Miscellaneous: Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good...

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 294

You deserved it 2 681

Miscellaneous

Late term

Triage

Best teeth in the game

Not a sponsored post, honest

By Superwoman678 - 27/10/2020 05:01 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 750

By kittenfish8903 - 06/10/2014 19:46 - United States

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 262

You deserved it 4 660

Didn't see ya there

By mbrooke - 23/03/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, a couple of friends and I were driving around town and saw a lady who had accidentally backed her car up onto a concrete wall. Laughing, we all turned to look as we passed and I drove straight into a parked police car that had stopped to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 167

You deserved it 102 339

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 16:18 - United States - Surprise

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 893

You deserved it 9 094

By jessicab72 - 15/05/2014 20:38 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 107

You deserved it 5 573

A load of hot air

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 635

By Anonymous - 13/06/2014 19:13 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I confronted my girlfriend over how she and a male friend have been going out together, drinking and partying, and at one point holding hands in the street. She angrily accused ME of cheating, because "confronting people like that" is apparently something only cheaters themselves do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 213

You deserved it 5 024

By unholy shit - 23/01/2012 22:33 - United States

Today, my parents boarded the fad wagon and became Juggalos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 646

You deserved it 3 128

By ouch - 26/06/2010 14:23 - Canada

Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 664

You deserved it 8 946

By Lonely - 02/08/2018 15:00

Today, I sent a question to a newspaper self-help column about how I often feel ignored. I quickly received a note telling me to not feel ignored, but due to the volume of questions, I would likely not receive a response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 920

You deserved it 333

By justletitbeover - 28/05/2011 12:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I got so stressed about my upcoming final exams that, in the silent section of the library, I had a panic attack and almost passed out. No one helped me. 3 people shushed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 294

You deserved it 9 559

By Anonymous - 12/04/2019 20:00

Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 355

By Sam - 01/02/2010 05:45 - United States

Today, my friend was showing me pictures of her and her family. I told her to stop at one of the pictures. I started laughing my back off and said that she looked grotesque. She asked me if I was serious, I swore that I was. It was actually a picture of her sister, who died 1 year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 414

You deserved it 52 151

Still pining

By Anonymous - 08/11/2020 11:03 - Austria - Innsbruck

Today, I had a meeting in the town where my ex-girlfriend works. After the meeting, I bought some ice cream and sat on a bench in a public place. She came across with her girlfriends laughing and obviously having fun. She only looked in my direction briefly. I threw the ice cream into the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 1 068

By Ugly - 08/03/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 438

You deserved it 10 015

By Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 995

You deserved it 7 195

By Anonymous - 22/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 744

You deserved it 4 778

Buffering

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 13:59

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend. After telling him how much I loved him, he asked me to marry him. When I said yes and started crying, he said he wasn't sure if he really wants to get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 70

By anonymous - 29/12/2009 01:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 123

You deserved it 5 025

By samgonzalessb - 14/12/2009 17:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 279

You deserved it 3 815

Thanks for your concern

By nothealthy - 29/03/2016 04:51 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my sister called after she found out I was hospitalized with surgery complications. Worried about me? Wondering if I'm okay? Nope. Just mad that I texted her an update rather than calling. I didn't call because I had surgery on my throat and can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 953

You deserved it 1 226

Chill

By FennFoxx - 21/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Cheraw

Today, I decided to take a relaxing bubble bath in my jacuzzi. I poured in the bubbles, turned on the jets, and got in. I realized too late that the jets had caused the bubbles to overflow and had made a huge mess in my bathroom. Relaxing, indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 059

You deserved it 1 822

By Anonymous - 16/09/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, after weeks of watching car after car of solo drivers go by in the carpool lane every day, I decided to join them. I'm the one who got pulled over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 926

You deserved it 35 136

By emily074 - 23/08/2015 03:13 - United States - Salem

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 107

You deserved it 11 869

Bootstraps

By thanks dad - 07/07/2021 07:01 - United States

Today, my dad paid for plane tickets for my brother’s girlfriend and her two kids so they could go to the family reunion on the other side of the country. He refused to buy my ticket though, because I "should’ve planned better." I lost my job due to Covid and used my savings to pay rent and bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 60

By Soverytired - 11/12/2014 13:29 - Australia

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 040

You deserved it 3 675

Awkward...

