Miscellaneous: Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 42

10/12/2010 08:24

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 890

You deserved it 5 689

Leave us alone

The ole answer/forward conundrum

The more the merrier

05/08/2018 19:00

Today, even though I'm the most neat freak germophobe there is, I was diagnosed with scabies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 754

You deserved it 392

12/07/2014 16:09

Today, my brother decided to help me artificially age some of my artwork by singeing the edges slightly. Apparently "my brother set fire to my homework" isn't a valid excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 798

You deserved it 6 427

02/01/2012 06:45

Today, I found out that, after offering to fill out my student aid application for me, my mother sent all of my personal information to a scam site instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 835

You deserved it 4 407

11/12/2016 20:34

Today, I got shot in the leg while taking a firearms safety course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 140

You deserved it 1 135

Do not want

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 08:01

Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 2 541

Shameless

By lying fuck! - 22/06/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 920

You deserved it 163

07/01/2012 14:12

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 052

You deserved it 14 777

19/10/2010 02:40

Today, I had just finished re-completing all my assignments because I had lost my USB last week. I reached into my pocket for gum, instead I found the USB that I had apparently lost. I spent my weekend alone rather than spending time with my friends. I don't have another weekend off for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 238

You deserved it 29 115

I blame the parents

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 20:01

Today, after being kicked out of our school for leaving the country, neither of my guardians want to take charge of our education. So me, being sixteen, I have to do hundreds of assignments for my sister and me, who was already supposed to have graduated. Yay "Home schooling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 104

09/11/2012 07:26

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 545

You deserved it 2 363

07/10/2018 12:00

Today, I hit someone’s car and got arrested for a DUI. I had to tell my parents so they could remove me from the insurance. My mom's response in the background after I told my dad was "I knew it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 4 250

28/02/2012 15:51

Today, the only thing that cheered me up was a documentary about IKEA, and seeing how my furniture was made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 897

You deserved it 4 337

06/02/2016 11:56

Today, after a snowstorm my son decided that boarding off the roof onto my truck would be fun. My truck now has a puncture wound. The same truck that drove him to the hospital for his puncture wound and broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 847

You deserved it 1 872

03/05/2018 05:00

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 070

You deserved it 581

20/11/2014 19:48

Spicy

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 427

You deserved it 9 387

19/08/2009 09:08

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 559

You deserved it 3 779

04/10/2011 15:10

Today, my friend decided to jump out of a moving car. I had to explain to the nice old lady who stopped that my friend who was convulsing on the ground wasn't on drugs, he's just really stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 383

You deserved it 3 202

04/05/2019 18:00

Today, I found out I did so horrible during my interview that I didn’t even get a rejection email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 238

12/02/2012 21:50

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 973

You deserved it 29 401

18/11/2014 01:04

Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a chinese restaurant, only to get nervous and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 526

You deserved it 7 608

27/10/2009 00:42

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 123

You deserved it 3 887

21/10/2018 16:00

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 186

You deserved it 219

19/05/2015 01:22

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 055

You deserved it 7 339

28/07/2009 01:20

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 247

You deserved it 44 936

25/11/2013 17:38

Spicy

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 750

You deserved it 19 266

12/09/2009 06:58

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 097

You deserved it 2 830

21/05/2013 11:42

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 427

You deserved it 3 485

19/01/2010 19:26

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 144

You deserved it 2 995

27/10/2014 16:44

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 374

You deserved it 3 332

20/11/2014 15:23

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 919

You deserved it 3 192

11/01/2014 02:25

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 879

You deserved it 9 582

25/03/2009 05:06

Today, my watch broke so I casually mentioned to my dad that I needed a new one. A little while later he hands me this really nice watch. He says, "Here, this one's been lying around for a while". It was the watch I gave him for Father's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 917

You deserved it 4 948

06/06/2009 16:01

Today, I discovered my boyfriend of 5 months runs a website where men can submit nude or semi nude pictures of their ex's for revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 769

You deserved it 5 606

02/06/2009 11:05

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 539

You deserved it 5 361

07/11/2009 08:04

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 010

You deserved it 10 741

10/01/2013 20:52

Spicy

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 996

You deserved it 6 748

30/03/2013 20:38

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 435

You deserved it 15 592

Happy Mother's Day

By ImScrewed - 10/05/2021 05:01

Today, I had my husband’s family over. Our adopted 4 year-old daughter drew a cute card and gave it to me saying, "Happy Mother’s Day mommy! I love you." My mother-in-law scoffed, "She’s infertile and not even your real mom, but ok." Now our daughter won’t stop asking all sorts of questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 55

28/07/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 221

22/06/2013 07:20

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 686

You deserved it 3 820

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:27

You know, if you are very unattractive to women, you are probably going to strike out often with gay guys, too. May I send you some pamphlets on the benefits of asexuality?

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:19

did you explain to her that that's not it at all, that the fact is you just really like cock?

Comments

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:06

fuck your life

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Friday 10 December 2010 17:46

lol ikr

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:07

LMAO! Awesome mom.

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:26

she wins the Mom award of the year.

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:07

Wow. That's terrible. FYL.

HesJustTheBest 0

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:10

Ouch. Mom burns are the worst (aside from grandma burns). Guess there's only one way to prove it to your mom OP.

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:13

Yeah. Bring home a guy for dinner, and French him in front of her.

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:26

shed definitely believe him if he Australian kissed him.

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:31

Australian kisses are the best.

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Friday 10 December 2010 17:36

forget the kisses. do every possible position on her bed

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Friday 10 December 2010 18:27

win!!!1!!one!!

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:16

aww. does somebody need a virtual hug?

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:18

Why do you love rain?

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:26

..what?

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:28

ohh, my profile. haha, I don't know..I like the rainbow it leaves? haha. dunno.

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:47

Yeah, the rainbows are nice...I've just always found the rain itself rather depressing.

xXDubbleChic 11

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Friday 10 December 2010 17:00

u look EXACTLY like my friend Mikenna. she's really nice

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Friday 10 December 2010 17:08

^ Who does? yumsugarr or me? I hope it's not me. :-)

akwes 0

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Friday 10 December 2010 18:14

weak lol

whycantisignup 24

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Thursday 19 March 2015 14:26

#54: Don't be a jerk, spread positivity, not negativity :D

rattusrattus 18

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:17

Oh the joys of having a supportive family... [/extreme, dripping sarcasm]

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:19

wow your mom is outta touch

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:19

did you explain to her that that's not it at all, that the fact is you just really like cock?

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Wednesday 13 April 2016 5:26

Too bad some women, like my "mother figure" went crazy thinking I'm the freaging devil. I don't want to hear a complaint. One is funny. The other is a guy attempting to fence with a shovel.

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:27

just tell her that to you females have nothing on men

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:59

Bros before Hos mom!

perdix 29

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:27

You know, if you are very unattractive to women, you are probably going to strike out often with gay guys, too. May I send you some pamphlets on the benefits of asexuality?

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Friday 10 December 2010 16:29

lol Win

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Friday 10 December 2010 18:02

Way to not get the joke, 50.