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By OfficeFatty - 30/10/2014 02:41 - United States

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 777

You deserved it 5 012

Well received

By egghead - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 610

You deserved it 3 314

Unacceptable

By MySisterIsA - 10/03/2022 00:01

Today, my ex-husband and the woman he left me for, also known as my sister, are getting married. On my birthday. My mom is gleefully helping plan the wedding. She seriously sees nothing wrong, and tells me to “stop being a Bitter Betty and be happy for your sister.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 129

By foreveralone - 23/07/2013 09:51 - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 981

You deserved it 3 555

By youngboob - 21/10/2014 15:42 - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 233

You deserved it 3 693

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 840

You deserved it 46 026

Thanks

By yeahhhhhommmie - 18/09/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man came up to me and said, "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 063

You deserved it 3 521

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 06:44

Today, I signed up to a Christian website in order to try and 'find God again'. I got banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 496

You deserved it 27 298

Go broke, go woke

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a date with my new boyfriend. When the check came, he asked, "Do you accept food stamps?" When the waiter said no, he checked in his wallet and said, "Well all I have is five dollars." I ended up picking up the $20 tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 8 552

Passing

By reader - 04/12/2020 14:03

Today, I went to go to an aerobics class. Shen the instructor walked in, she went up to me and told me it was a women only class. I am a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 162

Pennywise gonna get you

By dumbo - 29/05/2009 20:14 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 215

You deserved it 9 056

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I went to a BBQ. The night was going well until I had to wrestle car keys away from my intoxicated mother in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 595

You deserved it 1 996

When nature calls

By Andrew Williams - 11/12/2020 14:01

Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 375

By gracewinchester - 10/10/2014 06:57 - United States - Eugene

Today, I tried a soup sample at a supermarket. An employee then came over and started asking me questions about how I got the cup for the sample, telling me it wasn't store policy to just give out sample cups. I was so stressed that I broke down crying in the middle of the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 566

You deserved it 5 069

gracewinchester tells us more.

gracewinchester 12

Saturday 11 October 2014 0:33

Just to clarify: I wasn't just crying because of the soup. My college apps are due Monday, I was going to have to be at school from 7:30AM - 8:00 the next morning, I have a huge part in a play and expectations are very high, SATs are Saturday, LOTS more. The store's official policy is to have an employee come with the customer and get a soup sample. The soup sample cups look exactly like the salad dressing cups so she probably thought I was trying soup without asking or an employee made a mistake, which is actually what happened. I normally don't ever cry in front of people but for some reason that just set me off. Hope that clears anything up :)

New phone, who dis?

By Raleigh - 13/10/2024 16:00 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I was in a store parking lot when I got a text from an unknown number saying, "I see you, I know what you did last summer, you wicked little shit." I freaked out and looked around in a panic. It turns out that it was my "hilarious" dad testing his new phone from across the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 135

By theseguysarewhipped... - 06/10/2014 15:05 - Canada - London

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 699

You deserved it 5 256

By Juicy12Jham - 09/09/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with Microsoft Customer Service for about a total of two hours. That's the longest I've ever talked to anybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 127

You deserved it 4 464

By anonymouss - 24/05/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 576

You deserved it 26 383

By WorkerBee - 17/03/2019 02:00

Today, I found out I didn't get accepted into a program I was nominated to attend at work that all other applicants with less experience than myself did. I found out when they asked if I had gotten the acceptance email. They didn't even bother telling me I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 178

What a coincidence

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 02:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 401

By Sorry - 02/10/2014 23:51 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, it's my birthday. I've spent most of it apologizing to my parents for the "hassle" of "having" to arrange a simple birthday dinner. Sorry I was born, guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 286

You deserved it 3 270

By partygirlxxx - 24/05/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 740

You deserved it 9 755

I can't take it anymore

By genn - 23/05/2023 18:00

Today, I called into work because I was too tired to keep my eyes open. My boss berated me over the phone, saying I should be more like that other employee who came in with a broken toe. That was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 119

By vansboy - 15/11/2010 04:26

Spicy

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 970

You deserved it 3 653

By Mel - 23/05/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 918

You deserved it 8 102

Gappy

By Anonymous - 07/04/2022 04:00

Today, after having to get the front filling on my tooth fixed five times, the dentist finally decided to give me a crown. While waiting for the permanent to be made, I had a temporary one put in. This one fell out five times. The final time, I actually sneezed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 117

Flex

By bigblue51 - 22/05/2009 12:09 - United States

Today, while interviewing for a job, I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on, she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 471

You deserved it 48 202

Diaspora

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I found out the guy i've been crushing on might be my cousin. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 215

By Titi12 - 01/03/2011 01:49 - France

Spicy

Today, my roommate showed me what my girlfriend’s favorite position was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 63

You tried

By Anonymous - 23/09/2014 21:12 - United States - Denver

Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 944

You deserved it 6 092

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Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 110

You deserved it 1 066

Today, I got into a car crash, in my own garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 540

You deserved it 44 234

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum." I'm only 26 years-old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 903

You deserved it 2 821

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 004

You deserved it 3 195

Today, I saw one of the gay kids from my class getting picked on, so I tried to stand up for him. Not only did I get my ass kicked, but now my girlfriend thinks I might secretly be gay. Why? Because, in her own words, "Straight guys never defend gay guys!" She fails to see anything wrong with this mindset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 216

Today, I announced my fourth pregnancy, this time with twins. I heard my mother mutter, “Finally two kids from the same dad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 1 177