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By I can't stand leg puns - 30/07/2018 19:08 - United Kingdom - Feltham

Today, while I was out for a walk, a little boy asked if he could try on my prosthetic leg. Being as nice as possible, knowing that he probably didn't understand, I told him no. He screamed and his mum coldly told me I'm a terrible person and should have let him try it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 384

You deserved it 278

By hugs511 - 25/07/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 702

You deserved it 3 169

By Noname - 11/01/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 442

You deserved it 61 528

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 02:07 - United States

Today, I spent ages at CVS waiting for a flu shot. The main cause of holdup was a disagreement between the pharmacist and the insurance company over 4 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 223

You deserved it 2 736

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 06/12/2015 13:07

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 083

You deserved it 1 988

By sadpoorlady - 22/06/2013 09:22 - United Kingdom - Appley Bridge

Today, my boyfriend used the "this isn't working, we need to talk" line on me. How nice of him to wait this long to do so, just days after we returned from the expensive Caribbean holiday that I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 917

You deserved it 5 021

Blackmail

By Rakib - 31/08/2015 17:17 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 981

You deserved it 2 067

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 06:39 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 051

You deserved it 2 607

By Jack Shart Jr. - 08/07/2015 15:16 - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 078

You deserved it 18 051

By foxfur - 14/07/2016 12:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 730

You deserved it 3 972

By Drizztreri - 05/03/2014 00:09 - United States - Imperial

Today, my mother asked me why her new airsoft gun wasn't working. I explained to her that it doesn't actually shoot air, it requires pellets too. She looked at me like I was too stupid to be her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 812

You deserved it 3 325

By GavinHosler - 29/01/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad, which is one of my roommate's names, when I came. Now her and her friends think I'm gay, and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 815

You deserved it 33 936

By OnlyAvailableID - 08/02/2015 08:35 - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 097

You deserved it 3 685

Young love

By loser - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I asked the girl I sort of like as we were leaving class how her day was going so far. She said, "Great. Don't ruin it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 085

You deserved it 3 379

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 398

You deserved it 2 705

By Anonymous - 06/09/2013 11:55 - United States - Louisville

Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 630

You deserved it 2 897

By Michelle - 09/01/2010 16:11 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 718

You deserved it 3 451

By new 2 twitter - 10/01/2017 23:23

Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 635

You deserved it 1 609

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 23:40 - Canada

Today, I was kicked out of the mall along with a bunch of my friends, sworn at by the security guards, and personally escorted all the way to the sidewalk, only to find out we'd been mistaken for another group of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 881

You deserved it 2 587

By Sen728 - 25/09/2014 02:10 - United States - East Haven

Today, my mom threw away a bag of tiny parts belonging to a $1,700 robot. Naturally, I figured this out at midnight and had to spend 30 minutes digging through three nasty trashcans overflowing with rotten food and spiders. The bag was dripping with what looked like cheese by the time I found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 946

You deserved it 3 007

Sen728 tells us more.

Sen728 6

Thursday 25 September 2014 19:51

This is my first FML, so I'm actually really surprised that it got posted. I collect robots and the robot in question is a robotic dog called a Genibo SD which I was partially disassembling to replace its battery at the time. I had to go searching for the parts immediately since that night was trash night and if I had waited until morning, they would have been long gone. I did leave the bag sitting on a table where I had been working, but it was next to a bunch of screwdrivers so I didn't think it would be mistaken for trash (though I admit it was partially my fault for not moving the bag somewhere safer). I'm not upset with my mom, she's a great person and had no way of knowing that the parts were important. Aha, I obviously don't enjoy tearing through trash bags in the middle of the night, but it was definitely a better outcome than if the parts had been taken away by the dump truck.