Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML
Today, I bought a 3 lb bag of pears. The first two bites were delicious! The third bite revealed a worm and its thousands of eggs. FML
Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML
Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML
Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML
Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML
Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML
Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML
Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML
Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML
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Top comments
detectivedipsiht 12
so if it tasted perfect it couldn't have been all bad right
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Good thing you thoroughly identified it before eating it.
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Comments (57)
detectivedipsiht 12
so if it tasted perfect it couldn't have been all bad right
LebanonBaby 26
They're also healthy for you :) but not too much.. Its also said that some taste like bacon bites!
JMichael 26
It's good protein OP!
MaiLyfe 20
OP never said it tasted good, just said it was perfectly salted. And that's disgusting. I'm so sorry, OP, but I love your description.
Jreslier 15
Sounds crunchy ;)
Soviet_American 29
That's nut good OP..
StupidMonkey497 16
Tastes like chicken
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Good thing you thoroughly identified it before eating it.
hufflepuffle 13
I don't think I've ever laughed as hard at an FML comment as I did while reading yours #3.
pwnman 33
Well, looks like I'm disgusted for my morning, back to sleep.
LennyComa 39
It's still edible. Still sucks though, you could always check the package and contact the company to see what they can do for you
tiger8255 13
Not much they could do, I think. I'm pretty sure that the law with foods and insects is that they can't have more than a certain amount of insects in their food, and this might be considered fine.
kyuubi1 14
well at least it was perfectly salty.
fordneagles 34
Would you have preferred a perfectly salted, crispy, and live carpenter ant?
Greenteamextreme 16
As Bear Grylls would say... 'Protein!'. That and 'WE'VE GOT TO GET TO HIGHER GROUND!'
Jreslier 15
K
Greenteamextreme 16
O
Greenteamextreme 16
You do not want to start an alphabet war with me!
Jreslier 15
Why not ;)
Godsofdracos 15
If this is an alphabet war you both lost... You start at "A" and "K" isn't after "O"..
Zougibourg_fml 6
#20 If your comment was serious, you need to check the significations of "joke" and "irony"
Vahex 19
And drink your own piss!
False_Stupidity 42
If Bear Grylls was standing at the summit of Mount Everest, do you think would still have this need to get to higher ground?
bazookajoey 27
Sounds delicious!!
angelitared 27
Protein, no biggie!