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By kidneystoner - 14/10/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 679

You deserved it 2 414

By SiaJoy - 07/07/2015 06:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, a very intoxicated man came in to my workplace and bought 50 dollars worth of yogurt, talked about the fact that he shouldn't have to wear pants in public, then threw up all over the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 154

You deserved it 1 809

SiaJoy tells us more.

SiaJoy 19

Thursday 9 July 2015 4:27

OP here, I love all of the comments you have written :D I didn't think this would get published. But to answer some questions the puke did get all over my shirt, the man apologized to me before stumbling out of the store, and my boss let me leave early. I did not have to clean anything but myself. Maintenance took care of it and they shut down the register for a while to take of it. Thanks for the comments guys :D any questions feel free to message me.

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 03:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 191

You deserved it 6 536

By fuckedover - 26/02/2013 16:43 - United States

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 485

You deserved it 4 692

By Stevieebabyy - 11/09/2009 02:45 - United States

Today, I participated in the school play. My family came to see me in the production. All was going well when my dad came up to me and said, "Where the fuck were you? The show sucked." Thanks dad for not recognizing your own daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 651

You deserved it 2 880

Stevieebabyy tells us more.

Stevieebabyy 0

Friday 11 September 2009 22:17

Yeah this was in June. - SORRY! I tried to submit it earlier this year, but it wouldn't work. And my parent's cuss around me. A lot. lol. Oh and did I forget to mention? My mom's the one who dragged me to the auditions. And he came up to me AFTER.

Spirit world

By coldasfire - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 815

You deserved it 2 553

By blegh - 16/01/2009 04:57 - Switzerland

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 870

You deserved it 6 282

Why not?

By Anonymous - 02/01/2009 15:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she wants to dress me up in her clothes, with a wig and makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 284

You deserved it 5 569

Stuck

By nooo - 05/02/2015 00:00 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I got a wedgie after a workout class. As I was walking, I used my gym bag to discreetly unwedgie it, and then turned around to check that no one was there. The cute guy that I had a crush on last year was right behind me, and by the look on his face, it wasn't discreet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 312

You deserved it 6 197

By wowdadreally - 23/12/2014 20:46 - United States - College Station

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 731

You deserved it 6 483

By Not A Pervert - 04/11/2014 00:00 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 5 749

Sweaty

By not_very_smart - 24/07/2013 06:44 - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 703

You deserved it 4 850

By caliibbyy - 29/11/2010 05:03

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 7 255

I just want to go home

By Username - 23/11/2010 20:53

Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only four hours to go until I get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 849

You deserved it 2 487

By SayItToMyFace - 11/11/2015 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 060

You deserved it 1 549

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 676

You deserved it 4 799

By NCanalyst - 11/11/2009 20:28 - Norway

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 554

You deserved it 2 371

Stealthy

By jessye1182 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Yaphank

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 990

You deserved it 6 408

Cooked

By That Person - 14/09/2016 00:11 - Australia - Coolbellup

Today, I missed out on my first cooking lesson because I was an hour late. I cannot go to the rest of them because if you don't attend the first class then you are not allowed to attend the rest. I just spent $70 on a cooking course that I won't be able to attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 279

You deserved it 12 174

By Anonymous - 07/03/2014 13:29 - United States - Needles

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 273

You deserved it 8 956

By heymacie - 19/02/2015 05:45 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 985

You deserved it 38 317

By sick of this shit - 12/03/2016 13:33 - United States - West Grove

Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 986

You deserved it 1 756

Asshats are everywhere

By hardtotell - 22/01/2010 00:45 - United States

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 956

You deserved it 4 498

Awks

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 21:23 - United States - Plaquemine

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 005

You deserved it 3 513

Scared

By Anonymous - 18/11/2014 23:43 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my self-esteem hit rock bottom when I was intimidated by a 10-year-old. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 772

You deserved it 6 774

By notthenaughtymaid - 04/08/2014 21:54 - United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 602

You deserved it 4 363

By goodgrief - 05/03/2013 05:08 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 551

You deserved it 4 956

By concom - 27/05/2015 19:40 - Cyprus

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 700

You deserved it 2 115

By justinkoch - 09/06/2016 16:33 - Canada - Moose Jaw

Today, my parents came back home from a one-week trip, during which I didn't let any friends over, so I could keep the house clean. Now my parents say they'll never leave me home alone again because the house is "too clean" and I must have thrown a party while they were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 446

You deserved it 1 141

justinkoch tells us more.

justinkoch 26

Friday 10 June 2016 3:00

For those who are wondering I didn't throw a party not only because my parents did not want me too, but because my friends are destructive when they drink and have you ever seen a party with out alcohol I also kept the hose clean so that hopefully they would trust me and I could throw a party in the future

By Noname - 18/02/2009 15:43 - United States

Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 911

You deserved it 49 364