Animals: Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26425

You deserved it

4240

Tweet

Share

Proactive

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By YouAssholes - United States - Anaheim

Today, my band members and I were brainstorming ideas to help increase our fan base. My drummer suggested they replace me for someone attractive. Everyone agreed and now they are trying to kick me out of the band I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50532

You deserved it

3762

Tweet

Share

By jccwell - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26999

You deserved it

2356

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that my new landlords must meet and approve guests of mine before they come over, and guests are not allowed when they aren't home or past 11pm. I'm 25 years old and just moved out of my parents' home to get away from my controlling mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31615

You deserved it

4060

Tweet

Share

By num1piglover - United States - Raritan

Today, my dad told my mom to only drop off my sister for Thanksgiving and not me. Guess I was wrong about him wanting to work on our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9624

You deserved it

713

Tweet

Share

By bushwhacker - United States - Wichita

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29665

You deserved it

3286

Tweet

Share

By ohcollege - United States

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28258

You deserved it

2493

Tweet

Share

By taurus05 - United States

Today, I was talking to my fellow coworker about how nervous I was about sleeping with this guy I really liked. She's been constantly giving me advice about him for months, but today she said "Oh don't worry, he isn't that good in bed anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25006

You deserved it

3290

Tweet

Share

By Brooke - United States - Manteca

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39380

You deserved it

3538

Tweet

Share

By jimmyt420 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30492

You deserved it

16052

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43568

You deserved it

2812

Tweet

Share

By ugh.. - United States

Today, while working at my life guard job, I noticed a girl bouncing on one foot over to the pool. Afraid she would trip, I whistled at her and harshly yelled "NO running or messing around on the pool deck!" She removed her towel, revealing her legs. Or leg, she only had one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53285

You deserved it

21349

Tweet

Share

By Were do we go... - United States

Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me: my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28995

You deserved it

6000

Tweet

Share

By Urgghh - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65358

You deserved it

6407

Tweet

Share

By TatooFAIL - United States

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16246

You deserved it

67653

Tweet

Share

By killingmyselfimmediately

Today, I had the flu and couldn't go to school. My dad called in and told them that I couldn't be there because I have an itchy anus. Not only that, but my birthday's tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2476

You deserved it

200

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26979

You deserved it

5525

Tweet

Share

By theultimatesalonfail - United States

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42582

You deserved it

3144

Tweet

Share

By unknown

Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33515

You deserved it

5941

Tweet

Share

By useless bosses - Australia - Sydney

Today, the people who gave me no training or instruction on how to do my job tried to fire me, because asking for clarification apparently means I'm incompetent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6497

You deserved it

395

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Thievery Ltd.

Today, I saw a neglected potted palm tree on the front porch of what I thought was an empty house down the street from me. I took it home to nurse it back to health. When I got home from work, it was gone. Later, when taking a walk, I spotted the palm, right back on the porch I'd taken it from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

444

You deserved it

2366

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13046

You deserved it

32519

Tweet

Share

By sunshine

Today, I saw my uncle after six months. The first thing he says to me is, 'I didn't even recognize you! You've gained so much weight.' Gee thanks uncle. Just what I wanted to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3779

You deserved it

887

Tweet

Share

By Great... - United States

Today, I found out that my 20-year-old boyfriend won't touch my boobs because he is afraid his parents will find out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48398

You deserved it

5641

Tweet

Share

By NotHauteCouture - United States

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25857

You deserved it

13321

Tweet

Share

By yomamma787 - United States

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14831

You deserved it

54291

Tweet

Share

By justlittleoldme - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed 'I Love You'. After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back and said, 'What kind of gun was it?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

34762

You deserved it

7258

Tweet

Share

By AmberKCole - United States

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9520

You deserved it

100290

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter decided to drench our carpets with water, to "make them grow like plants". She's 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12505

You deserved it

1688

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

On time

Today, I finally got up early enough to get to work on time. I arrived 15 minutes early only to realize that I'd left my work laptop at home. Ended up being 30 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1534

You deserved it

981

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Sweden

Lovely bundles of joy

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43948

You deserved it

3823

Tweet

Share

By RuasaLove - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30300

You deserved it

8841

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 20:02

Welcome back!

