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By lovethyneighbour - 04/08/2014 00:19 - Australia - Berowra

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 423

You deserved it 5 538

By Tee - 10/11/2009 02:20 - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 075

You deserved it 5 442

Get the message

By thelandofoz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said, "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 225

You deserved it 7 775

By never_ending_hangover - 30/09/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend out to meet my coworkers for the first time. I really wanted to impress them, and get them to think how cool we are to hang out with, since I am new to LA. Instead, my boyfriend threw up in my boss's sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 099

You deserved it 4 840

By arknvl - 07/03/2013 18:12 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 234

You deserved it 2 717

Gagging for it

By Noname - 28/01/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, it's the sixth anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 222

You deserved it 5 712

By smalltownkid - 01/03/2015 23:22 - United States - Houston

Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 478

You deserved it 2 996

By PO'd big bro - 13/01/2015 01:11 - United States - Toccoa

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 041

You deserved it 2 282

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 07:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 137

You deserved it 3 824

By Idontknowwhattodo - 27/08/2013 10:17 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though, the insurance will cover it. However, it won't cover all the items she damaged crashing into a garage sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 033

You deserved it 3 503

By Michelle - 06/12/2014 03:35 - United States - Abingdon

Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 767

You deserved it 3 028

By kenzieeeee - 30/12/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, I got stuck in a blizzard. My mother never picked me up like she was supposed to, and wasn't answering her phone. After walking around for a half hour, freezing, I finally found her. Where was she? Sitting in Pizza Hut, having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 639

You deserved it 2 372

Free kick

By steph - 01/06/2009 04:50 - Canada

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 343

You deserved it 38 298

By ktorih137 - 14/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I was dancing in the passenger seat of my car with my family when a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down for help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 517

You deserved it 13 522

By buckid310 - 03/11/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 047

You deserved it 2 667

Smooth, real smooth

By sonice - 18/08/2015 03:39 - United States - Duluth

Today, a guy asked me out on Facebook, then called me a conceited bitch when I said no. I don't know, dude; maybe it's just that I already have a boyfriend, that you asked me out on Facebook, and that you posted the same message on 4 other girls' walls as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 492

You deserved it 1 883

By sheyshey0413 - 13/06/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 077

You deserved it 6 942

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 22:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 661

You deserved it 2 803

Non refundable

By honeymooner - 28/03/2012 10:47 - South Africa - Braamfontein

Today, I received a coupon for a special offer including flights and accommodation for the honeymoon destination that my fiancé and I are keen on. Yesterday, I paid the full price for the flight tickets and hotel deposit for the honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 531

You deserved it 2 655

By girlymae - 27/02/2013 07:59 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 465

You deserved it 24 046

By Anonymous - 02/07/2016 04:17 - United States - Hayward

Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 149

You deserved it 3 826

My bad

By Jokkim - 20/06/2016 18:24 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 417

You deserved it 5 543

By Perplexed - 19/01/2013 13:14 - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, someone broke into my car by smashing the driver's side window. I'd be less irritated if they had just used the door handle; the lock has been broken for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 216

You deserved it 3 481

CONFESS!

By daughter of a gullible cunt - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 322

You deserved it 2 768

By Anonymous - 30/05/2016 02:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at church singing and my solo came up. As I walked through the crowd, this big woman caught the holy spirit and slapped the crap out of me. It was so hard, my fake tooth came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 298

You deserved it 1 469

By Anonymous - 16/04/2015 02:41 - Australia

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 805

You deserved it 3 146

By Nick - 03/12/2012 04:03 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 254

You deserved it 3 434

Thanks Raymond

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 05:13 - United States - Boise

Today, my cat brought home a bloody, barely-living mouse. The thing managed to escape and dragged itself into a crack in the wall, where it must have died. The only way to get it out before it starts to stink up the place is by demolishing the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 869

You deserved it 1 704

By Anonymous - 09/12/2014 21:14 - United States - Margate City

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 622

You deserved it 3 153

Waiting room issues

By Anonymous - 04/11/2014 19:08 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 497

You deserved it 7 611

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The Top

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 303

You deserved it 6 131

Today, before I went into surgery, the patient next to me just finished the same procedure I was going to get. As he woke up in the recovery area 10 feet away, I was getting my final prep before the operation. On my way into the operating room I was comforted by his screams of agonizing pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 406

You deserved it 1 850

Today, at work, our team started a new sales strategy of selling flowers to men by asking them to buy one for their lovely ladies. The first guy I ask ends up crying and telling me his wife passed away a week ago. The woman with him was actually his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 621

You deserved it 5 183

Today, I stupidly liked a post on my ex's social media account from three years ago. They then texted me immediately to ask why I was stalking them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 1 035

Today, I saw my old high school crush in a grocery store. I panicked, because the last time I saw her, I was spouting embarrassing teenage incel horseshit at her, so I dodged out of view to look at something. She'd seen me, came over, and found me awkwardly crouched in the vegetable section, staring at a cucumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 616

Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a specific restaurant in able to stalk his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 354

You deserved it 160