Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car... - FML

By NonBelieber - 18/9/2013 04:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

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Tense

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Ungrateful

By adsfkerfmpo - 30/7/2009 08:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I made a date to try to save our relationship. I sat in his room for hours while he watched YouTube videos of World of Warcraft. FML

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By lambxox - 8/11/2010 09:04 - United States

Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML

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By oh dear - 25/10/2009 09:06 - France

Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2012 03:33 - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

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By Jim - 9/10/2017 13:00

Today, I was walking to the bus for my first day at my new school. I tripped in the darkness and split my chin open and broke my arm. FML

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By smyp - 27/8/2015 08:23 - Lithuania

Today, I was going down the elevator in my dorm and a friend joined on another floor. He then thought it was a good time to tell me that he slept with my girlfriend when the elevator got stuck. Worst 40 minutes of my life. FML

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By lemonchips - 12/10/2015 21:28 - Norway

Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML

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By da man - 11/2/2009 11:38 - Canada

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2016 14:19 - United States - Abington

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

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By Raset24 - 30/6/2016 17:40

Today, it was my last day at my job. My team made a little party for me so they could wish me well and say goodbye, but when it came time for my manager to give a little speech, she couldn't even remember my name. I've been working there for two years. FML

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By anon - 13/1/2014 01:53 - United States - Bullhead City

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

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By spekledworf - 5/8/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

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By Andrew - 24/9/2010 10:22 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

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By hannieannie - 9/2/2016 21:51 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2011 00:17 - Ireland

Today, I heard that one of our customers had passed away. Saddened, I told everyone who came into our shop about his death. Understandably, some customers got very upset and one even fainted. Suddenly, the 'dead' man walked into the shop. Turns out I got the name wrong. FML

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By Hate2Date - 5/4/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 21:27 - Canada

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

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By down1dog - 26/7/2020 20:01

RIP in peace

Today, while out of town, I got a hysterical phone call from my teenage nephew who was pet-sitting at my house. My geriatric dog, who seemed fine when we left, had died during the night. Now my family is mourning the dog and my nephew is traumatized. FML

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By Redhead - 22/8/2018 06:00

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

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By MisterT - 19/5/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

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By Were do we go... - 15/4/2012 04:24 - United States

Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me: my boobs. FML

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By SleeplessinNJ - 20/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Raritan

Kick the bum out

Today, after spending money on all the furniture and decor in our apartment, paying rent every month from my bank account, paying for all the groceries, and paying for all the dog supplies, my fiance asked why I don't keep saving thousands of dollars every month, while he pays for none of it. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2012 15:14 - United States

Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML

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By Jason McGinnis - 22/9/2020 16:51 - Canada - Brampton

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Today, just like every other day, my company is so dysfunctional that local food chains require us to pay cash up front for our catering, because we routinely take 6 months or more to pay for a chicken sandwich. FML

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By Dante - 30/11/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I got the repair estimate for my car. It is going to cost me $3,000 to rebuild the front end. It was wrecked because a couple decided to have a lovers spat in the middle of the freeway. I had that car for exactly four hours. FML

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By RyoKioKio - 30/5/2017 20:00

Today, just like every day for the past two weeks, my mother has told me just how much she doesn't want me to move out. I, once again, have had to remind her that she isn't the one I'm trying to get away from. I'm not a fan of being repeatedly smacked with a coffee mug by my 78-year-old grandma. FML

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By Badhusky - 29/8/2018 20:30

Today, I had to carry the dead weight of my 90-pound husky upstairs to the bath because he hates it. He cried the entire time, loudly. He then rolled in the dirt when I let him outside to pee not even an hour later. FML

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By Mom - 11/6/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

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By mandosfriend - 23/10/2016 17:15 - United States - Pomona

Today, I got yelled at by a man for not opening my store 10-15 minutes before the scheduled opening time, which made his 84-year-old wife shit her pants waiting to get in. It didn't matter when I explained I had no way to know she needed to use the restroom. FML

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By Hakimstah - 21/4/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

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By zitgirl - 14/2/2012 14:14 - United States

Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2011 11:44 - United States

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

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By birchbeer - 11/5/2015 19:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

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By batman - 4/7/2020 02:02

How do magnets work?

