By - 5/12/2020 12:28 - Canada - Holyrood

Sticky situation

Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

795

You deserved it

93

Tweet

Share

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Overbearing much?

By spockswifey - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me. In the most sincere and honest tone, he said "if I ever have or ever will, there's no way you would ever find out. I love you too much to lose you", and gave me a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40927

You deserved it

8368

Tweet

Share

By Hypocrisy - United States

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19601

You deserved it

56622

Tweet

Share

By be_nj - United States

Today, at work as a cashier, I had a male customer come up to me and ask me what hours I worked today, like he has done for several weeks now. Immediately after, my manager calls my lane to tell me to watch out for that guy. He has been stalking a co-worker of mine. Apparently, I'm next. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48443

You deserved it

4153

Tweet

Share

By R281780 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22307

You deserved it

4139

Tweet

Share

By flipflop - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44174

You deserved it

7405

Tweet

Share

By Lordy - Saudi Arabia

Today, I went to work to find a picture on my desk of me with my buttcrack showing put there by an anonymous person. FM

I agree, your life sucks

13562

You deserved it

2430

Tweet

Share

By bruh

Today, I found out my boyfriend made a move to hook up with my best friend. She was about to reciprocate, only for him to suddenly tell her that she’s a horrible friend, and then he told me about it. I’m not sure if I should be picking sides here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2460

You deserved it

182

Tweet

Share

By nicetoknow - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I was showing my crush/co-worker how to operate a particular piece of machinery. She exclaimed out loud, "Oh! This knob pulls out," then mumbled under her breath, "unlike my boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13760

You deserved it

1516

Tweet

Share

By layout - United States

Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63784

You deserved it

4046

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37925

You deserved it

8696

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21888

You deserved it

1674

Tweet

Share

By :O - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32573

You deserved it

2613

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - France - Saint-brieuc

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser, "A little off the sides," they hear, "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34982

You deserved it

3593

Tweet

Share

By Ad-s - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11401

You deserved it

22732

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work when a cute guy came up to me and said he liked my shirt. In a desperate attempt to say something back, I said, "Thanks, I like your shoelaces." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26863

You deserved it

6741

Tweet

Share

By ToTeachorNottoTeach - 2/9/2020 20:01 - United States - Los Angeles

The best of times, the worst of times

Today, I'm a teacher in the middle of a pandemic. Half my students haven't shown up to my class. The other half don't do any assignments. I keep my job based on how well my students do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1417

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By not chicken spaghetti - United States - Clarksville

Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Rotel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5729

You deserved it

657

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/2/2021 02:01

Panic

Today, I spent the night at a friend's house after drinking. My phone died and I didn’t charge it. My mom decided I was a missing person, and all of her friends on Facebook decided to post that I was missing. I’m a 27 year-old adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks

924

You deserved it

107

Tweet

Share

By fail - United States - Greeneville

Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34984

You deserved it

2908

Tweet

Share

By Blanche Dubois - United States - Birmingham

Today, after finally breaking my addiction to sleeping pills, right as I was drifting off to sleep at my first decent drug-free time in over 4 years... I got the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6459

You deserved it

520

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

WTF people?!

Today, as an essential worker, some lady tore me a new one because we were out of large sanitizer bottles. Our doors opened at 9 a.m. and she didn't show up until 2 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1573

You deserved it

102

Tweet

Share

By Crash - United States

Beep beep

Today, I saw a woman still texting on her phone as she started to drive away when the light turned green. I made sure to stare her down and give her a dirty look because she wasn't paying attention to driving. She laughed as I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10137

You deserved it

61215

Tweet

Share

By ILOVELEDZEPPELIN - United States - Wakefield

Today, I called my mother crying, telling her how my husband has apparently been cheating on me for months. To my surprise, she didn't interrupt me or cut me off the whole time. Only when she didn't respond, did I realize she'd hung up a half an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53986

You deserved it

5978

Tweet

Share

By laughxlove - United States

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10784

You deserved it

32827

Tweet

Share

By Nathaniel Bastien - 6/2/2021 23:01 - Canada

If only it was a leap year

Today, I inquired about getting a raise from a company that I've been with for 5 years. My manager said I'll get one starting February 29th. FML

I agree, your life sucks

793

You deserved it

58

Tweet

Share

By peaaaak - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks

49060

You deserved it

5026

Tweet

Share

By fml - United States - Perry

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51534

You deserved it

12236

Tweet

Share

By Broc'n dreams - New Zealand - Auckland

Face Your Fears

Today, I woke up screaming "FUCK OFF!" because I had a dream that someone threw broccoli through my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6434

You deserved it

762

Tweet

Share

By lez probs - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56428

You deserved it

21659

Tweet

Share

By arose - United States

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27065

You deserved it

3284

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 04:56 - United States - Marietta

Bye Herbie

Today, after hours of waiting and $300 spent, I find out my transmission is dying. My car is old, so the price of rebuilding it is more than it's worth. That's money well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

746

You deserved it

75

Tweet

Share

By Skimilk - Australia

Today, I went in to my local cafe for my morning coffee. I was chatting to the barista as she was making it, and I mentioned that I was starting a new diet. She goes, "Oh that's great! I've been sneaking skimmed milk in your coffee for years, I didn't want to say anything..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29023

You deserved it

5850

Tweet

Share

By Dana

Today, I told my son if he wanted the new internet password he had to clean his room. I then caught him disconnecting my laptop from the internet. Turns out he changed the password months ago and now if I want the new password he wants £50. I ended up paying. I'm actually proud of the sneaky sod. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1558

You deserved it

3324

Tweet

Share

By homersgirl - United States

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29182

You deserved it

5092

Tweet

Share

By silent one - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27200

You deserved it

2997

Tweet

Share

By morgan_rumm

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50647

You deserved it

4711

Tweet

Share

By YEEYEE517

The customer is always something

Today, working in retail, I noticed a customer looking for an item, so I walked up to them and asked, "Is there something I can help you find?" He replied, "Did I ask for your fucking help?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1732

You deserved it

162

Tweet

Share

By clueless - Canada

Today, I confronted my boyfriend, suspecting that he has been cheating on me during the past few months. He vehemently denied it. Then told me it would never happen again. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks

42945

You deserved it

3147

Tweet

Share

By hlev24 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17111

You deserved it

109746

Tweet

Share

By Bawsack - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8596

You deserved it

1311

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Charlie Given | 23

#7956188 - Saturday 5 December 2020 18:51

🙄😐 I feel your pain I sneezed a few days ago and sharted myself

By tounces7 | 27

#7956239 - Sunday 6 December 2020 6:13

You coughed for the last time? Are you writing this from the afterlife?

COMMENTS

By Charlie Given | 23

#7956188 - Saturday 5 December 2020 18:51

🙄😐 I feel your pain I sneezed a few days ago and sharted myself

By tounces7 | 27

#7956239 - Sunday 6 December 2020 6:13

You coughed for the last time? Are you writing this from the afterlife?

By Seeya55 | 31

#7956334 - Sunday 6 December 2020 15:53

Nice, got two birds stoned at once.

By Colleenfllorida | 9

#7956444 - Monday 7 December 2020 1:39

Get tested...you got the RONA!!!

By Talented73 | 54

#7957836 - Sunday 13 December 2020 23:51

I guess you had a shitty day.