Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going...

By Anonymous - 12/3/2015 03:19 - United States - Watertown

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

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By MochiMomoChan - 17/9/2009 09:32 - United States

Today, I found out I'm on wage garnishment because my mother, who took out a student loan for me back in '05, didn't pay off the $2015 owed when she said she would. I got screwed over financially because of her. FML

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By whatarethisss - 29/1/2016 16:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to teach my 16-year-old brother how to use a toaster. He thought you just plug it in and wait for it to "pre-heat." FML

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By Fractured - 31/3/2012 01:43 - United States

Today, I fractured a bone in my knee. Now not only do I have to wear a huge knee brace for the next two months, I'll have to sit around in a hotel room all of next week while my family has fun skiing in the mountains. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2014 19:13 - United States - Lexington

Today, I found out that someone had peed into the bottle of Febreze that we keep in the dorm bathroom. I found this out when I sprayed it onto my coat to get rid of a weird smell. FML

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By Anonyme - 17/12/2015 06:24 - France - Lyon

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2020 08:00

Keep your distance

Today, my roommate told me she had developed a rash on her armpits, which causes them to be itchy. The doctor told her the only way to heal it is to not wear deodorant for a month. FML

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By Quin - 31/5/2019 14:00

Today, I was running around the track at school PE with a lot of other students. I noticed a guy who smelled really bad and I thought to myself how disgusting that was and I felt bad for him. Later, I was changing and caught a whiff of my shirt. It wasn't him who was smelly. FML

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By Samantha - 31/5/2009 12:44 - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

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By donguigeek - 24/12/2015 04:32 - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2014 02:39 - United States - Baraboo

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

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By speechless - 2/11/2010 17:20 - Canada

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

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By GogurtBadass - 18/9/2013 16:55 - United States - Olympia

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

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By experience_to_get_experience - 21/9/2015 19:09 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I turned 25. I'm single, still living at home and doing an unpaid internship in an industry I have no interest in, because it was the only accepted application after 6 months of unemployment. The daily 45-minute drive means I'm losing money every week for being "employed" with a PhD. FML

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By lostbandana - 3/7/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML

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By Jack - 8/7/2011 15:10 - United States

Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

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By obsequiousfannyflapper - 10/2/2013 23:13 - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 06:07 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2009 22:38 - United States

Today, for my birthday, someone left a big bottle of mouth wash on my desk with a big bow on it. FML

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By Nafypoo - 21/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2019 00:07

Today, I was sitting in Walmart when I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with, "You know I'm a guy, right?" FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

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By bananaman - 11/4/2011 20:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2010 07:45 - United States

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

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By kashish0711 - 2/8/2009 16:14 - India

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

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By Ditzyfitzy - 9/1/2019 14:00

Today, after spending 2 years saving for my flights, I was denied boarding due to issues with my passport. I heading straight to the embassy only to be told a replacement will take 8 days. The airline will only hold my place for 7. FML

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By owowowow - 24/7/2010 01:30 - Canada

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

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By j0natron - 3/2/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2012 11:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

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By mybad - 11/9/2014 03:57 - United States

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2015 11:45 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2017 00:00

Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

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By confidence taken - 23/8/2014 06:26 - United States - Bay Springs

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

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By fatty magoo - 29/7/2014 18:20 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

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By Snoodist - 6/5/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML

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By urmommmm - 22/8/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

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By missy - 16/6/2011 02:42 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2009 01:23 - Japan

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

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By 420SUX - 4/8/2012 06:17 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I caught my boyfriend staring at my sister through the doorway while we were having sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

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Top comments

By Peacelove0404 | 26

#6229932 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:34

Well now you know that he isn't your right person either. Don't give up hope OP :)

By wtffml1979 | 22

#6229947 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:48

Better to find out now then after putting a lot of effort into it first. Good luck OP you will be fine.

Comments

By Peacelove0404 | 26

#6229932 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:34

Well now you know that he isn't your right person either. Don't give up hope OP :)

apitrix | 24

#6230011 - Thursday 12 March 2015 13:40

OP, maybe you should tell him what he should stick! Best luck and happy hunting for your dream person :)

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6230121 - Thursday 12 March 2015 17:36

however, I think if its a first date, up to say the 4th, it's an acceptable question. what'll he say? "oh thank god I can delete my profile now...."

By Space_Teddy | 29

#6229933 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:35

Sounds like a first and last date. Hope you'll find your prince Charming somewhere OP

By colton_colton | 49

#6229934 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:36

You'll find your perfect match! Don't worry about one online guy OP

By bearstyle22 | 11

#6229936 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:39

its all about meeting new people. Dont worry about it and maybe you guys could become friends?

By hippodankamus | 22

#6229938 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:40

Keep searching OP, you'll find the one eventually.

By dawood_k | 27

#6229939 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:42

Friend zoned on a dating site...wow that's a new one

Mitchellbassists | 29

#6229965 - Thursday 12 March 2015 12:15

I think he was conveying he didn't want to date her rather than friend-zoning her. I may be wrong though.

DoomedGemini | 37

#6229993 - Thursday 12 March 2015 13:05

That's literally friendzoning. Someone doesn't want to date the person and the person feels it's the worst thing in the world

TylerDV | 11

#6230015 - Thursday 12 March 2015 13:44

Don't you kind of have to be friends first before you get friend zoned? This sounds like it was just a first date where the guy just wasn't interested in the girl.

kylieh72 | 25

#6230023 - Thursday 12 March 2015 14:16

There's also nothing suggesting that he wanted to have a friendship after the date, so it's just plain old rejection.

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6230122 - Thursday 12 March 2015 17:38

I believe that's the exact opposite of "a need one"

By AnFrickenTwan | 19

#6229941 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:42

Seems like a jerk! I'm sure your right guy will come along though!

ExtremeEncounter | 32

#6230103 - Thursday 12 March 2015 17:03

Sounds more like he just didn't want to take the relationship any further as he didn't feel anything. Not necessarily a jerk.

By aubamas | 20

#6229943 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:46

he surely isn't a keeper

IAmzephyr | 22

#6230145 - Thursday 12 March 2015 18:12

I don't think he cares either way

By xxlittlemsanime | 24

#6229946 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:48

Seems like an asshole. Don't worry OP your Prince Charming will come soon.

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6230123 - Thursday 12 March 2015 17:39

maybe it was a first date?

Demon_of_Light | 27

#6230407 - Friday 13 March 2015 0:05

Why is he an asshole? It seems to me like they went on a date to see if they were compatible, and he felt like OP was not right for him. If it's not there, you can't force it.

wtffml1979 | 22

#6242291 - Tuesday 24 March 2015 20:43

Your right, but just come out and say it. Either end it or just say we can hang out since we're out anyway and try to have fun. Don't ask if they should keep coming here for dates.

By wtffml1979 | 22

#6229947 - Thursday 12 March 2015 11:48

Better to find out now then after putting a lot of effort into it first. Good luck OP you will be fine.