Work: Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled... - FML

By dumblond - United States

Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43243

You deserved it

6424

Tweet

Share

Rock, hard place

Bad timing

Stuck

By J Rush - United Kingdom - Welshpool

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30117

You deserved it

3228

Tweet

Share

By SezzyJ - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Via text. With the iPhone I got him for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39212

You deserved it

3842

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went into work and noticed one of my fellow colleagues had a large bunch of flowers on her desk. As soon as I saw her, I immediately said, "Happy Birthday!" Everyone went quiet. It wasn't her birthday; her father had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22425

You deserved it

56617

Tweet

Share

By

I miss him

Today, after a 6 month dry spell, my husband was yet again “too tired” to have sex. I guess I finally found something I miss about my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2260

You deserved it

408

Tweet

Share

By Firepussy911

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6663

You deserved it

486

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2am I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53829

You deserved it

5917

Tweet

Share

By Savannah - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said : "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7767

You deserved it

572

Tweet

Share

By verysadasian - United States

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46460

You deserved it

29156

Tweet

Share

By allycat - United States

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32476

You deserved it

2683

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52448

You deserved it

3358

Tweet

Share

By enya - Luxembourg

Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21990

You deserved it

1427

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Perv

Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25352

You deserved it

1954

Tweet

Share

By TheRunaway21 - United States

Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28255

You deserved it

5362

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28113

You deserved it

1904

Tweet

Share

By TheBetterRedhead

Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, two young adults around my age came up and asked me for a lighter. Thinking they just needed it to light a cigarette, I handed them my only lighter. They immediately ran away. I got robbed for a 1.99$ lighter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3754

You deserved it

502

Tweet

Share

By notanightowlanymore - United States - Clyde

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22221

You deserved it

2113

Tweet

Share

By IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed - Mauritius

Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33730

You deserved it

3509

Tweet

Share

By knowtoomuch - United States - Aurora

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64966

You deserved it

6765

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39413

You deserved it

3845

Tweet

Share

By Miss_Whipped - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11146

You deserved it

1192

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany - Berlin

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39526

You deserved it

5774

Tweet

Share

By FML_Elle - United States

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28839

You deserved it

2289

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44526

You deserved it

8959

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2693

You deserved it

416

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58216

You deserved it

15899

Tweet

Share

By ulisha5 - Bulgaria - Burgas

Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48482

You deserved it

4337

Tweet

Share

By WTF, America? - Sweden

Today, I was convinced by my friends to watch an episode of the American TV show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". They said it was bad, but I didn't anticipate having a full-blown panic attack ten minutes into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45159

You deserved it

9583

Tweet

Share

By that girl has a beard - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22660

You deserved it

6683

Tweet

Share

By Lonely - 5/12/2020 07:58 - Netherlands - Utrecht

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

Today, my only daughter and her boyfriend sat me down for an important talk. I was thrilled, thinking they were engaged or pregnant. They actually wanted to tell me they're moving half way around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

792

You deserved it

126

Tweet

Share

By fme - United States

Today, I took the family to the Rainforest Café. There was no parking and I detest paying $12 for valet parking. I parked at Wal-Greens across the street in the only spot without a "patrons only, violators will be towed" sign. It was covered by the tree branches. It cost me $225 for the cab and fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11659

You deserved it

44150

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Chillicothe

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19665

You deserved it

1251

Tweet

Share

By jcesom - United States

Today, my father taught my son to pee on trees outside. We went to the mall later and my son decided to practice what he'd learned on a potted plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43817

You deserved it

6077

Tweet

Share

By "AdorableDoxie"

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2317

That could've happened to me

344

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my 6-year-old son was being charming by smiling and batting his eyelashes at me. When I asked him, "What?" he replied, "When you die, can I have your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1495

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States - York

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26407

You deserved it

3094

Tweet

Share

By happybirthday - United States

Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74877

You deserved it

9435

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22841

You deserved it

1670

Tweet

Share

By Sorry babe - 29/11/2020 08:02 - United States - Hesperia

Lightweight

Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

809

You deserved it

191

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38677

You deserved it

5531

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, at the supermarket, I ignored the "Riding on trolleys down the ramp is strictly prohibited" sign. While going full speed down the ramp, my trolley with $200 worth of groceries in it tipped and crashed. Luckily, I broke its fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5977

You deserved it

47829

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By brrrx | 0

#487046 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:04

Sounds like you improved the schedule.

By paintballer394 | 0

#487054 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:04

A subliminal message, maybe?

COMMENTS

By brrrx | 0

#487046 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:04

Sounds like you improved the schedule.

Reply

Grndslmhttr3 | 0

#487815 - Saturday 15 August 2009 4:29

Second

Reply

cornbutter | 0

#487880 - Saturday 15 August 2009 5:16

WHOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'M SORTA FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK GAWD!!!!!!!!!! THANK JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

breadonabun | 0

#487996 - Saturday 15 August 2009 6:46

YDI for wearing sunglasses in the dark, with a solar-powered flashlight, and a waterproof bathing suit!

Reply

qq422 | 0

#490068 - Sunday 16 August 2009 3:25

uhhh......what?

Reply

killerviral | 0

#832482 - Sunday 7 February 2010 7:08

u shoulda said suck my then pointed at the paper

Reply

flabbergaste22 | 0

#843561 - Thursday 11 February 2010 5:21

guess she needs to know something

Reply

angizzlelolhahah | 0

#2665996 - Sunday 12 June 2011 16:30

?

By Jethro_fml | 0

#487050 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:04

Ouch.

Jet

By paintballer394 | 0

#487054 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:04

A subliminal message, maybe?

By sublime93 | 0

#487056 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:05

Lolfail

Reply

snavula | 0

#490331 - Sunday 16 August 2009 5:35

Definitely a win.

By lifeislife_fml | 0

#487058 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:05

What a great coincidence.

By emilyisbomb | 0

#487061 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:06

:) i love ittt.

By dramakat11 | 0

#487062 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:06

lol...But put this on mylifeisaverage.com instead

Reply

iGreen_Day | 0

#487359 - Saturday 15 August 2009 0:36

This does not happen to an average person XD XD

By darklove6792 | 0

#487064 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:06

EPIC FAIL!!!!! : ]

By ananamoose | 0

#487067 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:06

Maybe you want your boss to give it to you... that just helped him out, continue to keep sending him messages like that, so you can get a lonely night in the hot tub with him, dont be shy, cuntburger ho

Reply

OMGoriginality | 0

#487796 - Saturday 15 August 2009 4:17

OP stated it was a "she" dood, lul? Still sounds hot tho.

By Forremmy | 0

#487076 - Friday 14 August 2009 23:07

hahha oh snap