Miscellaneous: Today, my sister and her new husband invited our family and my...

By sisterofthebride - United States

Today, my sister and her new husband invited our family and my fiancé over to look at their wedding pictures. Turns out, I caught the bouquet and flashed the world in the process. FML

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Miscellaneous

Triage

I'm not lovin' it

Taking sides

By Daddy - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML

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8384

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By Juanna - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in the park and I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

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33584

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By FunGhoost - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

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37330

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By jazzterchic - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mom doesn't believe you can get food poisoning from food that is cooked. She gave us food that had sat out all day/night and then got angry when I said we could get sick. FML

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5519

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By Anonymous - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

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By klm878 - United States

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

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By Parent - United States - Elkhart

Today, being a divorced dad, I had a very important job opportunity for which I would be gone overnight. When I returned, I found my son locked in his room while the babysitter was having sex with a man in my bed. FML

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By madib33 - United States

Today, after much debate I let my mom wax my eyebrows. Now I get to look super surprised until they grow back. FML

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41385

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By poorpony

Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML

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3649

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By fuckface? I wish - Australia - Diamond Beach

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

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60855

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By Anonymous

Class act

Today, after 5 years, an engagement, and me being 5 months pregnant, my boyfriend downloaded Tinder again. 2020 is really great. FML

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1783

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By Celewyn - Australia

Today, my patient knocked my glasses off as I assisted him in the shower. We both looked in terror as they fell into his unflushed toilet. This patient was isolated due to a contagious infection. FML

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By no good deed - 23/7/2020 20:02

It's the thought that counts

Today, I was feeling pretty down due to a recent back injury, so I thought I’d do something nice to help lift my spirits. I bought some cookies for my coworkers, who ended up not wanting any, and one of them decided to ask what was wrong with my face. Oh, right, my acne rosacea is flaring too. FML

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1401

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By Earthboundb - United States

Today, I just got back from a Civil War Reenactment in Virginia, my first big event in years. I spent over $200 on gas and food, and had to drive for over 10 hours both ways from Massachusetts. When I finally got there I realized, I had left my uniform at home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Manhattan Beach

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

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29845

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By Anonymous - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

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43203

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By Idi - France

Today, I arrived right on time for my train. Only problem, it was the wrong station. FML

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20091

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By Anonymous

Today, for the third time in as many months, I woke up early and got dressed up for our department’s networking breakfast, where I stood in the back with no seat and no food, while employees from other departments and less senior staff ate breakfast. My boss later asked me if the food was good. FML

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1451

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By NoFriends - 6/10/2020 16:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Social media was a mistake

Today, my husband deleted the Messenger app, because he doesn't use it a lot, and people can text him. That's fine, but he didn't tell any of his contacts that. All his friends think he's blocked them. He's now pouting, because no one's texting him. He's not on Facebook, so no-one sees him there either. FML

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921

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By user210 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML

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34933

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By shakinmahbuttbutt - United States

Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML

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52092

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML

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41300

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By leaaaa 223 - 14/7/2020 23:01

Take, is gift

Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML

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1211

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280

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By leena - United States - Encinitas

Today, my two best friends that I've known since middle school broke up. I'm glad I'm no longer a third wheel but now they won't talk to each other and both use me to complain about the other. FML

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18519

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By RootyTootToot

Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML

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2530

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

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14923

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By El Boz - United States

Splashed out

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

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20102

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By Kaluhaluha

Today, I came back from a 700-mile round trip. I hit a massive pothole I couldn't avoid and blew out a tire and bent my rim. I was less than a mile from my house. FML

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2545

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By glittercat - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

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32125

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By Indianagirl94 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

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27512

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3337

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By Disgruntled - United States - East Lansing

Today, my 2-year-old daughter started showing signs of understanding the potty training concept. She announced to my mother-in-law that she needed to go potty, only to be flatly told, "No, you don't." So she crapped herself. Now it's going to take forever to train her. FML

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21993

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By poormom - United States

Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML

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69992

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

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44123

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By anonymous - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

