By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML
I agree, your life sucks 14 432
You deserved it 63 089

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2ndSucks 15

She's stalking you, but you still screwed her? Smart.


cristina_laila 16

It might not be yours! Don't throw in the towel yet!! :)

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YDI. But that's a good Dr. Acula song. (:

You know, it's hard to think with your ding-dong in someone's hoo-ha. I bet she's lying; stalkers tend to do that.

i_amthe_walrus 0

38- I have to ask this question, did you intentionally take a picture with a shoe that looks like a penis in your face at first glance? Every time I see your picture it always looks like that to me so I had to ask.

Lol! Yeah she likes being titty-f.u.cked.

LiyIa_fml 8

When I just glanced at 38's picture, I thought it was a *****.

allenye818 2

Never put your d*ck in crazy. I'm a girl & I know that.

sky22_fml 7

even if you wrap it up, she'll poke a whole in it if she is that crazy

tjv3 10

YDI you should not have done the do. plus you should have wrapped it before you tapped it

susannah365 8

u know what they say, hungry person thinks about bread ...

You see this is why you're supposed to be on top, because then you'll never **** up!

hawaiianfire 0

And the best comment of the day goes to 57

Brittaneyyy 0

Too right. You're complaining about her being a stalker now, but you obviously didn't have a problem with it during your 'five minute wonder'. YDI.

2 You are right even though he mau have been on top.

1JDub 6
tsim_fml 0
2ndSucks 15

She's stalking you, but you still screwed her? Smart.

chester75 5

I know right! Maybe she got pregnant on purpose to be with you permanently.

I guess Charlie Harper frim Two in a Half men finally decided to write an FML about Rose huh? I really like this alternative ending though.

Seriously. OP, the YDI literally slaps you in the face. Good luck dealing with that crazy bitch while she's ****** up with preggo hormones. NEVER SLEEP WITH YOUR STALKER.

Darwin03 1

I did it. Sometimes you can't help it when u have a sexy stalker. I still talk to mine. The kids 7 now. And not mine:-) get the DNA test. Worth every penny.

This could also be a case of "crazy chick that invents the pregnancy as soon as she realized that OP wasn't going to be involved with her". I've definitely had it happen. Date a girl for a week or so, realize that she's completely nuts, GTFO, get the text a month or two later claiming pregnancy. Don't worry OP, she'll "have a miscarriage" in another month or, two looking for more sympathy, when the "pregnancy" didn't get her the attention she wanted.

whisperingeye13 0

Don't be a dummy cum on her tummy!

xk75 4

And bring your own ... Can't risk a hole poker ...

imcutefml 0

Dont disgrace finish on her face :D

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mom2pen 4

He's going to be a father. WTF are you saying?

KiddNYC1O 20
koolkat27 13

43- you look like a stoned Justin beiber.

I was born before him therefore a stoned Justin Bieber looks like me.

lostintime94 5

Lol you kinda do look like a stoned Justin beiber... I mean Justin beiber looks like a stoned you?

smiley99114 0

The colts suck for one and can you not read?!


And you didn't see this coming why?

firefail1031 0

If she's a stage five she could be lying to get you back with her... Happens all the time. However if she is pregnant, it probably is yours considering she's clinging to you and noone else. Good luck with that... Don't be a fool wrap your tool

Rule número uno: You should not engage in sexual intercourse with your stalker. Now you know. Ask for a maternity test, or man up and raise the kid.

MizzErikaHart 8

Ahh I see my mistake. I meant paternity.. I guess now everyone can take a turn throwing rocks at me.

doctor: "on the upside sir you are most definitly NOT the mother of this child"

omegaxen 0

We all make mistakes like that sometimes.... Like when I said prostitution instead of restitution in a speech to about 80 middle schoolers lol

emmalovely1221 4
youngbuck10 9

Wrap it before you tap it, smarty.