Today, it's the last day of my three-week vacation, during which I couldn't go anywhere due to COVID and lockdown. I just learned that some of my colleagues are infected and I will have to fill in for two department superintendents at the same time when I go back to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

859

You deserved it

77

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Bankstown

Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34158

You deserved it

3668

Tweet

Share

By Miroslav208 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why it would be highly offensive and inappropriate for him to go as Caylee Anthony for Halloween. I think he's still planning on doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27047

You deserved it

4853

Tweet

Share

By pinpin - France

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33485

You deserved it

18051

Tweet

Share

By huj - United States

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38991

You deserved it

4291

Tweet

Share

By selfdefense - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44303

You deserved it

2549

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year old man who only spoke spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50387

You deserved it

2629

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Birthday Boy

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1468

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Romulus

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend, who's already made two threats against my life, informed me that she now has a concealed carry permit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48423

You deserved it

3572

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By perdix | 29

#1892558 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:50

Pet interview?

I'll bet the poor dog was nervous trying to answer the probing questions concerning all of the lies and exaggerations you put on his résumé (or C. V., if you will.)

You fudged his credentials, so he fudged the office.

By Xythenol | 6

#1892569 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:59

"REQUIRED PET INTERVIEW".
Your spelling is atrocious, no wonder your reading skills suck too.

COMMENTS

By dragonxfly | 0

#1892539 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:38

hai thar

Reply

alfredrog | 0

#1892552 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:47

happry

By josie1238 | 0

#1892540 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:38

haha

By azeen | 0

#1892541 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:38

ha...

By xshowmethehueix | 0

#1892548 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:42

epic fail.

Reply

thelastavailable | 13

#1892765 - Sunday 26 December 2010 13:26

Are the words 'epic' and 'fail' the In words right now?

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1892986 - Sunday 26 December 2010 15:01

ydi for feeding your dog beans and salsa the day before.

By Me_iz_a_Bboy | 0

#1892553 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:48

Owned

By alexiiiiis09 | 0

#1892554 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:48

ew lol poor doggy :(

By iSolDyourSouL | 0

#1892557 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:50

That totally sucks. FYL

Reply

MrFancy | 0

#1893344 - Sunday 26 December 2010 16:59

Yeah, I hate dogs.

Reply

sharkwkrox | 0

#2435538 - Saturday 30 April 2011 21:26

43..I hate you.

By perdix | 29

#1892558 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:50

Pet interview?

I'll bet the poor dog was nervous trying to answer the probing questions concerning all of the lies and exaggerations you put on his résumé (or C. V., if you will.)

You fudged his credentials, so he fudged the office.

Reply

lol_ironic_life | 9

#1892581 - Sunday 26 December 2010 10:11

lol I always enjoy reading your comments perdix! I feel bad for your puppy and you too OP! Hope you'll find somewhere better. ;)

Reply

mytralala_fml | 7

#1892598 - Sunday 26 December 2010 10:20

win.

By takemetomars | 0

#1892561 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:52

ugh y exactly would u bring a pet with u too an interview?!

Reply

Xythenol | 6

#1892569 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:59

"REQUIRED PET INTERVIEW".
Your spelling is atrocious, no wonder your reading skills suck too.

Reply

White_Fury | 0

#1892586 - Sunday 26 December 2010 10:13

I live in Texas and I have an apartment and I have never heard of a required pet interview...

Reply

lacrossekid | 0

#1892626 - Sunday 26 December 2010 10:58

that's cuz you live I'n Texas ... you could have a horse I'n ur house and I don't think you hillbillys would care

Reply

BloodyHeel | 8

#1892673 - Sunday 26 December 2010 12:16

Good grief.

Reply

CaityCatastrophy | 0

#1894473 - Monday 27 December 2010 3:47

Can I smack 27?

Reply

aworm27 | 2

#4383540 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:53

27, at least us "hillbillies" can spell. Idiot.

Reply

NeatNit | 32

#5749598 - Sunday 10 November 2013 17:12

I'm guessing the apartment owners decided to do these pet interviews. They can do whatever that want in order to decide who gets their apartment.

By FatGuyLover | 0

#1892568 - Sunday 26 December 2010 9:59

Same thing happened to me but i still got the apartment since he was a nice gentlemen