Love: Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years....

By :/ - 12/03/2016 11:36 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 886

You deserved it 2 563

Love

Trashy

Unreasonable

Always check for tits

By Roger Quimble - 24/05/2019 00:04

Today, after taking a refreshing shower, I found out that due to a newly-built platform, people in the apartment underneath can see right into my bedroom. While I was standing there completely naked, some guy smiled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 828

You deserved it 234

By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 525

You deserved it 6 628

By Btdtgts - 25/03/2017 14:00

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 535

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 26/06/2013 16:42 - United States - Englewood

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 958

You deserved it 8 272

By j0j0 - 15/01/2009 16:00 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 676

You deserved it 3 817

By joedoe - 18/07/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 906

You deserved it 51 494

By tooth fairy - 20/08/2018 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, my dentist called and told me that the surgery to remove my wisdom teeth - which I desperately need and saved for a year to be able to afford - will actually cost nearly $2000 more than originally stated. The surgery is supposed to be in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 501

You deserved it 119

By tara22 - 27/04/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 005

You deserved it 6 268

By Juanna - 13/01/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in the park and I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 614

You deserved it 4 501

By butterbody - 23/03/2014 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 899

You deserved it 6 773

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 231

You deserved it 3 295

By shrimp41 - 14/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 827

You deserved it 16 205

By rbeast - 21/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 623

You deserved it 4 144

By Anonymous - 29/08/2018 18:30

Today, while trying to help my disabled uncle into his walker, his one testicle popped out of the leg of his short shorts. I asked him to adjust himself and had to hold on to his walker as he did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 410

You deserved it 214

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 616

You deserved it 82 930

By anon - 23/11/2011 22:53

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 947

You deserved it 3 009

By overlandparkmommie - 14/05/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 360

You deserved it 3 716

By Jenny - 09/02/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 275

You deserved it 4 813

Why do people do this?

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a friend showed me my husband's online dating profile, which includes photos of him with our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 214

You deserved it 126

By The Lone Ranger - 05/10/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 103

You deserved it 2 824

By Anonymous - 06/05/2016 16:55 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 308

You deserved it 1 445

Private everything, always!

By Unemployed - 31/08/2021 16:01

Today, I received an e-mail telling me the job offer I got last week was rescinded. Apparently, the memes I share on my Instagram page are "tasteless" and don’t fit the company’s values. I forgot my profile is public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 1 677

By Anonymous - 17/09/2010 11:36 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 390

You deserved it 3 498

By MakeMyDay_27 - 27/06/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 888

You deserved it 5 611

Dingus

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 14:26 - United States

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 940

You deserved it 5 526

By Suprise - 17/08/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 007

You deserved it 8 909

By poopboy - 16/01/2017 10:49

Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 309

You deserved it 824

By bloodyfreakinawful - 14/12/2012 06:40 - United States - Seabrook

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 903

You deserved it 3 179

Forever alone

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 08:08

Today, being a lonely exchange student, I slept with a guy from my dorm who I don’t genuinely like, just to show myself a good time. His equipment, fully deployed, was not even the size of my thumb and the entire business lasted less than 20 seconds. I was lonely enough to let him back in again. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 2 041

By desertpunk75 - 19/01/2011 03:40 - United States

Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 787

You deserved it 3 158

By khood - 14/04/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 642

You deserved it 69 978

Judge not lest ye be judged

By DV. - 27/02/2021 23:01 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my girlfriend and I, who are both heavy set, went into the pharmacy and asked if they sold any over the counter antidiarrhetic medicine. The store clerk, eyeing us up and down, said, “Uh, sorry, we don’t have antidiabetic medicine.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 263

By bruh_im18 - 17/09/2016 16:18 - United States - Metairie

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 958

You deserved it 2 550

By Anonymous - 21/06/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 261

You deserved it 16 422

By wtf - 12/07/2009 16:20 - United States

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 886

You deserved it 14 462

By mattttbob - 04/02/2012 10:16 - Australia

Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 469

You deserved it 35 903

By Shrek's Pubes - 22/05/2019 20:00

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde. Turns out, green hair doesn't suit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 548