By Ohnowhy - 09/09/2018 18:30

Today, I moved in with my friend and her husband so we can be roommates during school. Today is also the day they decided to get a divorce. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 943

You deserved it 233

By bobby - 14/03/2010 03:17 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 600

You deserved it 3 480

By sadbride - 09/10/2018 13:30

Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I am severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 921

You deserved it 253

By Eyefreshener - 14/07/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 084

You deserved it 66 876

By Slaanesh - 12/12/2008 12:08 - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 019

You deserved it 38 862

Haters

By ForeverAFatty - 29/05/2021 20:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boyfriend invited me to swim at his house. I'm very obese, so I had some reservations about it, but he assured me it'd be alright. Instead, the whole time I was treated to his mother commenting on my weight umpteen times, and his brother calling me "Moby Dick" and throwing pool noodles at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 305

By Thanks Fred - 18/05/2019 00:05

Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 17:21 - United States

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 100

You deserved it 21 709

Mixing it up

By Kayleigh - 16/03/2021 21:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his dad's ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 76

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 03:51 - Australia

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 201

You deserved it 3 053

By Chels - 18/08/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, the ex I still have feelings for made a post on Facebook announcing her two month anniversary with her boyfriend. She broke up with me less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 839

You deserved it 3 096

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 09:22 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 272

You deserved it 5 809

By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 20:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 888

You deserved it 2 966

By unemployed - 10/07/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview, I went to cross my legs and realized I had 2 different shoes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 062

You deserved it 20 830

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xoxilovesoccerxo 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 18:55

humiliating moment for you .

starile 19

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:13

Hell, I've done that at my kid's school performance of The Little Mermaid-- the Jager-induced crooning is just how we show our little darlings how proud we are!

xoxilovesoccerxo 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 18:55

humiliating moment for you .

fakeaccountX 6

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:33

Her need to get drunk before your shows might tell you something about what she thinks of them.

iSitt 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 20:57

is it on YouTube yet?

KRYPTON1T3 5

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Monday 21 March 2011 3:44

yeah video or it didn't happen.

2bj1234 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 18:56

lmao nice...

bellaxmonkeyx_fml 8

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:02

Your mom just wanted you to be excited she came! Confiscate her vibrator before your shows if the screaming is distracting. (:

stronghand0331 17

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:04

So you are aware that she's normally like that, and the "drunk" story you tell people is for sympathy?

starile 19

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:13

Hell, I've done that at my kid's school performance of The Little Mermaid-- the Jager-induced crooning is just how we show our little darlings how proud we are!

brewedintexas96 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:14

and your proud of this because?

DocBastard 38

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:21

...because it was a joke, nitwit. You proved yourself nitwit-worthy not only by not catching on it was a joke but also by using the inappropriate "your". Now I await your best "This is FML not English class loser lololol" response.

bellaxmonkeyx_fml 8

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:21

His proud what? Learn the proper uses of your/you're and perhaps someone will tip back the Jager and serenade you for your mediocre accomplishments, as well.

Kesler_17 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:22

Lol, Doc. 6 is a fool.

Doortje 29

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:25

Owz doccie, your SO anoying, take teh dicktionary out of yo A$$ please. LOLOLLLOLOL.

BoyFromTheFuture 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:25

nice stash....

Bubblerider 3

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Friday 7 January 2011 6:48

12 please stfu. doc will be ruler of the world one day. :)

Doortje 29

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Friday 7 January 2011 8:14

#51, I know that, it's why I decided to respond to his request.

amyevalorraine 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 19:18

That sounds very painful! Sometimes you need to be assertive in those situations. There isn't anything to sue over either, it doesnt sound like malpractice, and usually judges throw out cases of pain and distress. I say suck it up princess. And ydi for not being more assertive.