Miscellaneous: Today, while I was showering, a dark object in the shower kept...

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, while I was showering, a dark object in the shower kept startling me. After about the fourth time jumping, I realized it was my shadow that was scaring me. I am actually literally afraid of my own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 966

You deserved it 30 036

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Late term

Telenovela FML

Kinky.

By Therapy needed urgently - 08/04/2018 19:00

Today, after I got fed up and told my bullying step-brother exactly what I thought of him, he became overly polite. He then admitted that me shouting at him was the most turned on he's ever been in his life. Now he loves me and wants to be my "submissive" boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 517

You deserved it 412

Keep out

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 13:57

Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 90

By Chrissy - 08/02/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 154

You deserved it 3 015

By groomfail - 02/03/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I was madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?". After seeing this, she locked herself in her room and cried for 4 hours exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I had invited my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 578

You deserved it 11 639

By iwannagotomiamitoo - 19/08/2013 04:30 - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 595

You deserved it 3 140

Loud fart

By naomi3271 - 18/11/2019 20:00

Today, I accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 818

You deserved it 619

Choosing Beggars

By Miserable person - 10/09/2019 18:00

Today, after spending 5+ hours of my life painting a portrait of someone's cat for them, I finally finished it, perfect condition, no mistakes. I was supposed to be paid 300 bucks for it. Got 50 bucks because it was too "vibrant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 05:16 - Canada

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 471

You deserved it 3 557

By whitneyy - 03/08/2009 12:04 - Australia

Today, I went to my grandfathers' funeral. As I stood there, bawling my eyes out, my aunt came over and put her arm around me. She leaned her head close to mine. I assumed she was going to say something comforting, instead she asked where I'd bought my shoes from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 073

You deserved it 3 259

By pikachu_43 - 21/03/2015 15:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 585

You deserved it 4 175

By Fuzy - 15/12/2008 03:24 - France

Today, my Art Director once again turned down a demo model (for an advertisement) that I'd been working on for a week. This time he took his belt off and started thrashing the model to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 428

You deserved it 2 342

By minty - 14/03/2015 03:52 - United States

Today, after days of being too sick to leave my house, I went to get some medicine. While picking out cough drops, an old man leaned over and said, "You smell quite delicious today". I haven't showered and the only "perfume" I'm wearing is VapoRub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 532

You deserved it 2 951

By SharkWeek - 27/10/2013 15:26 - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 603

You deserved it 5 766

Judgmental much?

By Steven - 03/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had 2 kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 228

By whatchagonnado - 24/03/2013 07:35 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 871

You deserved it 8 839

By me - 30/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 933

You deserved it 8 782

By chickennbenchpress - 31/05/2011 17:05 - Canada

Today, I was on my third date with a really hot girl. A guy walked by singing the Pokémon theme song. She started making fun of the guy, mocking his immaturity. I joined in order to keep the conversation going. Everything was going great but then my phone rang. It was the Pokémon theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 027

You deserved it 81 247

By nolongerengaged - 03/02/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 712

You deserved it 3 848

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 14:26 - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 530

You deserved it 3 990

By Anonymous - 09/02/2011 05:19 - Australia

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 071

You deserved it 6 416

By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 19:58 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 592

You deserved it 3 110

By Photos - 20/02/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, after I got home from school I went to my room to find the maid had cleaned it, also to find a bag labeled "trash" it was all the sketches and paintings I had done in art class, which is my major plan for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 652

You deserved it 4 677

Narcissus

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 17:00

Today, my friend isn't speaking to me since I came out to her. Not because she's a homophobe, but because she's mortally offended that I didn't confess my love in the process. Seems that everyone who's attracted to women should be attracted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 86

By Hairball - 10/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 531

You deserved it 3 148

By Anonymous - 03/05/2013 00:50 - United States - Acworth

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 873

You deserved it 10 067

By Lauren - 20/08/2012 03:53 - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 593

You deserved it 4 156

Nepotism rules

By InnocenceBlue - 01/08/2019 14:00

Today, the boss's arrogant son thought it necessary to demonstrate how to use a hole punch while explaining slowly how he wanted things punched. I have worked admin for years, and I'm the contracts admin, not his PA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 11/06/2016 05:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 368

You deserved it 1 699

By LadyLuck - 10/05/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses station, I heard them talking about the "bastard in Room 303." I went on to visit my husband in room 303. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 850

You deserved it 5 359

Caught

By fuck - 09/11/2013 23:30 - United States - Hubert

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 265

You deserved it 5 250

By bigcityfail - 07/05/2011 11:54 - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 736

You deserved it 3 284

Traitor!