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 356

Check this out

By Anonymous - 03/06/2020 17:00

Today, I ran downstairs to meet the Amazon driver and threw on a shirt in a rush. Only after he left did I realise it was my shirt with artful rips in the design and I'd forgot to put on a vest under it. I'd flashed the driver my entire right boob with nipple piercing through one of the holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 1 735

By hatecolin - 10/09/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 745

You deserved it 12 934

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Top comments

Cathrin 26

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:17

12 years? He has issues. You probably dodged a bullet because I can see him getting very clingy very fast if you two were still together.

Katrinnaw 19

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:20

Run... The answer to every awkward situation... Just run really Fast

ThuNDeY 23

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:16

Then fuck him

w0nderwh4t 14

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Sunday 13 March 2016 2:47

i think he meant "don't actually fuck him, but fuck him" like stop talking to him

feven 32

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Sunday 13 March 2016 4:33

This could go very wrong if OP interprets this comment differently.

ThuNDeY 23

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Sunday 13 March 2016 5:11

Yep. Thought you guys would get the joke lol

whatarethisss 23

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:16

Let bygones be bygones.

nourHERE 15

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:16

The real question is are you happy with your husband... and if you are who cares about this guy. He's too late

chinaski7628 32

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:43

I don't think the FML here is that OP lost an opportunity to be with her high school sweetheart or that she's even thinking about him. I think the FML is that her high school sweetheart is creepy and borderline obsessed with her.

iiTzNeeNerz 26

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Sunday 13 March 2016 2:01

I agree with #3. Are you happy? Because this FML can be interpreted differently. The way it's worded sounds like he confessed to you and now you're bummed because you're married with children.

piker117 11

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Sunday 13 March 2016 21:54

Just because he didn't get over her doesn't mean he's creepy, by the sounds of it he kept his distance and didn't actually on the fact so I see nothing wrong with it

Malsain_fml 10

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Monday 14 March 2016 9:21

Exact. I can't tell if the fml is for the guy being alone, for him being creepy (does not sound like it because they had no contact till this moment) or if it is for her not being in a position to have him back.

FunnnyGirrl 19

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:16

Don't let him get into your head!

Cathrin 26

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:17

12 years? He has issues. You probably dodged a bullet because I can see him getting very clingy very fast if you two were still together.

exo_went_insane 12

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Sunday 13 March 2016 1:54

I was thinking the same thing. If he isn't over her after 12 years, yet never bothered to stay in touch either directly or through others, he has deep-rooted issues with the concept of relationships, with communication and generally himself as a person. OP should remember why they broke up in the first place. Those issues clearly haven't gotten any better.

LostInTheZone11 28

Sunday 13 March 2016 0:19

Well for him, that ship sailed.

WCARlover 34

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:20

He probably has a shrine of you, OP. Have you noticed any missing articles of clothing or your hairbrush mysteriously cleaned of all hair lately?

Rockinroyaltyx3 21

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:51

Maybe he cuts locks of her hair without her knowing. Or collects her used gum and puts all of them together in the shape of her head in the back of his closet... Just like Helga from "Hey Arnold!".

Katrinnaw 19

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:20

Run... The answer to every awkward situation... Just run really Fast

Moskaaa7 26

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:26

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

ssnow_fml 20

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:29

you broke that poor boys heart

hannah_dl 11

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:33

You sound like a guy that probably talks about "the friend zone" and "bitches these days" all the time. xD

xDrakeNinja 12

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Sunday 13 March 2016 0:41

Wow. He was just feeling sympathetic towards him.... Bitches these days.... You sound like those hoes who friendzone guys for no good reason... JK

Faby96 13

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Sunday 13 March 2016 7:09

#17 “hoes who friendzone guys for no good reason" so “I don't like you" is not a good reason? I didn't know I was obligated to sleep with/date a guy just because he likes me, I guess you are a “good guy" right?