Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car... - FML

By NonBelieber - 18/9/2013 04:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

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Big baby man

Crowded House

Fear factor

By anon - 1/7/2011 19:22 - United States

Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2019 18:00

No feeling - Just conversation

Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2013 22:53 - United States

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2013 04:02 - United States - Escalon

Today, my insane war veteran great-uncle punched me in the throat for not laughing hard enough at his stupid joke. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2011 02:54 - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

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By H8TR - 26/8/2010 13:32 - United States

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

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By theholt - 1/3/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2015 07:20 - United States

Today, the man of my dreams turned out to be the worst kisser I've ever encountered. I now have a huge hickey on my chin to remember the experience by. FML

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By BloodyNoseMcgee - 11/10/2018 15:30

Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML

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By getmoneyab - 30/5/2009 06:42 - Mexico

Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

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By Mexican - 19/6/2016 03:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They finally gave in. After they handed me my diploma, they decided to leave because it was "too boring." I'm currently sitting on the curb of the street waiting for my Uber, while people take pictures of me. FML

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By locked out - 27/11/2017 18:30 - United States - Marion

Today, I called a locksmith to unlock my car. He got it unlocked, but broke the handle so the door wouldn’t open. We had to break a window to get in. He still charged me his usual fee. FML

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By Around - 23/5/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

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By ignored - 28/9/2019 00:01 - Canada

Wait here

Today, I showed up on time for a job interview. After waiting for about three hours, I was informed that the manager had "better things to do" than interview me. FML

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By Nnn - 11/7/2019 12:00

Today, my coworker came to my desk, so I greeted him with a smile, and said, "Hello friend." He then told me that we are not friends, and that he hates when I say that. Oh, OK, sorry for trying to be nice. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 14:37 - United States

Today, when I got home from work, my fiancé was finishing up with the plumber who had just installed new fixtures for our shower. I decided that I was going to be the first to break it in. I went to the bathroom, got undressed and went to start the water. The OTHER plumber was still in there. FML

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By Pokerking98 - 16/5/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, while biking I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

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By Gross - 21/7/2013 23:20 - United States - Houston

Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2009 17:47 - Canada

Today, while going up a ski-lift I accidentally dropped my ticket. The ticket I needed at the top to come back down. I had to hike down the mountain in flip-flops. FML

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By Ryoichi - 17/9/2015 11:13 - Germany

Today, it was my dad's retirement. He is traditional Japanese, so I had custom-ordered a samurai sword from a traditional Japanese blacksmith with dad's name engraved on the blade in kanji script. He loved it, right up til my drunk cousin tried to use it to cut down a tree and snapped it in two. FML

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By FuckYou - 2/7/2012 06:07 - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

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By Disappointed - 4/10/2014 03:08

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

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By gayboii - 19/3/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

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By GamerTag - 2/10/2012 13:11 - United States - Wantagh

Today, I realized I might lose my job because some asshole customer complained about me to my district manager. His complaint? Girls can't work at video game stores. My DM agreed. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2019 22:00

Check out Mr. Moneybags over here!

Today, I found out that my wife has been getting rid of every single item of clothing I didn’t compliment her on. This has probably cost me thousands already. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2013 17:16 - United States - Surprise

Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML

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By tiredInMD - 12/7/2017 18:39 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after retyping a 22-page report for work because the orginal had gone missing, i realized I had used a different laptop the first time. I now have 2 copies of the same report, both of which are late. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2016 07:49 - United States - La Mesa

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

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By LonelyAngel22 - 24/11/2016 08:10

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

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By library book - 10/7/2014 05:27 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I went to the public library for the first time ever. The librarian told me I couldn't get a library card because I had an outstanding balance of $130.00 from 1995. I was born in 1991. FML

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By anonymous - 19/2/2011 13:12 - United States

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

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By :/ - 4/2/2013 00:26 - Netherlands - Nijkerk

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

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By Maryanne Swain - 12/8/2019 14:00

Today, after I've been sick all week, but still coming in to work (I'm not contagious) because I know that we're short staffed, I sucked it up and came in again, only to find out 3 other employees called in because they're hungover. Now I have to do my job and theirs. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2015 04:02 - United States - Portland

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 21:40 - United States - Blain

Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML

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By nicknack22 - 1/2/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

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By cheap - 18/6/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

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By CouldBeALoser - 17/9/2016 18:26 - United States - West Tehama County

Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 09:03 - Australia

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

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By Idiot - 22/8/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML

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Top comments

By MissWhitneyB | 17

#5679039 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:07

Laugh it out and start putting stickers on his car bumper. Show him how funny it really is :)

By Narutosuns2fan | 12

#5679044 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:09

Put one direction stickers on his car.