By maricela - 14/05/2021 07:58

Today, I found out why my boyfriend didn’t want me to attend his graduation: because a classmate he’s been seeing was there. I watched through the livestream posted on the school website as they held hands, hugged and kissed. I motivated him to finish college in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 84

By soreloser - 20/05/2013 06:32 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 785

You deserved it 6 180

By xxxdwangelaxxx - 18/04/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 062

You deserved it 34 555

By nolove - 14/11/2012 10:36 - Australia

Today, the love of my life, and long term partner, sat me down and told me that he feels so comfortable in our relationship that he no longer feels the need to have sex with me, and he doesn't think that that will ever change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 420

You deserved it 3 639

By busted - 22/09/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering their questions about him, when my dad cut me off mid-sentence. He accused me of lying through my teeth, and said I'd based him off a character from a Harrison Ford movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 371

You deserved it 3 251

By itisthedude - 10/09/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I was walking with my very attractive friend who I like a lot. She then told me that her roomate wouldn't be home tonight, and if I wanted, I could come over and study history. I didn't get it. I told her no thanks, that I was covered, and it was chem I needed to study. An hour later, I understood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 790

You deserved it 76 501

By uhhggggg - 02/01/2010 17:16 - France

Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 443

You deserved it 4 296

By SLOMan90 - 26/01/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 276

You deserved it 3 762

Poor Despereaux

By Squeak - 06/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Bragg

Today, I baked a cake. After feeding it to my entire family, I opened the stove, planning to temporarily store the cake inside. I then noticed a mouse, burnt to a crisp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 435

You deserved it 767

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Top comments

padlarf 14

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 12:37

So you were startled by something, and you didn't know what is was, yet you continued showering instead of finding out?

SaintJimmy 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 12:42

Damn, six more weeks of winter.

padlarf 14

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 12:37

So you were startled by something, and you didn't know what is was, yet you continued showering instead of finding out?

MLB6 2

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 2:05

ok explain how u get shadows in a shower unless u showerr in the park right by your house naked.

AlexZB 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 23:17

"actually literally" enough with the adverbs!

blankaex 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 16:43

I know, right, 47? Actually, literally afraid? Too good to just be afraid?

SaintJimmy 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 12:42

Damn, six more weeks of winter.

kukopia 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 15:58

LOLERED!!

omghehehe 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 20:28

hahahahha

mon_e_mons 0

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Friday 30 October 2009 23:06

XD awesome.

iamseamonster 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 12:47

Are you relatively slow in mental development?

The_Advice_Guy 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 12:50

That's perfectly fine,however you can't let your shadow know that you're afraid or it will make you it's bitch.YOU TEACH THAT SHADOW WHO'S IN CHARGE!

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 12:54

"If there's something weird and it don't look good Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters! "

omghehehe 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 12:56

LMAO! Poor U :D

perdix 29

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 13:32

I'll bet you called the cops telling them a big, fat shadow is terrorizing you when you, in fact, have a perfectly shapely figure and cannot possibly can be casting such a shapeless, saggy silhouette.

HJB 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 17:55

Huh?

omghehehe 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 20:25

:D Ur funny!!!! hahahhaha (resp to perdix)

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 13:33

I believe this is known as "Peter Pan" syndrome.

willosh_fml 0

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 16:07

http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0geu8aSDOdKQ9AAkSVXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTByc2FtNTRpBHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDNgRjb2xvA2FjMgR2dGlkAw--/SIG=12r9d18pd/EXP=1256742418/**http%3a//www.evanbailyn.com/index.php/article/what_is_peter_pan_syndrome/ so its not peter pan syndrome im trying to figure out how it is called

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Tuesday 27 October 2009 17:34

I am impressed, willosh. Most people on the FML site would just tell me, "It's not Peter Pan syndrome. Go DIAF and say hi to Hilter for me!" without citing a reference.