Intimacy: Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues."... - FML

By vansboy

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

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Proactive

Taking stock

Race against the clock

By photomark - United States

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

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By webcammistake - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Granville

Today, I took a look at my 9-year-old daughter's diary, thinking it would be full of cute stuff. Instead, it was full of hateful rants against me and my husband, as well the boys at her school, who she called gay because none of them ever hit on her. It seems I've failed as a parent. FML

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By Opplyst11 - United States

Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class was that I not move at all while being observed. After a few seconds I noticed a really hot girl drawing me. I got a hard on. FML

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By Vgameboi - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

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By cnd1213 - United States

Today, I had to do my assistant manager's job because she doesn't know what the hell she is doing. I'd interviewed for this position but didn't get it because I'm "still too new for this position." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi-driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML

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By shitty day - United States

Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Gorebridge

Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML

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By Rhyno - United States

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

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By birdbath - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, it's my birthday, I received two cards, one from my mum and one from my son, that my mum gave to him to give to me. My entire family said they couldn't be bothered going out for dinner for my birthday. My two 'friends' didn't even send a card, never mind a gift or want to meet up. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 11:01 - Germany

Sing me to sleep

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML

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By kay-z - United States

Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

ACAB

Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML

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By Vero - Austria - Timelkam

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, my boyfriend threw little stones against my window. Unfortunately, the window wasn't closed, and I was standing in front of it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denison

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

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By Revalation - United States

Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the closest I got to a vacation was the smell of my new towels, because they remind me of a hotel. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

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By aninnocentonlooker - United States

Today, I was driving my drunk best friend and his "new friend" back to his house. Halfway, this new friend started to give him head. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

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By riddick0846 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

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By cassieono - United States - Springfield

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I found a baby squirrel on the pavement and thought I'd try and rescue it. While I googled what to do, it started running around. I tried to grab it, but it ran straight into the path of a car. FML

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By Char - United Kingdom - Gravesend

Today, whilst at work, I had a woman come in with a problem with the seat in her car not moving backwards or forwards. There was a dildo stuck in the chair rail. FML

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By Queerbait - Australia

Today, my girlfriend's mother insisted she's not homophobic, but however people only 'turn gay' because they were sexually abused, or are 'making it up to get attention'. She informed me I'm the former and my girlfriend is the latter. Uh huh. FML

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By cactii - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

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By SeeBrendenBurn - United States

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

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By Porche - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML

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By 86145 - United States

Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML

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By upset mom

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

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By xXPikachuXx

Today, after 3 months of job hunting, I finally got a job. But now my birth certificate and social security card are somehow lost, and I can't start until I let them see a copy. FML

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By Brad - Canada

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML

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By PlsForget - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML

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By slashteddy - United States

Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML

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By sherryberry2013 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. As we got to the ticket booth, a couple of girls queued behind us. My boyfriend graciously introduced me as his little sister, and invited the girls to join us. We've been together for two years. FML

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By SadBride - United States

Today, my in-laws decided they were going to stay an extra week during our vacation to Dominican Republic next year. This would be fine, if we weren't travelling for our destination wedding, and the extra week wasn't our honeymoon. They are literally joining us on our honeymoon. FML

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By jina - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

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By GuessImWalking

Today, I found out I will be without a car for two weeks because my mother volunteered to let my grandparents use mine while theirs is being repaired. They've been in 4 accidents over the last year. FML

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Top comments

By 12596 | 0

#1704115 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:24

this looks like Justin biebers future FML

By stealthkitten | 3

#1704094 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:20

haha family fail

COMMENTS

By ekdfml | 20

#1704092 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:20

haha that sucks! 1st

By stealthkitten | 3

#1704094 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:20

haha family fail

Reply

TexanDanny | 2

#1704236 - Monday 15 November 2010 10:24

LOL

Reply

novair | 5

#1704902 - Monday 15 November 2010 14:26

well when you jerk it in the family room it does become an issue. trust me I know. oh wait......

Reply

belouie | 2

#1705522 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:34

must have been pretty secret then haha

By EvilDoll | 7

#1704095 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:20

good to see you're becoming a woman!

Reply

thesunsetglow_fml | 8

#1704134 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:30

Or man, I suppose?
I know a guy who I can picture this happening to... he's my age, 17 yet he's the same size and build as my 8 year old brother... and his voice is about the same too.

So to the OP I say... TAKE SOME GODDAMN TESTOSTERONE (sp?) PILLS YA BITCH! Just kidding. But really.

Reply

Ryanfmlfiend | 0

#1704279 - Monday 15 November 2010 11:07

hahaha lack of puberty issues

Reply

hahaalolz | 0

#1704766 - Monday 15 November 2010 13:39

9 Ur related to Justin bieber?

Reply

thesunsetglow_fml | 8

#1705157 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:45

52 - Aiish I said my brother was 8 -__- But I KNOW a guy as I described. Reading won't kill ya you know.

By 12596 | 0

#1704115 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:24

this looks like Justin biebers future FML

Reply

knoll4007 | 3

#1704472 - Monday 15 November 2010 12:14

hahaha total win^^

Reply

zombieglamour_fml | 0

#1706033 - Monday 15 November 2010 19:42

agreed. god I hate Justin beiber lol

Reply

crazykid300 | 6

#4479294 - Friday 25 May 2012 6:32

No justin biebers will b wen he 30

By meganannee | 0

#1704119 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:25

haha that sucks for you! Move out!

By Rhianikki | 0

#1704124 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:27

Your family needs a hobby...

By HSOMGF | 5

#1704130 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:29

You need a new family.

By FYLDeep | 25

#1704137 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:31

Yeah, you're 21. Don't ya think it's time to start wearing deodorant?

Reply

77taylah33 | 0

#1704211 - Monday 15 November 2010 10:06

It couldn't just be smell it could be being bitchy anything

By KiaMaster | 0

#1704145 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:34

are u not a woman yet?

By smokeymcpottt | 3

#1704149 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:36

You must be Asian.

Reply

Chinnithy | 0

#1704180 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:50

I'm 31.

Reply

sonusingh | 0

#1704346 - Monday 15 November 2010 11:32

lol

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#1706025 - Monday 15 November 2010 19:37

I reached for it, but her parents kicked my ass.