Love: Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 9

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 742

12/03/2015 03:19

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 570

You deserved it 2 888

Sorry…

Best teeth in the game

Still pining

24/04/2018 03:44

Today, while working at a restaurant, I told an old couple their “vibrator will go off when a table is available”. I meant to say pager. They walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 844

You deserved it 972

25/09/2012 07:08

Today, I had to pay my manager $10 just to take my stalker's order so I didn't have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 880

You deserved it 2 382

29/08/2018 03:30

Today, I got absolutely hammered and noticed this familiar-looking chick. I walked up to her and said, "Oh my god, I know I know you but I don't know where from." Looking annoyed, she replied, "We've worked together for months." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 2 728

Classic

By notacreeper - 16/09/2021 17:52

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was, "Does she know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 765

You deserved it 5 389

19/02/2013 17:13

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 812

You deserved it 2 597

23/02/2009 21:58

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 330

You deserved it 41 763

02/07/2009 20:37

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 098

You deserved it 9 157

03/02/2009 22:38

Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me in what I thought was a sexy skintight dress. He responded by saying "it's ok, I went through a pudgy stage too". The picture was from Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 564

You deserved it 4 244

08/02/2015 08:35

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 991

You deserved it 3 659

09/09/2012 21:38

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 209

You deserved it 2 387

11/10/2013 22:00

Today, I got into a fistfight with a complete idiot wearing a panda outfit. My face now looks like a real panda's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 445

You deserved it 17 580

11/11/2009 00:10

Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 065

You deserved it 39 493

19/05/2010 05:05

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 261

You deserved it 3 172

15/09/2009 12:16

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 606

You deserved it 54 947

02/04/2018 19:00

Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 047

You deserved it 304

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 03:59

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 102

20/03/2014 02:43

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life. He now watches Sons Of Anarchy when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 107

You deserved it 6 953

Targeted

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 10:01

Today, the neighbor's dog has been barking for over 5 hours. It is barking directly at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 88

09/03/2010 02:24

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 790

You deserved it 4 924

14/02/2018 08:30

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 7 months to come over on Valentine's Day so I can cook dinner for him. He asked if he could invite his wife over as well. Guess who's newly single right before Valentine's Day! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 460

You deserved it 559

01/04/2013 11:57

Spicy

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 623

You deserved it 6 713

22/09/2010 12:11

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 3 978

02/12/2010 08:11

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 653

You deserved it 2 953

High school drama

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 03:31

Today, the guy I have been going out with for six months cheated on me with the only girl I hate the most in the world. That girl ruined my previous relationship too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 65

24/12/2015 16:06

Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 760

You deserved it 1 806

Well shit.

By Wells Fargo Worker - 18/05/2018 19:00

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 332

You deserved it 221

28/01/2009 15:00

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a moderator. Instead, I got banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 037

You deserved it 32 142

20/08/2009 12:45

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 513

You deserved it 3 065

23/02/2009 13:14

Spicy

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 967

You deserved it 23 386

Home Improvement

By coius - 29/11/2020 01:03

Today, our washing machine broke and dumped around 100 gallons onto the floor. My dad had installed crappy water valves and we couldn’t turn off the water. I called my dad and he accused me of lying. His “repairs” have now caused 5 major disasters in our home due to his shoddy and cheap work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 252

08/07/2016 06:00

Today, it has been my lifelong dream to work with animals. My dream sorta came true. I now work at the slaughterhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 170

You deserved it 1 987

Major red flag

By Karissa - 24/08/2021 10:01

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 129

22/01/2012 18:06

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 538

You deserved it 4 083

23/08/2015 17:42

Today, I decided to upgrade to Windows 10. I wanted to keep my old files on the current hard drive, I clicked on the keep old files option. Thanks to Windows, I lost everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 713

You deserved it 5 685

What's your emergency?

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 23:00

Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 273

ur mom gay

By Anonymous - 02/05/2018 01:30

Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 217

You deserved it 680

09/04/2015 20:24

Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 938

You deserved it 5 437

23/05/2016 10:49

Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 123

You deserved it 1 242

08/10/2012 18:36

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 916

You deserved it 2 525

20/10/2009 01:10

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 921

You deserved it 36 731

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Top comments

Peacelove0404 26

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:34

Well now you know that he isn't your right person either. Don't give up hope OP :)

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:48

Better to find out now then after putting a lot of effort into it first. Good luck OP you will be fine.

Comments

Peacelove0404 26

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:34

Well now you know that he isn't your right person either. Don't give up hope OP :)

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Thursday 12 March 2015 13:40

OP, maybe you should tell him what he should stick! Best luck and happy hunting for your dream person :)

cryssycakesx3 22

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Thursday 12 March 2015 17:36

however, I think if its a first date, up to say the 4th, it's an acceptable question. what'll he say? "oh thank god I can delete my profile now...."

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:35

Sounds like a first and last date. Hope you'll find your prince Charming somewhere OP

colton_colton 49

Thursday 12 March 2015 11:36

You'll find your perfect match! Don't worry about one online guy OP

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:39

its all about meeting new people. Dont worry about it and maybe you guys could become friends?

hippodankamus 22

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:40

Keep searching OP, you'll find the one eventually.

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:42

Friend zoned on a dating site...wow that's a new one

Mitchellbassists 29

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Thursday 12 March 2015 12:15

I think he was conveying he didn't want to date her rather than friend-zoning her. I may be wrong though.

DoomedGemini 37

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Thursday 12 March 2015 13:05

That's literally friendzoning. Someone doesn't want to date the person and the person feels it's the worst thing in the world

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Thursday 12 March 2015 13:44

Don't you kind of have to be friends first before you get friend zoned? This sounds like it was just a first date where the guy just wasn't interested in the girl.

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Thursday 12 March 2015 14:16

There's also nothing suggesting that he wanted to have a friendship after the date, so it's just plain old rejection.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Thursday 12 March 2015 17:38

I believe that's the exact opposite of "a need one"

AnFrickenTwan 19

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:42

Seems like a jerk! I'm sure your right guy will come along though!

ExtremeEncounter 32

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Thursday 12 March 2015 17:03

Sounds more like he just didn't want to take the relationship any further as he didn't feel anything. Not necessarily a jerk.

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:46

he surely isn't a keeper

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Thursday 12 March 2015 18:12

I don't think he cares either way

xxlittlemsanime 24

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:48

Seems like an asshole. Don't worry OP your Prince Charming will come soon.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Thursday 12 March 2015 17:39

maybe it was a first date?

Demon_of_Light 27

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Friday 13 March 2015 0:05

Why is he an asshole? It seems to me like they went on a date to see if they were compatible, and he felt like OP was not right for him. If it's not there, you can't force it.

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Tuesday 24 March 2015 20:43

Your right, but just come out and say it. Either end it or just say we can hang out since we're out anyway and try to have fun. Don't ask if they should keep coming here for dates.

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Thursday 12 March 2015 11:48

Better to find out now then after putting a lot of effort into it first. Good luck OP you will be fine.