Health: Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an... - FML

By foxfur - 14/07/2016 12:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 657

You deserved it 3 905

Dysfunctional

Skipped town

You all sound the same

By Sniffles - 26/04/2014 12:28 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 385

You deserved it 30 279

Weird romance

By Mike - 10/06/2021 08:01

Today, my coworker and I have been sharing the same girlfriend for over a year. She doesn’t know that we each know about the other, but now it’s all over. She blocked both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 832

By LexS12 - 30/04/2017 04:00

Today, at the age of 21, I've been diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. There goes my volleyball career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 590

You deserved it 375

By MistressSuzuka - 21/09/2012 00:05 - United States - Milwaukee

Spicy

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 154

You deserved it 2 791

By FunTimes - 19/08/2019 04:00 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 103

By Crazy Mom - 10/06/2013 05:13 - United States

Today, my mom walked into the bathroom while I was taking a pic to send to my long-distance boyfriend. She then told me I would go to hell for flaunting myself at guys. I was fully clothed, sending a pic to see if he liked my new haircut. That and I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 071

You deserved it 4 617

By Breanne - 14/07/2011 15:25 - Canada

Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 200

You deserved it 2 307

By StairwayToEvan92 - 24/09/2018 13:30

Today, I ran over a recently-killed skunk in the road. My truck now smells absolutely rancid, and the smell will probably last for months. At least it goes well with my dog, who was also skunked 6 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 274

By crazydog - 10/06/2011 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 597

You deserved it 4 172

How appropriate

By ohgod - 14/08/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my one year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 481

You deserved it 7 917

By bitchypast - 27/01/2015 23:50 - United States - Rockland

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 322

You deserved it 2 244

By Zora - 15/07/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 131

You deserved it 3 748

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook to find that my boyfriend's relationship status had changed to in a relationship with his ex. I asked him about it, and all he said was, "I guess I forgot to break up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 998

You deserved it 2 763

By nurseITHINKNOT - 18/04/2011 19:24 - United States

Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 179

You deserved it 3 859

By Anonymous - 13/02/2013 22:29 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I finally confronted my bully. Too bad it was at my high school reunion and he beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 994

You deserved it 5 694

By Tony - 30/11/2010 11:30

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 732

You deserved it 2 576

By yeah - 27/08/2010 23:16 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 730

You deserved it 38 788

By _/ | \_ - 06/10/2013 17:40 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 357

You deserved it 3 777

By somebody - 08/06/2012 23:13 - United States - Lexington Park

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 284

You deserved it 2 066

By misty_love - 10/03/2010 08:09 - United States

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 639

You deserved it 3 707

By amilia - 07/11/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 281

You deserved it 309

By Kourou - 21/11/2008 12:53 - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 129

You deserved it 3 006

Birth certificate

By figures - 29/11/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 372

You deserved it 40 475

By oops - 30/07/2012 00:25 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 116

You deserved it 7 089

By fat and alone - 05/06/2014 04:11 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 126

You deserved it 18 063

By Anonymous - 06/10/2009 00:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 323

You deserved it 5 351

All weddings are themed

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 20:08

Today, I went to pick up my wedding dress from the seamstress, only to find out that my fiancé called two weeks ago to say I wanted the dress "tie-dyed to match our new theme." She believed him. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 18:58 - United States

Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 767

You deserved it 5 392

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - 14/06/2021 14:01 - United States - Kittanning

Spicy

Today, my father-in-law decided to "fix" our bathtub and ended up flooding the bathroom. Later, in his attempt to clean things up, he walked, without permission, into my bathroom where my vibrator was right next to my hairdryer. He definitely saw it, and didn’t say anything to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 368

By Anonymous - 15/09/2012 16:11 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 875

You deserved it 3 816

By smartgirl - 01/05/2009 23:48 - Canada

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 453

You deserved it 5 462

Old-timey expressions

By sexualpopcorn - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said, "See ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I was calling her ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 025

