Miscellaneous: Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my...

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 00:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 230

You deserved it 2 927

Miscellaneous

Age difference

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

Let it all out

By Anonymous - 06/05/2015 05:24 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 535

You deserved it 3 287

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 200

You deserved it 3 325

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 19:08 - United States

Today, I woke up early to go to church with my parents. When I got in the car, I was struck with the worst diarrhea I've ever had in my life. My parents told me I'd be cleaning the car out when we got there, because if we turned around, we'd be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 469

You deserved it 3 193

By Anonymous - 25/02/2015 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 542

You deserved it 2 844

By Kurt's Dad - 15/05/2019 16:04

Today, during my grandmother's funeral, my talented ten-year-old son found the church organ and began playing Smells Like Teen Spirit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 294

By Anonymous - 27/09/2013 19:08 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I came home to find my parents wearing Santa hats and blasting Christmas music at full volume. So begins three months of hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 861

You deserved it 4 410

By not even interested - 15/10/2017 16:00

Today, at a wedding reception, I accidentally caught the bouquet. I got cussed out by the women who were fighting over it for being uninvited and party crashing. I'm a busgirl and the bouquet only landed on the tray I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 143

You deserved it 197

By Picky - 06/07/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 016

You deserved it 358

By rhiannakirwan - 17/04/2016 18:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 571

You deserved it 7 279

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 17:53 - Canada

Today, I am pregnant, and my boyfriend dumped me, saying that he didn't want to be stuck in anything too serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 252

You deserved it 10 008

By birdisnottheword - 11/03/2015 13:55 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 8 837

By Unlucky - 15/11/2014 02:18 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 882

You deserved it 3 008

Nice

By meg - 07/02/2021 00:30

Today I got my senior pictures back from the photographer. When my boyfriend saw them, he said I look creepy. Not pretty, not beautiful, not even decent. Creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 19:18 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 313

You deserved it 4 695

By Ew?Really? - 04/08/2014 05:42 - United States - Montrose

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 010

You deserved it 4 970

By GrandmaShakers - 02/06/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 507

You deserved it 5 172

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 07:22 - United Kingdom

Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 731

You deserved it 5 007

By RuasaLove - 30/07/2015 02:34 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 337

You deserved it 8 863

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 00:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while babysitting a young girl, I put on the movie Bambi, as she told me it was her favorite movie. I didn't know that her parents always skipped the scene where Bambi's mom dies. Despite my attempts to comfort her, she was still upset when her parents returned. Her mom blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 099

You deserved it 1 671

By shrek - 29/08/2016 10:26 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 369

You deserved it 2 049

By Anonymous - 20/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and someone had left their dirty tampon rolled up in toilet paper on the top of the paper dispenser. I felt obligated to dispose of it, so the next person didn't think I left it, because there was a line for the stalls. Fuck you, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 180

By Anonymous - 01/07/2017 06:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 147

You deserved it 292

By Username - 06/06/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, I just bought a car with all of my own money. Then, when I brought it home my dad informed me that my mom will be driving it to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 627

You deserved it 4 089

By Brian - 26/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 737

You deserved it 10 425

By divorce? i think so - 21/07/2012 02:12 - Canada - Markham

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 208

You deserved it 3 286

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 22:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 201

You deserved it 3 781

By Rachel - 10/06/2011 09:57 - United States

Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 915

You deserved it 13 463

Third degree

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 06:01

Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 93

The Cheek!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on my Facebook, the stripper my ex-husband cheated on me with showed up in the "People You May Know" box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 720

You deserved it 4 405

By dulllife - 08/12/2011 07:30 - United States

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 468

You deserved it 4 593

Unreasonable

By minnie - 14/02/2021 06:01 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend left me because he found out I cheated on my first boyfriend when I was 12. That was back before I knew what "cheating" was and I thought it was okay to love more than one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 222

By cazzb - 16/09/2014 04:17 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 765

You deserved it 3 028

By Anonymous - 23/04/2014 07:17 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my teen son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 220

You deserved it 6 611

By WTF?!?! - 09/09/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 788

You deserved it 40 226

By ginya - 07/06/2016 01:58 - United States - Bedford

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 409

You deserved it 1 067

By PaePae - 14/06/2019 21:31 - United States - Columbia

Today, I found out that I'm sensitive to the NuvaRing. It felt like I was a buffet for fire ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 144

By raybandy - 24/01/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 188

You deserved it 2 347

By OhDear - 24/02/2011 20:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 736

You deserved it 5 071

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 748

You deserved it 7 892

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 11:35 - United States - Imperial

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 289

You deserved it 27 908

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Top comments

epicwaffles 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:14

I would give him a new face arrangement.

4funzies 13

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:14

Bring someone home and improve the Kama sutra.... that might surprise them.

vic55jets 13

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:13

Time to find an alternative place to live, or maybe change your roommate.

ApollosMyth 22

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 10:40

Or maybe just move his bed back. It doesn't sound like this is a reoccuring problem, so I assume he could just tell his roomate to leave his shit alone and it would take care of the problem. If not, then he should maybe consider switching roomates, but only as a last resort in my opinion.

epicwaffles 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:14

I would give him a new face arrangement.

4funzies 13

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:14

Bring someone home and improve the Kama sutra.... that might surprise them.

KiddoKS 19

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 10:06

If you know how to improve the Kama sutra, you need to share with the rest of the class :)

chanellgymnast 17

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:15

It's a sign. He wants you out. Escape while you can!

Deeznutzhairy 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:19

Nobody can escape the Flung shui ways!

Deeznutzhairy 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:29

Feng* *sigh*

Deeznutzhairy 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:42

Oh wait.. Ignore that ^

Iamevil123 16

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 10:59

Epic fail...

SleepWalken 5

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 13:48

Your post's contradict your profile picture..

Warmonger_Smurf 29

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:15

You can flung shui his bed into the parking lot.

Deeznutzhairy 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:16

Well at least you still have a bed :p

Wizardo 33

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:16

Change the Feng Shui of your roommates face and then put everything back... simple fix really.

epicwaffles 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:17

I feel like you deserve the #2 spot and not me.

Deeznutzhairy 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:21

I feel the same way.

epicwaffles 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:35

Your profile picture sums up what you're trying to be.

Deeznutzhairy 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:57

Woah! Just take it easy man.

Wizardo 33

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 11:28

Guys take it easy, don't worry I feel exactly the same way as both of you, I clearly should be number 2 but we can't have everything and alas, I was too slow...

Wizardo 33

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 11:31

And btw Nutz, if you're getting this many thumbs down with that many comments, its time to put down the keyboard/phone and call it a day man, just saying...

PenguinBitch 43

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:21

Wait up, let me google feng shui. *googles feng shui*....wow, the room must look nicer OP.

Dracoboxer357 35

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:23

Not the end of the world. I say to hell with it, use the bed anyways, he'll get tired of you sleeping there before too long...as long as he is just screwing with you. ;)