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23989

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

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38068

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

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47336

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By Murphy's law

Today, I was working on my laptop when the screen suddenly turned red. I was shocked since it's not that old, but my insurance just expired. On my way to the service I was thinking, "At least my car works!" Well... A few hours later, my car broke. FML

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2278

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

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31035

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By arghh - Australia

Today, I was on a tram and I noticed an older lady having trouble getting down the stairs. I immediately got up to help her, dropping my bag on the seat accidentally. As I went to get back on the tram, the doors closed. FML

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36684

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife went into the bathroom at Walmart. Being almost sure there was no one else in there, I stood around the corner to scare her. As the door opened, I jumped around the corner and scared an innocent woman to so badly she peed herself. FML

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Top comments

By fallen45078 | 8

#6080330 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:36

Well thats revealing.

By mariab2898 | 13

#6080354 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:47

Well that's better than NOT catching the bouquet and flashing the whole world in the process

COMMENTS

By fallen45078 | 8

#6080330 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:36

Well thats revealing.

adrian1910 | 15

#6080355 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:48

Lol that bouquet thing really works.

krazayman | 18

#6080460 - Saturday 4 October 2014 1:56

is it just me or is everyones' comments getting downvoted

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6080525 - Saturday 4 October 2014 4:25

seems to be just you there, 26.

RamonTheGamer | 7

#6080532 - Saturday 4 October 2014 4:39

Yep, Toootally just him

AHzulu | 25

#6080693 - Saturday 4 October 2014 7:21

k m8

WolfyGrace | 24

#6080741 - Saturday 4 October 2014 9:34

Something tells me it's everyone in this thread and the majority of people in the rest of the comment section.

Toolishing | 22

#6081180 - Saturday 4 October 2014 22:26

Most comment threads are down voted nowadays. "Because why not?"

websraaa | 6

#6081575 - Sunday 5 October 2014 11:49

Lol

By CarlyMarDry | 16

#6080331 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:36

Feel for ya.

By Kiki242 | 19

#6080333 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:37

Multitasking is a good skill to have.

By shankypotato | 13

#6080334 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:37

Was the ceremony fun at least?

By Pleonasm | 34

#6080337 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:38

That's a nip in the bud for the wedding picture sharing.

garadan1 | 18

#6080434 - Saturday 4 October 2014 1:07

Cmon, Pleo! We all know you can do better!

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6080591 - Saturday 4 October 2014 5:57

Yeah, that comment was just a flash in the pan.

By Khaleesi_26 | 30

#6080343 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:41

That's kinda awkward infront of the family... But at least it was only family, burn the picture!!

mageepaigeee44 | 15

#6080501 - Saturday 4 October 2014 3:43

And friend/acquaintances. Plus I wouldn't want even just my family to see my hoo ha's.

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6080529 - Saturday 4 October 2014 4:36

good ha doesn't mean what you think it means...

mageepaigeee44 | 15

#6080538 - Saturday 4 October 2014 4:46

You're right. hoo ha= vagina. I thought it meant either.

carabobara | 7

#6081005 - Saturday 4 October 2014 18:39

the term is ta ta's. usage: my blouse buttons came undid and everyone saw my ta ta's. (tah-tah)

mageepaigeee44 | 15

#6081089 - Saturday 4 October 2014 19:50

Ta ta is the term I was looking for! Thank you haha.

By xXToxicPenguinXx | 12

#6080345 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:41

At least you caught the bouquet...

sarah5745 | 41

#6080684 - Saturday 4 October 2014 7:04

I would rather NOT catch the bouquet and not reveal myself, that to catch it and reveal myself.

By Michael903 | 18

#6080349 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:44

It's amazing how information about one's self can pop out from time to time.

By Futacy | 29

#6080350 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:45

You just went full Janet Jackson. Never go full Janet Jackson.

HairIsEverything | 15

#6080367 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:59

I feel like this is totally something Stewy would say!

By mariab2898 | 13

#6080354 - Friday 3 October 2014 23:47

Well that's better than NOT catching the bouquet and flashing the whole world in the process