The Top

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By notattractiveatall - 15/10/2012 22:09 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, two girls came up to me on the street and asked if they could take a photo with me for their high school scavenger hunt, because they needed a picture with a stranger. One of the girls shook her head and said to the other, "It needs to be an attractive stranger" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 792

You deserved it 1 779

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 17:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 102

You deserved it 2 851

By latepayer - 13/10/2009 15:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 901

You deserved it 4 059

Grandma rocks!

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 21:38 - Slovenia - Domzale

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 516

You deserved it 5 221

It's my new look

By Fenny - 27/02/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 441

You deserved it 74 731

Freaky

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 20:24 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 419

You deserved it 3 193

Rained on

By smellyhand - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 942

You deserved it 34 484

By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 348

You deserved it 4 142

By romancocks - 09/05/2014 20:31 - United States - Palatka

Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 315

You deserved it 5 799

By anonymous - 07/05/2014 23:06 - United States

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 036

You deserved it 5 722

By Anonymous - 26/03/2013 14:22 - United States - Audubon

Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 946

You deserved it 3 991

By forever single, I guess - 15/03/2013 22:43 - United States

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 778

You deserved it 3 439

Curiosity

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my backyard, dug up my one month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 691

You deserved it 3 494

By Abandoned - 09/03/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 855

You deserved it 13 536

Priorities

By sunlightchild_14 - 13/09/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of 2 years that I was pregnant. His response? "That's neat. But we can still have sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 350

You deserved it 5 118

Don't bother

By NoticeTheLackOfNumbers - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 072

You deserved it 3 324

By UnknownKitten - 03/05/2016 03:07 - United States - Elgin

Today, I returned home after a long day of work. I noticed that my kitten had gotten a hold of my pin cushion, and that there were no needles left in it. My husband and I have only managed to find one, out of 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 255

You deserved it 2 059

By rhiannakirwan - 17/04/2016 18:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 644

You deserved it 7 343

Get Back

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 632

You deserved it 2 429

Potholing

By limpdick9 - 19/11/2014 18:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because, "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 520

You deserved it 7 197

By ellebelle - 15/11/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, I had to purchase a new flat screen TV for the bar I work at. Last night I was dared to break an ashtray against the wall. I completely missed the wall and smashed the screen of the new TV they bought last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 641

You deserved it 48 073

By Stan - 29/08/2011 21:19 - United States

Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 770

You deserved it 9 613

By dining - 01/09/2014 01:56 - United States - Grinnell

Today, at my dining job, my boss told me the food was "technically illegal to serve," air quotes and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 033

You deserved it 2 935

By badtasteinmen - 15/10/2015 18:19 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 441

You deserved it 1 862

By Jersey girl - 08/12/2016 07:58 - United States - Miami

Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 611

You deserved it 741

By Anonymous - 19/06/2014 08:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I shouldn't have told my boss that I was interested in management. She now throws any problem she doesn't want to solve at me and either gets mad when I can't work it out or takes credit when I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 430

You deserved it 6 650

By GreatParenting - 26/07/2015 22:47 - United States - Nampa

Today, I had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Even though they know I don't have any money, let alone shoes on my feet, my parents have decided it's far too much trouble to come pick me up because we're on vacation and they want to have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 176

You deserved it 1 968

Moment of truth

By anonymous - 23/03/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it, a solo came on, and i turned to her and said, "This is the worst fucking solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 900

You deserved it 86 500

By Anonymous - 28/02/2013 07:19 - United States - Portland

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 511

You deserved it 14 224

By pauper - 09/02/2012 01:20

Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 305

You deserved it 8 784

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The Top

Today, my 5-year-old decided that it would be a great idea to try to paint her nails in secret. As a result, I now get to learn how to remove copious amounts of dark nail polish from a wide variety of materials, including my apartment's 1/2-inch thick shag rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 832

You deserved it 5 022

Today, I muted the TV just in time to hear my mom yell at my dad about how their sex life is "non-existent". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 689

You deserved it 4 738

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 959

You deserved it 7 642

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 732

You deserved it 4 117

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 467

You deserved it 2 997

Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 896

You deserved it 6 428