By Sorry babe - 29/11/2020 08:02 - United States - Hesperia

Lightweight

Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

804

You deserved it

189

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

Higher standards

Moving on

By EmployeeOfTheMonth - United States

Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44724

You deserved it

19139

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Placentia

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33157

You deserved it

2847

Tweet

Share

By LukeSkywalker - United States

Today, after pouring my heart out to my girlfriend of 4 years through a speech that took me 3 weeks to write, and then proposing, she responded, "Eh, why not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38196

You deserved it

4623

Tweet

Share

By EffUrEll - Canada - Toronto

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18851

You deserved it

36250

Tweet

Share

By stinky - United States

Today, my co-worker handed me a note. The note said, "If you can, please take a shower once in a while." The smell was coming from the broken bathroom next to my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29714

You deserved it

2646

Tweet

Share

By rmL

Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house. He opened my bedroom while I was wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56884

You deserved it

41422

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I got a promotion because my boss “accidentally” had sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5699

You deserved it

376

Tweet

Share

By Silbax1 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I overheard my co-workers talking about how they don't need flu shots because everyone else gets them. These people are in the medical industry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35416

You deserved it

3464

Tweet

Share

By vcarder - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38580

You deserved it

6346

Tweet

Share

By Handyhusband - United States

If the women don’t find you handsome, they’ll at least find you handy...

Today, I installed a doggie door at my wife’s grandmother’s house. I was putting the door back on the hinges when I realized I had put it at the very top of the door instead of the bottom. I’m now trying to turn this hole into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1317

You deserved it

2624

Tweet

Share

By aloneagainnaturally - Denmark - S?borg

Today, we were all put in groups to make a presentation together. And by "together" I mean I pulled an all nighter to finish it by myself. My group criticized my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24368

You deserved it

2109

Tweet

Share

By geek - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I had to explain to my boss that DVI ports are not the same as HDMI ports. When I showed him the HDMI cable, he said, "Oh! You mean USB!" He's an engineering manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26637

You deserved it

1759

Tweet

Share

By thisreallyhappened - United States

Today, a little girl at my work had an accident. She asked me to help her change, and as she was changing she stuck her hand in her vagina to make sure all the "peepee was gone". She then put that same hand on my face to balance herself as she finished changing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63637

You deserved it

3948

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20874

You deserved it

4453

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to cut class with one of my friends and we ended up going to Burger King. As we sat down at the table, I heard my name being called. My mum was getting lunch through the drive thru with my little brother and saw my car parked out front. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8487

You deserved it

42144

Tweet

Share

By y0uw1shy0ukn3wm3 - United States

Today, I was refereeing a kid's soccer game, and noticed that on the field next to me was a referee I hated working with. I told the other referee I was working with that he was the laziest and most dumbass referee I had ever worked with. She then slapped me, and told me that it was her grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9589

You deserved it

41886

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was planning on enjoying my one day off work from the hospital, at home. I got a call saying I had to come in because my department was short-handed. I went in to find almost everyone there. Turns out it was a prank by my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27264

You deserved it

1809

Tweet

Share

By Flabbergasted - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has been having an affair with another woman. He works with me and the woman also works in the same company. She is also married and is now 6 months pregnant. They are throwing a baby shower for her on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38630

You deserved it

2232

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34849

You deserved it

3612

Tweet

Share

By whyme - United States - Tampa

Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63597

You deserved it

4555

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76844

You deserved it

4443

Tweet

Share

By mustabeendrugs - United States - Tucson

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58154

You deserved it

3702

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Darien

Today, I was walking down the street, when an aging lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she had pickpocketed me of my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31526

You deserved it

2562

Tweet

Share

By stillsick - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39224

You deserved it

3197

Tweet

Share

By ponyboy - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41214

You deserved it

4165

Tweet

Share

By kalvin - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26544

You deserved it

6900

Tweet

Share

By ostfae - United States

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42363

You deserved it

2248

Tweet

Share

By ofcourse - United States

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

I agree, your life sucks

44782

You deserved it

2603

Tweet

Share

By weep weep weep - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26837

You deserved it

3810

Tweet

Share

By Amara1717 - United States

Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

71965

You deserved it

3494

Tweet

Share

By lance - Canada

Today, I parked my car to go inside to grab my wallet than I'd forgotten. In the short time it took me to do that, someone broke two of my car's windows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24212

You deserved it

2466

Tweet

Share

By ihatepizza - United States - Aurora

Today, as a delivery driver, I have been stiffed in tips by three separate people because "a delivery fee is a tip, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

8065

You deserved it

1017

Tweet

Share

By Gentleman - United States

Today, I was very sick with a stomach virus, so I went to the only doctor's office open on Sundays. Even though I was feeling like a pile of shit, I waited for a woman who was walking in behind me to hold the door open for her. She was the last patient they could take for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36118

You deserved it

3205

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

He's probably right

Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1820

You deserved it

197

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was visiting family in Oregon. I did not know it was illegal to pump your own gas; the cops were involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31436

You deserved it

2535

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after 26 years of confusion with my parents pronouncing it different ways, and in my mom's case, multiple ways, having to clear up how it's spelled every time I meet someone, I asked my mom how to pronounce my name. She got mad and then pronounced it three different ways while explaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5399

You deserved it

417

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I got so nervous that I actually peed my pants during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31516

You deserved it

13332

Tweet

Share

By Brie - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41860

You deserved it

11642

Tweet

Share

By Fatty - United States

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32089

You deserved it

6176

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I woke up with a hangover. I had a party last night. Besides a stolen TV, someone seemingly decided to take a dump in my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16447

You deserved it

30096

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By wysegirl | 19

#7955056 - Sunday 29 November 2020 17:39

Good news.. it means the bouncers were verifying.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7955063 - Sunday 29 November 2020 18:07

He did. Alcohol is a drug.

Too bad the bouncers weren't there years ago before Stockholm Syndrome set in.

COMMENTS

By wysegirl | 19

#7955056 - Sunday 29 November 2020 17:39

Good news.. it means the bouncers were verifying.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7955063 - Sunday 29 November 2020 18:07

He did. Alcohol is a drug.

Too bad the bouncers weren't there years ago before Stockholm Syndrome set in.

Reply

rgkkk | 15

#7955092 - Sunday 29 November 2020 20:28

No, she did it to herself.

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7955153 - Monday 30 November 2020 4:33

Why are so many people saying FYL? It's totally OP's own fault. After not drinking alcohol for so long, of course your tolerance is going to be lower. I don't even drink and I know that.

Reply

Bubbilility | 27

#7955293 - Monday 30 November 2020 19:30

They said they underestimated, which means they assumed they'd have a lower tolerance, just not this much. It's an easy mistake to make since sometimes it takes a little bit for alcohol to set in.

Reply

lev | 11

#7955375 - Tuesday 1 December 2020 7:07

from what I read it's a myth. people don't build up tolerance to alcohol, only habits to not get too drunk.