Health: Drugs are bad, mkay?

OP here, yes of course i broke up with her over it, which she still thinks I'm over reacting to. I ended up calling for more pain pills but they wouldn't approve me any more that fast. I ended up just dealing with the pain on my own while being bitched out for being selfish.

Health

Our house, in the middle of our street

Good kid

Wake up call

19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 379

You deserved it 2 726

13/04/2009 00:24

Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 583

You deserved it 20 201

20/01/2013 18:22

Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 492

You deserved it 7 522

09/10/2011 01:20

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 223

You deserved it 27 509

Age ain't nothing but a number

By why lie - 04/06/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend renewed his driver's license and showed me the picture. I told him he needed to go back because they'd put the wrong birthdate. Turns out the idiot forgot he’s been lying to me about his age the whole time we’ve been together. He’s not actually 30. He’ll be 43 in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 671

You deserved it 472

20/06/2009 06:01

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 602

You deserved it 3 706

17/04/2012 14:54

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 648

You deserved it 2 730

28/09/2009 07:12

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 663

You deserved it 33 062

16/03/2010 04:28

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 336

You deserved it 43 256

03/04/2009 14:37

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 849

You deserved it 5 844

13/07/2018 01:30

Today, I wore my first thong, which I bought weeks ago but was only just now brave enough to wear. As I was leaving, my little brother decided I really needed a wedgie. The thong garrotted my bum hole and I now have toilet paper up there because it won't stop bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 930

You deserved it 463

01/06/2011 05:43

Today, my girlfriend and I were driving to a costume party. On the way, we got into an argument and she kicked me out of her car. I had to walk around the city center in an Iron Man outfit trying to find the party venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 478

You deserved it 9 431

04/10/2013 02:56

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 386

You deserved it 4 654

08/12/2010 15:24

Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 894

You deserved it 3 185

29/11/2014 16:28

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 223

You deserved it 5 709

24/09/2015 20:15

Today, my sister and I checked into our cheap hotel in Brussels as part of our month-long Europe trip. At 11pm we awoke to the sound of a mouse chewing through a bag of food we'd bought. At 3am we awoke to bedbugs. We slept in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 921

You deserved it 3 815

05/02/2016 10:27

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 194

You deserved it 2 363

08/11/2012 11:09

Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 147

You deserved it 2 561

12/10/2011 03:34

Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 279

You deserved it 3 245

Chip on your shoulder

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 13:59

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. and ate some chips that were on my nightstand, totally unaware that they were covered in ants. Now I have two swollen lips and my kid’s birthday party is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 1 023

07/07/2019 06:00

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 110

30/10/2012 14:27

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 048

You deserved it 4 645

30/04/2009 17:42

Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 178

You deserved it 101 828

22/05/2009 22:21

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 533

You deserved it 3 806

19/08/2019 06:01

Today, I had to stand outside the changing room while two of my coworkers had noisy sex. I just needed my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 885

You deserved it 194

22/06/2010 12:59

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 449

You deserved it 4 354

30/05/2015 01:34

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 578

You deserved it 5 872

Helping hand

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 05:01

Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 263

24/09/2016 06:12

Today, after finally deciding to push past my extreme shyness, I talked to the person beside me in class. I was so nervous that when I went to take a sip of my coffee, it slipped out of my hand and splashed all over both of us. Not only did I ruin her white dress, but I also gave her mild burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 196

You deserved it 1 397

Thanks, "Bro"

By probably on death row soon - 25/12/2015 18:32

Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 090

You deserved it 1 581

31/05/2015 13:58

Today, a guy hit on me. It's such a rare occurrence that I didn't know how to react, so I panicked and said "Sorry, I have to go!" Then I remembered we were on a bus, and just turned around and awkwardly pretended he wasn't there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 008

You deserved it 7 080

17/09/2009 23:58

Today, my 7 year old daughter decided to use my laptop without my permission. She accidentally got SpaghettiOs on the screen, then used the hard side of a sponge, filled with soapy water, to scrub both the keyboard and screen of my laptop to clean it off so Mommy wouldn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 546

You deserved it 5 317

25/04/2009 04:35

Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy says "Mommy" and the mom looks down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walks out. The boy peed on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 996

You deserved it 2 602

28/01/2017 12:00

Today, I was feeling depressed, so I decided to go snowboarding with friends to cheer myself up. I fell on the first trail and broke my dominant wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 767

