespectful to the max

By SorryUncleTommy - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 711

You deserved it 7 163

By Grounded - 03/11/2011 09:18 - United States

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 001

You deserved it 3 363

TMI

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 08:05 - Australia

Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said, "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 701

You deserved it 13 499

The cable guy

By fmerunning - 29/06/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, the cable repairman came to fix my cable, which has never worked well. The entire time he was talking about how much extra money he got the "fat bitch who moved here 6 months ago" to pay for her cable. I moved in 6 months ago. I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 274

You deserved it 3 484

Childish but effective

By unhappy wifey - 28/09/2012 06:09 - United States - Portland

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 462

You deserved it 4 031

Awks

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 21:23 - United States - Plaquemine

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 008

You deserved it 3 513

Malfunctioning equipment

By Alyxandrea Loffer - 24/09/2020 08:02 - United States - Ellsworth

Today, at work, my front-close bra popped open like an anime character, right in front of the two male coworkers I was talking to. My boobs flung around and I had to pretend nothing happened while subtly crossing my arms and waiting for them to leave so I could fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 312

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Relatable Doctor Work Transportation Cars Miscellaneous Friends Parents Awkward Liar My ex NSFW Intimacy Art Crush Love Weird Grandparents Kids Gross Poopoo peepee Divorce Cancer Scams Tinder Cooking Annoying Money Embarrassing

The Top

Random

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 784

You deserved it 1 414

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 043

You deserved it 11 449

Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 998

You deserved it 6 440

Today, I told my son to get a job and start paying rent. Five minutes later he transferred me rent for the next 5 years. When I demanded to know where he got that kind of money, he showed me his bank statements. He’s made more money mining Bitcoin than I’ve made in 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 310

You deserved it 1 385

Today, I told my mom that I'm bulimic and have been for a few years, and that I needed help. She responded by saying, "Well that's clearly not working for you. Why don't you try anorexia?" She then patted me on the head, smiled, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 157

Today, my best friend of over 16 years is getting married. I was supposed to be her Maid of Honor. Instead I was uninvited a few weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 101