By sexisdead - 31/07/2016 17:16

Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks 16 940
You deserved it 1 857

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As a woman who doesn't read Cosmopolitan, I have to ask: what on earth do they give as sex tips that you need to have this fear?

Let's be honest OP, this could be worse..

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As a woman who doesn't read Cosmopolitan, I have to ask: what on earth do they give as sex tips that you need to have this fear?

I Googled for some of their tips, and they don't seem bad or painful. The only thing I saw that could be painful is if OP has an irrational fear of breaking his dick when being rode. I couldn't find anything too strange or painful though.

I've seen blowjob tips that invite teeth. Teeth on most penises is described as painful...

webmd. says it's possible to "break a penis". Obviously it's not a bone, but severe damage can take place with tears and such (sometimes requiring surgery) if bent significantly. When slipping out during sex and then hitting your partners pelvis c forvexample. It was one of the c articles in my daily email just last week-crazy coincidence! ?.

Rawrshi 25

"Now, to really heat things up, set your partner on fire!"

I've read some of their tips - some of them are downright terrifying if you and your partner haven't worked up to it slooowwwllyyy. Biting things, hot/cold torture, etc.

#11 there are two reservoirs of blood that cause the penis to expand when erect, these can rupture - this is how it breaks. yes I'm wincing.

Some people don't mind teeth, but it's something that has to be eased into. The way they describe it makes it sound like you should just chomp down like it's an apple, when really it should be treated like soup. 8) but their tips are horrendous, I've looked at some and cringed big time. The same with their workout tips.

I saw one that recommended putting a donut on the guys dick and then eating the donut. Which just doesn't sound that sexy at best, downright painful if you fuck it up enough.

I came to mention the doughnut one! It's still mind blowing...

Their Tips are mostly just over the top and a bad representation of what men want. Many of them sound like they where thought up by a bunch of horny middle school girls and then women read them thinking they are true.

Well, think about it. If a woman could read a single issue of Cosmo and all the relationship's problems were fixed, then she'd never need to buy another copy again, and Cosmo's business would take a hit. Cosmo's notorious for giving terrible relationship and bedroom advice, such as "If your man wants to talk to you about your day, he's probably cheating." The worse a person's relationship is, the more they'll "need," relationship magazines like Cosmo.

If mine could fit in a donut I'd have self-confidence issues

Go to cracked.com, search "Cosmo" or "cosmopolitan" - they have a list of horrifying sex tips.

I was thinking the exact same thing

I actually have a few exes who liked a little teeth action. They're the ones who asked for it. You'd be surprised..

Yeah, I've heard about that. One of my friends has a cousin who broke his dick on a radiator.

I honestly think by the time I was done consuming the donut I wouldn't even want to finish the blowjob...

"Hey babe how was your day?" "Fine" (To self) "cheater" What?

what was he doing to that poor radiator??????

Good luck, but maybe they won't be as bad as you think

Let's be honest OP, this could be worse..

Agreed, but your statement could also apply to pretty much any story on this site

True, but that's like saying "you can apply a new paint job to any car in the world". Yes you can, but some require it more than others.

At least it wasn't 50 shades of grey

Just be honest with her that that they make you nervous to try out. Best of luck.

Not sure if that that that that that that would work

The tips in those magazines are very much mutually beneficial. It's something new to discover together. Don't knock it til you try it, man. She may surprise you ;)

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Honestly, not all of them are terrible. I've learned a few tricks from Cosmo that drove my lovers wild. Ask her to see a full explanation of whatever new tricks she wants to try before you agree to anything, of course. Don't do anything you don't think you'd be comfortable with or physically unable to do, but otherwise, just try it! You might find something new and amazing that you never knew you liked.

At least you're getting some.

ADBurns 22

Go with the flow bro and enjoy the "Ride" amongst other more interesting suggestions I'm sure.

The majority of them are not even possible without contorting your body in to a position where, if you can even get and stay in, you wouldn't be able to actually move. So I'd fear more for your back than your genitals. Hopefully you know a good massage therapist or chiropractor.