Animals: Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend,...

By OnlyAvailableID - 08/02/2015 08:35 - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 072

You deserved it 3 682

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Golden shower

By Anonymous - 08/11/2019 03:00

Today, I had my first golden shower. Too bad it was from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 390

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 159

You deserved it 339

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 6 496

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 494

You deserved it 4 510

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 998

You deserved it 10 554

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 144

You deserved it 482

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 321

You deserved it 645

By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 16:04 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 481

You deserved it 5 835

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 02:14 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 514

You deserved it 4 197

By littlespoon - 04/02/2010 08:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 459

You deserved it 3 567

kingkobrastrikes 13

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:05

two ******* at one time... you're a champ!

keithsbooty 20

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:03

You can call that a devil's threesome ...

Comments

keithsbooty 20

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:03

You can call that a devil's threesome ...

cartoonboy 26

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:04

Ow! I feel your pain bro! Just make sure kitty doesn't go into the room next time

Wizardo 33

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:04

What? Cat got your nutsack?

STEALTHHUNTER88 13

Saturday 14 February 2015 19:54

This comment made my day, I'll be completely honest

kingkobrastrikes 13

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:05

two ******* at one time... you're a champ!

incoherentrmblr 21

Sunday 8 February 2015 20:29

Time to beat those ******* up...

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

Sunday 8 February 2015 22:11

2,3,4 we have some good commenters lol.. home run. woot woot

Mossygirl357 12

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:07

Ouch!

thomasrasmussen7 20

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:08

It's never good when a pussy gets mad.

djurmel89 30

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:09

Two *******, you hero!

ComoEsJuan 24

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:10

Normally, most threesomes are a ball.

Paws_Cat 29

Monday 9 February 2015 6:41

This one was two.

Apretendbiscuit 12

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:11

I don't want to know what the cat did to make you ejaculate so quickly

joshi42 16

Sunday 8 February 2015 22:45

Played with his balls, he just wrote it.

Turtle_Man 21

Monday 9 February 2015 0:01

#31 doesn't play games

feven 32

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:13

There's always next time.

Keywords

Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Customers Fat Bodyshaming Facebook Am I overreacting? Social Media Love AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Relatable Students Technology Education Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, I caught my husband of 13 years looking at other women in Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 435

Today, myself and my pug entered a novelty dog competition at the local fair. We won first prize in the lookalike contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 253

The Top

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 656

You deserved it 2 730

Today, it was my birthday. I got ONE birthday greeting: from my bank, telling me they were closing my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 431

You deserved it 3 467

Today, multiple people pushed me out of the way to get a seat on the metro. I'm five months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 574

You deserved it 440

Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 226

You deserved it 6 352

Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 800

You deserved it 683

Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 248

You deserved it 3 100

Same thing different taste

Golden shower

Sick move, bro

Top comments

Comments