Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized...

By brutality - 15/6/2009 05:38 - Canada

Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41826

You deserved it

4095

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Great guy

Bad guy (duh)

By noonotme - 5/9/2010 21:51 - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27362

You deserved it

6629

Favorite

By Liav - 23/1/2017 12:00

Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5762

You deserved it

1642

Favorite

By erptwerp - 8/3/2016 04:47 - United States

Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23332

You deserved it

1534

Favorite

By A.J. - 13/4/2019 08:00 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1772

You deserved it

156

Favorite

By single - 15/12/2017 10:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend got paid by the richest guy in our school to go to the Winter Formal with him. She took up the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5107

You deserved it

483

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/9/2014 15:03 - United States - Chelan

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43377

You deserved it

5303

Favorite

By ANNIEDBD - 23/3/2012 09:44 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26928

You deserved it

2114

Favorite

By hail science - 10/9/2019 00:01

Today, I found out that my mother, who's been against me seeking treatment for my cancer, has been going to different churches and charities to get donations for her "poor ailing daughter." I've not seen a dime of this money, and my mom just tells me to pray my cancer away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2421

You deserved it

Favorite

By exchange - 17/12/2009 05:00 - Ireland

Today, I leave Ireland after a 5 month study abroad. Today also happens to be the day that the price of alcohol decreases by 30%, the dollar increases by 15% and the girl I have been chasing the whole time, to no avail, finally decides to show an interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43939

You deserved it

3020

Favorite

By Pissy pants - 24/11/2018 13:30

Today, I had a horrible headache on my way home from lunch. I pulled over and vomited so forcefully I peed my pants, a lot. I had pee in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3079

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By Bonapp - 9/2/2012 22:11 - France

Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32473

You deserved it

9750

Favorite

By sillystring - 13/10/2009 10:09 - China

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33678

You deserved it

3169

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/7/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12840

You deserved it

91082

Favorite

By looz - 29/12/2009 07:21 - France

Today, I went out for a drink with my girlfriend. Everything was going smoothly until her phone rang, she took the call and cut whoever it was off quite quickly by saying "I can't talk right now, I'm in the middle of a break-up". I certainly wasn't aware. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34604

You deserved it

2114

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/6/2013 22:52 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48151

You deserved it

3896

Favorite

By latino14 - 15/6/2012 11:27 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12075

You deserved it

39257

Favorite

By ElamentalAngel - 6/5/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17286

You deserved it

83706

Favorite

By greenhide8 - 28/5/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19960

You deserved it

45943

Favorite

By Ex-Employee - 31/7/2016 02:14 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14053

You deserved it

997

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37727

You deserved it

7752

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/3/2020 15:00

Crossed Wires

Today, while on Grindr, I saw that this guy I'm friends with and have liked for a while now had messaged me. I got all excited, just for it to be a picture of him flipping me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1348

You deserved it

190

Favorite

By you fuckhobbit - 23/12/2012 22:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on my favourite forum when I saw a guy ranting at some pro-lifer fanatic. For fun, I replied "umad bro?" apparently moments after the forum founder also left an angry reply. I'm now banned for a month for "trolling the founder" and all my posts have vanished without a trace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12018

You deserved it

36376

Favorite

By cul8erqtpie20 - 3/1/2012 16:35 - United States

Today, I found out my roomie has lost her only source of income. This means I'm responsible for all the bills and the rent. I would kick her out and get someone else, but she's my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35169

You deserved it

4694

Favorite

By Tay - 17/2/2012 01:29 - Australia

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28451

You deserved it

2710

Favorite

By Aleial - 19/11/2011 08:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's "therapy" meetings have been with my best friend, in his truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46347

You deserved it

4036

Favorite

By missunlucky - 18/2/2010 00:24 - Czech Republic

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27865

You deserved it

9883

Favorite

By ArsonistsLullaby - 21/9/2016 21:02 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. When he slid his penis in, he felt my NuvaRing, and with the most excitement I've ever seen a man muster, said, "Oh my god! You have your clit pierced! I can't believe I actually get to have sex with a girl who has her clit pierced!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