Comments

By MissWhitneyB | 17

#5679039 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:07

Laugh it out and start putting stickers on his car bumper. Show him how funny it really is :)

Reply

jw90 | 18

#5679057 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:14

We just need to determine what kind of stickers would embarrass him more than Justin Bieber. Hello Kitty? Or My Little Pony?

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#5679099 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 13:06

A rainbow sticker

Reply

dianafuentes | 17

#5679151 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 14:20

Do they make The Wanted stickers? if not do a variety!

Reply

ghil15 | 8

#5679157 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 14:27

i guesss i love justin bieber will be more enough lol

Reply

zomgbies | 17

#5679191 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 15:12

Cover his entire car in Miley Cyrus stickers. He wants to start a war, drop a nuke.

Reply

queerdragon | 20

#5679540 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 20:11

I had a friend pull this prank on me, except the covered my real bumper stickers with her political and religious church stickers.

I found "I love anal" stickers online and put ten of them on her car.

The war stopped.

Reply

MortenM | 17

#5679769 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 23:41

good stuff. if that's the worst that happens in a month, u should do pretty good

Reply

girlbye23 | 15

#5679894 - Thursday 19 September 2013 1:20

Two words: one direction

Reply

TheImaginarySong | 16

#5680421 - Thursday 19 September 2013 14:14

#39 That's genius! And evil...but genius!

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#5710773 - Thursday 10 October 2013 8:16

Op could get one of those car window chalk things and write #TEAMJACOB on her dads car.

Reply

Thatgirl299 | 15

#5851896 - Saturday 8 February 2014 10:30

#10, Mlp isn't embarrassing.

By Bano360 | 25

#5679041 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:08

At least your dad seems fun.

Reply

hghrider123456 | 9

#5679089 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:46

Sing "daddy daddy daddy noooooo"

By DickSniffer | 13

#5679042 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:08

That sucks

Reply

efettes | 19

#5679383 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 18:09

Not if you get a sense of humor :)

By purebliss_fml | 19

#5679043 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:08

Burn your car?

Reply

Bano360 | 25

#5679049 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:11

Kill it, kill it with fire.

Reply

rememberkids | 14

#5679400 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 18:31

I am thankful TransLink has never put Bieber ads on their fleet

By Narutosuns2fan | 12

#5679044 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:09

Put one direction stickers on his car.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5679061 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:16

#5, my car only goes one direction! When I get some money, I'm going to get the reverse gear fixed.

I didn't know they made stickers for that!

By perdix | 29

#5679047 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:10

Put Obama and Nancy Pelosi stickers all over his car. That ought to be hilarious in Alabama.

Reply

Mega07 | 6

#5679983 - Thursday 19 September 2013 2:47

and a good way to get it set on fire

By sicksadworld1317 | 30

#5679051 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:11

Hire an artist to paint a Justin Beiber mural on his car. It will be costly, but sometimes the pleasure of sweet revenge trumps the consequences. This just may be one of those times.

Reply

Ozzien | 26

#5679067 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:18

I agree. Let's have a kickstarter.

By Ozzien | 26

#5679060 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:15

"No dad, I don't know who put the Justin Bieber stickers in the blender, lit them on fire, and shot them up in a toy rocket. Must have been the neighbors."

By perdix | 29

#5679066 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:17

#9, Please be the stickers of her twerking that pale, shapeless ass!

By catkat1988 | 17

#5679079 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:35

Take his stickers when he's out and decorate his car with them... That has to be the solution. Or, as someone else suggested, get some Miley Cyrus stickers...