Transportation: Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car... - FML

By NonBelieber - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

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Rock and a hard place

By Morgan - United States

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

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By nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares - United States - Allen

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

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By Emily - Australia

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a bunch of friends over for a party. My mom came stumbling into my room, crying about how she was officially menopausal, and that I was going to "die an only child." FML

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By Hoover

Today, my parents brought me to the doctor because I was faking a headache. One thing led to another, and it turns out I have a tumor pressing against my spine. FML

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By ohray - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

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By silentsuzie - United States

Today, I realized I can never live with my fiancée. A childhood of systematic teasing, abuse, and humiliation has made me terrified to use a bathroom around a guy if there's the slightest chance I can be heard, seen, or even have anyone know what I'm up to. Therapy has yet to fix anything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out that the $200 I reluctantly gave to my mother so she could rent a house was paid to a scammer. Now she wants to live with me, in my one bedroom apartment. FML

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By Jules - 9/12/2020 08:02 - Germany - Norden

Uncomfortable

Today, while many women have a wardrobe full of nothing-to-wear, my mom has a fridge full of nothing-to-eat and a living room full of nowhere-to-sit. FML

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By ruhrohraggy

Today, I got a haircut. I wanted three inches cut off. When the lady finished, she had cut off everything but three inches of my hair. FML

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By Anonyme - Switzerland

Today, my girlfriend bought several packs of bottled water, even though we have pure mountain water on tap. She did this because the pile-up of unwashed dishes in the sink makes it virtually impossible to slide a glass under the tap. FML

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By Rhianna - Australia

What a massive clock

Today, I was babysitting my younger brother while my parents were away. I turned my back on my brother for one minute and then I heard a huge crash from their room. He had somehow destroyed a family heirloom and 200 year-old clock. FML

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By Master Debater - Australia

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

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By adc2502

That was short-lived.

Today, after getting my first debit card, I spent £60 on porn online. My mum made me print off a statement at the ATM as she wanted to know where my money had gone. She saw everything and cut up my card. FML

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By Handblocked

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor appointment in the morning. FML

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By Kara - United States

Today, my downstairs neighbor had a home birth. Not only did I hear eighteen hours of uninterrupted screaming, they called me afterwards, asking if I could come over to help them clean up. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

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By Brilee Bruxvoort - 31/5/2020 23:00

Don't give up

Today, after finally putting my foot down and trying to kick my husband out for his alcoholism, I got a lecture from his parents about how much of a piece of shit I am for "giving up" on their son. I've been trying to get him to get help for the past three years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I needed to buy Vagisil. I went to the grocery store so I could use the self check-out. My item rung up incorrectly, so a girl came to help. She was new and having trouble, so she called more people to help. I ended up having five people around me talking about my Vagisil purchase. FML

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By ThatCery - United Kingdom

Today, I rang my dad to tell him and my half-sister that I'm finally engaged. I then asked my half-sister to tell my stepmother. Still on speaker, I heard her run upstairs and pass the good news on. My stepmother responded with 'Cery who?', followed by 'So what? I can't stand her'. I'm Cery. FML

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By xharuki - United States

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - "You're finally a man!" To bad it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a girl. FML

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By haleyfml - United States

Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML

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By Bambusmaster

Sobering.

Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of 1 year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 11:02

Clean break

Today, I'd taken this girl I'd recently met through Facebook dating to my family cabin. Apparently, her hygiene wasn't that great, because she didn't shower all weekend. The entire 4-hour ride back to her house was miserable, as every time she opened up her legs it smelled like a dead rat. I'm still mortified. FML

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By Kyle - 19/4/2021 20:00 - United States - Westborough

Fundies and the truth

Today, I was told by both my parents that I was going to hell and had a “terrorist mentality” because I said our archdiocese deserves to go bankrupt from all their abuse cases. FML

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By DisappointedDaughter

Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined since I let her move in with me a year ago. So far, the list contains a Christmas tree, my power drill, a toaster oven, inherited kitchen knives, an expensive bath towel set, multiple kitchen gadgets, a flatbed scanner and a laser printer. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML

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By ellebelle - United States

Today, I had to purchase a new flat screen TV for the bar I work at. Last night I was dared to break an ashtray against the wall. I completely missed the wall and smashed the screen of the new TV they bought last month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