Today, I found out I was qualified to go to a magnet school. My mom threw the papers away, claiming she thinks I shouldn't be with "rich and snobby" people. She grew up as a rich snob and has a fortune waiting for her when her parents die, and she brags about it. FML

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By BrandNewLemon - 15/8/2015 02:09 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I financed my first car. I also made my first call to AAA when it broke down. It barely had any miles on it and I wasn't even home yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2010 05:21 - United States

Yikes!

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

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By misc - 13/9/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

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By Order of the Dangling Testicles - 28/1/2014 20:28 - United States - Astoria

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

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Top comments

By MissWhitneyB | 17

#5679039 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:07

Laugh it out and start putting stickers on his car bumper. Show him how funny it really is :)

By Narutosuns2fan | 12

#5679044 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:09

Put one direction stickers on his car.

COMMENTS

By MissWhitneyB | 17

#5679039 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:07

Laugh it out and start putting stickers on his car bumper. Show him how funny it really is :)

Reply

jw90 | 18

#5679057 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:14

We just need to determine what kind of stickers would embarrass him more than Justin Bieber. Hello Kitty? Or My Little Pony?

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#5679099 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 13:06

A rainbow sticker

Reply

dianafuentes | 17

#5679151 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 14:20

Do they make The Wanted stickers? if not do a variety!

Reply

ghil15 | 8

#5679157 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 14:27

i guesss i love justin bieber will be more enough lol

Reply

zomgbies | 17

#5679191 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 15:12

Cover his entire car in Miley Cyrus stickers. He wants to start a war, drop a nuke.

Reply

queerdragon | 20

#5679540 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 20:11

I had a friend pull this prank on me, except the covered my real bumper stickers with her political and religious church stickers.

I found "I love anal" stickers online and put ten of them on her car.

The war stopped.

Reply

MortenM | 17

#5679769 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 23:41

good stuff. if that's the worst that happens in a month, u should do pretty good

Reply

girlbye23 | 15

#5679894 - Thursday 19 September 2013 1:20

Two words: one direction

Reply

TheImaginarySong | 16

#5680421 - Thursday 19 September 2013 14:14

#39 That's genius! And evil...but genius!

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#5710773 - Thursday 10 October 2013 8:16

Op could get one of those car window chalk things and write #TEAMJACOB on her dads car.

Reply

Thatgirl299 | 15

#5851896 - Saturday 8 February 2014 10:30

#10, Mlp isn't embarrassing.

By Bano360 | 25

#5679041 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:08

At least your dad seems fun.

Reply

hghrider123456 | 9

#5679089 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:46

Sing "daddy daddy daddy noooooo"

By DickSniffer | 13

#5679042 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:08

That sucks

Reply

efettes | 19

#5679383 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 18:09

Not if you get a sense of humor :)

By purebliss_fml | 19

#5679043 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:08

Burn your car?

Reply

Bano360 | 25

#5679049 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:11

Kill it, kill it with fire.

Reply

rememberkids | 14

#5679400 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 18:31

I am thankful TransLink has never put Bieber ads on their fleet

By Narutosuns2fan | 12

#5679044 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:09

Put one direction stickers on his car.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5679061 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:16

#5, my car only goes one direction! When I get some money, I'm going to get the reverse gear fixed.

I didn't know they made stickers for that!

By perdix | 29

#5679047 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:10

Put Obama and Nancy Pelosi stickers all over his car. That ought to be hilarious in Alabama.

Reply

Mega07 | 6

#5679983 - Thursday 19 September 2013 2:47

and a good way to get it set on fire

By sicksadworld1317 | 30

#5679051 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:11

Hire an artist to paint a Justin Beiber mural on his car. It will be costly, but sometimes the pleasure of sweet revenge trumps the consequences. This just may be one of those times.

Reply

Ozzien | 26

#5679067 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:18

I agree. Let's have a kickstarter.

By Ozzien | 26

#5679060 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:15

"No dad, I don't know who put the Justin Bieber stickers in the blender, lit them on fire, and shot them up in a toy rocket. Must have been the neighbors."

By perdix | 29

#5679066 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:17

#9, Please be the stickers of her twerking that pale, shapeless ass!

By catkat1988 | 17

#5679079 - Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:35

Take his stickers when he's out and decorate his car with them... That has to be the solution. Or, as someone else suggested, get some Miley Cyrus stickers...