Intimacy: Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues."... - FML

By vansboy

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Close Zoom, quick sharp

Two rooms, two atmospheres

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML

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By Courtney - United States

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 05:01

Ideal first date

Today, I went on a date where the guy got drunk off 11 White Claws, I got 18 ant bites (yes, I counted), stung by a yellow jacket, and lost both pairs of our shoes. He told me he was going to a strip club after, messed up my name 3 times and didn’t pay for anything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML

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By FishStampede - Korea Republic of

Today, I was visiting a national park and went for a swim. Afterwards, I needed to change clothes but the bathrooms were closed. I went off into the woods to change. As soon as I was naked, I heard hooves and sixteen people on horseback rode by. I'd stripped by a horse trail. FML

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Touched for the very first time

Today, I went to a new doctor. She asked me how long I had been sexually active. I said I'm not. I'm 24. FML

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By lpspann87 - United States

Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Double standard

Today, I spent five hours sobbing in my room due to antidepressant withdrawal. My mother refused to come and talk to me, because I'm "a terrible, hateful child who only cares about herself." Last week, I spent two hours comforting her because my brother hadn't called in a week. FML

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By thosedamnkids - United States

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

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By padre74 - United States - Jackson

Today, after creating a swear jar for my son, I came back to find a $20 bill in it and him saying, "How much does that buy?" FML

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By WildShortstop13 - United States - Rapid City

Today, I fell asleep curling my bangs. I now look like Mrs. Potato head. FML

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By iross - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

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By Unreasonable - United Kingdom - Bath

Bridezilla vs. the Coronavirus

Today, I received a threatening DM from my so-called best friend, telling me that she wouldn't be calling off her wedding next week, despite everyone telling her to postpone due for health and safety reasons, and would claw my eyes out if I stayed in quarantine with my sick mum instead of coming. FML

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By AE86Turbo - United States

Today, I saw a car swerving in front of me on the freeway, so I whipped out my cell to report the DUI. As soon as it started ringing, I see police lights in my rear view and got slapped with a ticket for using a cell phone while driving. After explaining why, the officer said, "Nice try." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

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By babyboomerang - United States

Today, I spent hours baking a multi-layered, detailed cake from scratch for my mom's birthday. It took two seconds for my dog to devour the cake while I picked up a spoon I dropped on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2021 14:02

Alarmed

Today, my sister promised to wake me up at 8 for my 9:30 class. She woke me at noon, and only because I was snoring. FML

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By neverbeenkissed - United States

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

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By ...

Today, I finally had an interview for my dream job. It was all going great until I started chuckling uncontrollably, snorted like a pig and hit the guy with the world's largest snot rocket. All I could do was slip out the door as he sat paralysed with shock. FML

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By Queso Dog - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I am taking a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML

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By synyster505 - United States

Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

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By the next james herriot - United States - Laurel

Today, I found out my extremely anti-war relatives hate me because they think I served in the Army, after hearing I was "a vet". I'm a veterinarian. FML

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By fmlpanda - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

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By Author - United States - Naples

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

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By Gina - Thailand

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

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By notcool - United States

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

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By Bassackward

Today, I decided to pop the question to my beloved. Perfect lighting, fresh cut roses, a fancy dinner. The restaurant was in on it too. Shame they brought out the wedding-themed congratulations dessert before I actually went down on my knee. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Hove

Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

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By David - United States - London

Today, my boss found out I had applied for a much better paying job. He told me I'd do a better job and make more money there. Then he fired me. FML

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By RachelVanLannen9 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

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By tinytitty - United States

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Missouri City

Today, while at a store, my stuttering problem became so bad the poor store clerk had to supply my own words for me. FML

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By sadgoblin

Today, the cashier at Walmart kept getting distracted and laughing hysterically while ringing up my items because she couldn’t get past how much I "look like a goblin". She then called her manager over, who agreed. FML

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By upliftmofo - Belgium

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I got married. During the reception my husband got drunk and told 200+ people that we met at a dingy bar and that we "totally banged" all night. I don't know what's worse, the fact he embarrassed me in front of everyone I know, or if it was that that was not how we met. Not even close. FML

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By driverboy - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

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By WTA - United States

Today, I tried to impress my wife by doing a bunch of push-ups, despite having a bad shoulder. She told me my form sucks and that I'm an idiot. Now I can barely move my arm and I'm going to have to get it fixed. FML

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Top comments

By 12596 | 0

#1704115 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:24

this looks like Justin biebers future FML

By stealthkitten | 3

#1704094 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:20

haha family fail

COMMENTS

By ekdfml | 20

#1704092 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:20

haha that sucks! 1st

By stealthkitten | 3

#1704094 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:20

haha family fail

Reply

TexanDanny | 2

#1704236 - Monday 15 November 2010 10:24

LOL

Reply

novair | 5

#1704902 - Monday 15 November 2010 14:26

well when you jerk it in the family room it does become an issue. trust me I know. oh wait......

Reply

belouie | 2

#1705522 - Monday 15 November 2010 16:34

must have been pretty secret then haha

By EvilDoll | 7

#1704095 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:20

good to see you're becoming a woman!

Reply

thesunsetglow_fml | 8

#1704134 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:30

Or man, I suppose?
I know a guy who I can picture this happening to... he's my age, 17 yet he's the same size and build as my 8 year old brother... and his voice is about the same too.

So to the OP I say... TAKE SOME GODDAMN TESTOSTERONE (sp?) PILLS YA BITCH! Just kidding. But really.

Reply

Ryanfmlfiend | 0

#1704279 - Monday 15 November 2010 11:07

hahaha lack of puberty issues

Reply

hahaalolz | 0

#1704766 - Monday 15 November 2010 13:39

9 Ur related to Justin bieber?

Reply

thesunsetglow_fml | 8

#1705157 - Monday 15 November 2010 15:45

52 - Aiish I said my brother was 8 -__- But I KNOW a guy as I described. Reading won't kill ya you know.

By 12596 | 0

#1704115 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:24

this looks like Justin biebers future FML

Reply

knoll4007 | 3

#1704472 - Monday 15 November 2010 12:14

hahaha total win^^

Reply

zombieglamour_fml | 0

#1706033 - Monday 15 November 2010 19:42

agreed. god I hate Justin beiber lol

Reply

crazykid300 | 6

#4479294 - Friday 25 May 2012 6:32

No justin biebers will b wen he 30

By meganannee | 0

#1704119 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:25

haha that sucks for you! Move out!

By Rhianikki | 0

#1704124 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:27

Your family needs a hobby...

By HSOMGF | 5

#1704130 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:29

You need a new family.

By FYLDeep | 25

#1704137 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:31

Yeah, you're 21. Don't ya think it's time to start wearing deodorant?

Reply

77taylah33 | 0

#1704211 - Monday 15 November 2010 10:06

It couldn't just be smell it could be being bitchy anything

By KiaMaster | 0

#1704145 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:34

are u not a woman yet?

By smokeymcpottt | 3

#1704149 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:36

You must be Asian.

Reply

Chinnithy | 0

#1704180 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:50

I'm 31.

Reply

sonusingh | 0

#1704346 - Monday 15 November 2010 11:32

lol

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#1706025 - Monday 15 November 2010 19:37

I reached for it, but her parents kicked my ass.