You deserved it 4 412

Loose Women

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 22:59

Spicy

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 350

Red faces all round

By ladyhavery - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my hot co-worker had to use my computer, so he called me while I was at lunch for my login password. It was his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 854

You deserved it 50 129

By owwthatfarts - 27/01/2017 11:53 - United States - Worcester

Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 952

You deserved it 504

By Anonymous - 15/05/2019 20:00

Today, I saw what I thought was a cobweb right behind my head where I sleep. I went to wipe it off and part of the sheetrock dented in. On further inspection, they were holes in the wall. Termites started coming out of them like something out of a horror movie. My husband is out of town for the next few weeks, and I'm extremely bug-phobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 206

By dine and DASH our friendship - 02/05/2017 00:11

Today, I served my good friend and his girlfriend at the restaurant where I work. They did a "dine and dash". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 313

You deserved it 386

Balls

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, at 17 years-old my doctor told me my balls are riddled with multiple small cancerous tumours. They are now useless for sperm production and will have to be removed anyway to cure the cancer, but not to worry, for aesthetic reasons they can replace them with silicone balls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 595

You deserved it 94

By cowgurl91 - 13/01/2010 21:40 - France

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 224

You deserved it 42 272

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 09:47 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 511

You deserved it 4 245

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:30

Get help now before it's too late.

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:42

"There she is again. She's just been standing there for an hour, staring." "Should we do something?" "Nah, she can't be that desperate. Give her another hour."

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:30

Get help now before it's too late.

Send a private message

Saturday 16 July 2016 0:33

Yes. Please do OP. We are here for you. You can do it.

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:30

I thought drinking made people less socially aware.

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:33

I wish there was a option in between fyl and ydi

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 5:22

Just select both

TrippingOnAcid 29

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 13:57

There is no option for YDI but there needs to be

HappyItalian 38

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 15:27

I don't get the "that could've been me" or "glad that wasn't me" buttons... doesn't clicking FYL kinda hint at that already? Otherwise those buttons are like giving you two exact same options in one FML

katachristic 19

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 15:45

They seem to put it on certain FMLs where it's inappropriate or potentially dangerous to say YDI. Like "Today I found out I have cancer, FML." generally shouldn't garner many YDIs, but some members of the community...

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 20:20

Because feelings might get hurt on a page that was originally started as a way to make fun of yourself and let others laugh along. Seems like these days it's for people to complain about their perceived misery and hope others agree

Megs37 3

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:34

Get help ! Sounds like you're calling out for help! Recovery can be tough but it's possible ! Believe me!

Lustig_Junge 16

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:42

Day drinking is a bad habit to get into. Say no to drinking and yes to Pokemon GO. I've heard it's just as addicting and also results in making stupid decisions while driving!

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:42

"There she is again. She's just been standing there for an hour, staring." "Should we do something?" "Nah, she can't be that desperate. Give her another hour."

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:46

If you are such a regular that you worry about what the staff think of you then you are already desperate. Time to admit y ou have a problem and get some help.

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 18:15

You see; I don't have that problem. I split all my alcohol shopping up between three different stores. It's pretty easy since I strategically moved into a place directly between them. No, sir! No problems, here! *quietly weeps in the corner*

ollygollymolly 6

Send a private message

Sunday 17 July 2016 7:34

I feel like the people at the store down my street think I have a problem. I do most of my food shopping elsewhere and go in there for liquor and wine because liquor is cheaper and they have my favourite wine.

almost_there44 26

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:47

At least you recognize that you have a problem. Now it's time for you to take action and beat your addiction. Today is your day.

anonymoususer070 17

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 3:58

Maybe you should try to talk to someone before it's too late and there's always AA so no one even has to know about it

Send a private message

Friday 15 July 2016 4:17

Know the problems of being a habitual drinker all too well, change your routine and you can change the habit. Also if you get into a good workout regiment you'll find yourself desiring alcohol a lot less.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 274