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By Annette - 27/11/2020 23:01

Smart criminals

Today, I came out to find my truck window broken. They broke into my truck to yank out the stereo. It was unlocked the whole time. FML

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By ugh - United States

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

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By Flipside - United States

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

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By StepFather - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my step-daughter, who is 29, still living at home and planning her wedding 2 years from now and who I've completely supported since marrying her mother 16 years ago, wants her cousin to walk her down the aisle and not me. FML

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By pabj208 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me during what was supposed to be a romantic getaway at a remote log cabin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

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Top comments

By MissWhitneyB | 17

#5679039 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:07

Laugh it out and start putting stickers on his car bumper. Show him how funny it really is :)

By Narutosuns2fan | 12

#5679044 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:09

Put one direction stickers on his car.

COMMENTS

By MissWhitneyB | 17

#5679039 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:07

Laugh it out and start putting stickers on his car bumper. Show him how funny it really is :)

Reply

jw90 | 18

#5679057 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:14

We just need to determine what kind of stickers would embarrass him more than Justin Bieber. Hello Kitty? Or My Little Pony?

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#5679099 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 13:06

A rainbow sticker

Reply

dianafuentes | 17

#5679151 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 14:20

Do they make The Wanted stickers? if not do a variety!

Reply

ghil15 | 8

#5679157 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 14:27

i guesss i love justin bieber will be more enough lol

Reply

zomgbies | 17

#5679191 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 15:12

Cover his entire car in Miley Cyrus stickers. He wants to start a war, drop a nuke.

Reply

queerdragon | 20

#5679540 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 20:11

I had a friend pull this prank on me, except the covered my real bumper stickers with her political and religious church stickers.

I found "I love anal" stickers online and put ten of them on her car.

The war stopped.

Reply

MortenM | 17

#5679769 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 23:41

good stuff. if that's the worst that happens in a month, u should do pretty good

Reply

girlbye23 | 15

#5679894 - Thursday 19 September 2013 1:20

Two words: one direction

Reply

TheImaginarySong | 16

#5680421 - Thursday 19 September 2013 14:14

#39 That's genius! And evil...but genius!

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#5710773 - Thursday 10 October 2013 8:16

Op could get one of those car window chalk things and write #TEAMJACOB on her dads car.

Reply

Thatgirl299 | 15

#5851896 - Saturday 8 February 2014 10:30

#10, Mlp isn't embarrassing.

By Bano360 | 25

#5679041 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:08

At least your dad seems fun.

Reply

hghrider123456 | 9

#5679089 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:46

Sing "daddy daddy daddy noooooo"

By DickSniffer | 13

#5679042 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:08

That sucks

Reply

efettes | 19

#5679383 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 18:09

Not if you get a sense of humor :)

By purebliss_fml | 19

#5679043 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:08

Burn your car?

Reply

Bano360 | 25

#5679049 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:11

Kill it, kill it with fire.

Reply

rememberkids | 14

#5679400 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 18:31

I am thankful TransLink has never put Bieber ads on their fleet

By Narutosuns2fan | 12

#5679044 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:09

Put one direction stickers on his car.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5679061 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:16

#5, my car only goes one direction! When I get some money, I'm going to get the reverse gear fixed.

I didn't know they made stickers for that!

By perdix | 29

#5679047 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:10

Put Obama and Nancy Pelosi stickers all over his car. That ought to be hilarious in Alabama.

Reply

Mega07 | 6

#5679983 - Thursday 19 September 2013 2:47

and a good way to get it set on fire

By sicksadworld1317 | 30

#5679051 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:11

Hire an artist to paint a Justin Beiber mural on his car. It will be costly, but sometimes the pleasure of sweet revenge trumps the consequences. This just may be one of those times.

Reply

Ozzien | 26

#5679067 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:18

I agree. Let's have a kickstarter.

By Ozzien | 26

#5679060 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:15

"No dad, I don't know who put the Justin Bieber stickers in the blender, lit them on fire, and shot them up in a toy rocket. Must have been the neighbors."

By perdix | 29

#5679066 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:17

#9, Please be the stickers of her twerking that pale, shapeless ass!

By catkat1988 | 17

#5679079 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:35

Take his stickers when he's out and decorate his car with them... That has to be the solution. Or, as someone else suggested, get some Miley Cyrus stickers...