You deserved it 560

16/01/2010 07:22

Today, I got called into work and I was really excited to earn some extra money. One block from getting there I get pulled over. Apparently my tags were expired, and there goes half a weeks pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 470

You deserved it 27 212

03/03/2014 19:58

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 630

You deserved it 4 901

10/10/2010 21:45

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 679

You deserved it 6 274

Send 'em in anyway

By mega_bite - 25/08/2021 13:31

Today, again I wrote out another FML. Again, I deleted it before posting. Every FML I write would seem like I'm just making stuff up, or would be so obviously me that it would just cause me grief. My life is just an endless stream of weird stuff I can't tell family or friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 248

13/03/2009 04:26

Today, I was using the elliptical when I got a bad wedgie. All the ellipticals are up against a wall so after trying to pick it I finally decided to just pull down the back of my pants and underwear. I then remembered there was a window to a yoga class behind me. I mooned them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 390

You deserved it 57 366

02/11/2009 09:03

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 887

You deserved it 2 329

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Top comments

Ghostrui 27

Sunday 3 June 2018 7:55

I'm usually against saying "dump'em," but yeahhh...this isn't a minor issue that can be resolved through communication or just some unfortunate accident with a bad outcome. She stole from you to get high and doesn't think it's a big deal.

manb91uk 22

Send a private message

Friday 15 June 2018 19:32

Your should-be-your-ex girlfriend is a thoughtless selfish junkie

Comments

Ghostrui 27

Sunday 3 June 2018 7:55

real life problems 26

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 June 2018 7:59

Oh for sure. Back to the dating scene it is.

Jurbla 14

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Friday 15 June 2018 20:15

I'll add that it's not even just stealing a sentimental or expensive object for cash, she stole your pain meds days after a major surgery with no concern for the pain you'd be in. I don't like to tell you, but that's typical drug addict behavior. She doesn't have to act like a stereotypical junkie or have no redeeming qualities to be someone whom distance should be kept. There's a difference between saying someone is a bad person or a lost cause and recognizing that they're not a healthy person for you to be so close with at this time. Good luck, OP.

alycion 38

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Saturday 16 June 2018 11:48

Unfortunately, there is a way to get a refill, but you have to tell them what happened and may need her to back the story. Though with the new laws, that may not even work anymore. When I was using opiates for pain management, it was in the agreement I signed. I’ve since switched to MMJ, so I haven’t kept up on the changes in the laws.

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 15 June 2018 19:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Spiritbird 17

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Monday 18 June 2018 8:36

Lol 0 upvotes? It doesn't even look that offensive. It was just a little joke guys, he wasn't serious. I upvote.

Tarlachia 33

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Friday 15 June 2018 19:10

Sober her up with a Afuckenbrek. Permanent dosage.

Amber Rutledge 11

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Sunday 17 June 2018 21:27

😂

manb91uk 22

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Friday 15 June 2018 19:32

Your should-be-your-ex girlfriend is a thoughtless selfish junkie

Kurliez408 32

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Friday 15 June 2018 19:55

Wait until her period and tell her the same thing.

Cossy Beecham 2

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Friday 15 June 2018 20:02

That sucks, that’s horrible to do with someone else medication.

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

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Friday 15 June 2018 20:04

dump that pill popper

Lillysar91 20

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Friday 15 June 2018 20:06

She’s a qualified Dr to say so? Moronic and sub educational

Seeya55 31

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Friday 15 June 2018 20:14

You don't get a refill, you call your doctor and tell them what happened. You should be written a new script. Hell, ask them for a blood test to prove you're not doping them. Hide them once you can get more.

campdude90 15

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Monday 18 June 2018 9:21

Urine is actually more accurate than blood because it has a longer half-life in the urine.

campdude90 15

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Monday 18 June 2018 9:22

If the pharmacy it’s a fill too soon, Insurance company can override it as a lost/stolen medication.

John Nemeth 14

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Friday 15 June 2018 20:16

You always have to wonder what would have happened if she had asked if she could take them Girlfriend: “Hey babe can I take your pain medication that you got from your shoulder surgery that causes you to be in lots of pain?” I feel like an asshole for just typing that.

chris_lillo 15

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Friday 15 June 2018 20:44

And that is exactly why she didn't ask. If she truly didn't think it would matter or OP would not be hurting than she would have asked