12713

You deserved it

1693

Favorite

By rj - 6/3/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after 24 hours of severe tooth pain. They did an emergency root canal. After the anesthesia wore off, within minutes, the pain returned only worse than before. Called the dentist, I had to return, only to find they had done the root canal on the wrong tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47142

You deserved it

3022

Favorite

By seablue - 11/6/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I wrote a poem for this guy I am falling for. Before telling him that I wrote it, he read it and then laughed at how "corny and stupid" it was because he would "never date someone who could come up with something that lame." The poem was about how vulnerable he makes me feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54214

You deserved it

16464

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/4/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30009

You deserved it

4141

Favorite

By inked - 5/2/2012 05:54 - United States

Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15333

You deserved it

31124

Favorite

By Badab1ng - 24/11/2011 06:52 - United States

Today, things were getting heated with my girlfriend, so I tried taking her shirt off. Slapping my hands away, she said, "I was only dating you to get my self-confidence up, I'm good now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46025

You deserved it

4241

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house after working a night shift. The door was locked and, so I wouldn't wake his parents, I called him. Twelve times. Each call went to voicemail and I was left standing outside in the freezing rain until he finally let me in. What was he doing? Playing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6728

You deserved it

1111

Favorite

By tmac05 - 13/11/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, the waiter farted while I was on a date. My date thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33732

You deserved it

2989

Favorite

By Caitlin - 10/6/2010 00:46 - United States

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11271

You deserved it

45629

Favorite

By ugh - 28/4/2009 21:49 - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20926

You deserved it

57358

Favorite

By punaise ... - 5/12/2014 02:12 - France - Marchaux

Today, to avoid walking on a thumbtack that had fallen on the floor, my little sister took a red sharpie to the carpet and drew a circle around it, "so that way, everyone will see it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32659

You deserved it

3056

Favorite

By Ohai - 16/1/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40419

You deserved it

3049

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/2/2016 12:53 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25639

You deserved it

2164

Favorite

By jacked - 17/4/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55969

You deserved it

9717

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By gingermonster16 | 0

#306857 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:56

You should have been like "Butch Megan? That's it?! That's a relief. I'd feel dirty repeating the nicknames I'd heard about you guys back in the office."

By redbluegreen | 40

#306837 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:42

That's awful.

I had a stripper nickname I didn't know about but everyone referred to me as, even my mom.
But the FML is already over, you see. You can just walk away now.

COMMENTS

By amknmaz | 0

#306828 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:39

1st , no comment

By Sawadee | 0

#306829 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:39

You should just walk away without looking back.....they hate you anyway

By OmniFML | 0

#306836 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:42

They must be scared of you then. When they leave the bar the next time you're there; mug 'em with a trolley pole.

By redbluegreen | 40

#306837 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:42

That's awful.

I had a stripper nickname I didn't know about but everyone referred to me as, even my mom.
But the FML is already over, you see. You can just walk away now.

By Invioletlight | 0

#306840 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:44

do you wear a lot of plaid shirts?

By silly_kate | 0

#306841 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:45

on the bright side, if you're as butch as they say you are, you're more manly than them (assuming their dudes).
what #4 said, you can always just ignore shit like that!

By dweeman | 0

#306842 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:45

#1... what the hell. have you missed all the posts where people have said they dont care that you're first? and why comment at all if you don't have a comment. you are a retard.

OP thats not very nice :( oh well just put it behind you. enjoy life

By iLIAMMM | 0

#306843 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:46

Uhmm....so?
You don't work there anymore. Suck it up.

billionair11 | 20

#5805186 - Thursday 26 December 2013 4:19

What?

By passwordvixen | 0

#306845 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:46

Adding on to number five do you wear a lot of plaid shirts AND have sex with women?

By dweeman | 0

#306846 - Monday 15 June 2009 12:47

#1 what the hell... have you missed all the comments all over this site where people say they dont care if you are first? maybe you should listen to them. NO ONE CARES.
and why comment at all if you don't have something to say...

OP that isn't nice :( try and put it behind you and enjoy life