Miscellaneous: Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 56

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 1 026

05/11/2012 05:39

Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 295

You deserved it 4 853

The smell detective is on the case

Broken heart

The Blob

Flipped the bird

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 05:59

Today, a client walked into my store with a duck in her hands. I had to explain to her that she couldn't bring the bird shopping with her. We got a 1-star review. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 89

10/09/2011 18:19

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 685

You deserved it 2 782

04/05/2015 23:08

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 433

You deserved it 28 441

22/04/2016 00:30

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend, we were stuck behind a 7-car accident for 2 hours in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 391

You deserved it 4 988

29/09/2015 02:01

Today, while showering, I broke the cap off the shampoo. Not my shampoo, my roommate's. The $60 shampoo I swore I wouldn't touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 295

You deserved it 34 596

18/09/2013 21:47

Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 667

You deserved it 4 815

Report card

By Jussy - 26/01/2021 17:01

Today, while assisting my kindergartener with distance learning, it became apparent what an incompetent bumbling mess his teacher is. In-person learning resumes next week, and I'm terrified to leave my child in a classroom with this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 106

03/09/2012 02:07

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 2 468

08/08/2009 09:42

Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 188

You deserved it 4 920

29/07/2016 22:53

Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 276

You deserved it 2 039

12/03/2009 00:26

Spicy

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 185

You deserved it 79 016

29/05/2010 05:28

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 029

You deserved it 14 557

Sounds lovely

By akvan - 30/10/2020 06:01

Today, my coworker, who keeps calling me Mexican even though she knows I'm not, is telling everyone that I act like a bitch to our boss, even though she's the one who is always contradicting and fighting with her, and I always try to keep everything professional. No other jobs are calling me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 58

01/05/2018 19:00

Today, my boss had me walk a mile to the nearest store to get food for a party because she didn't want to lose her parking space at work. Her shopping list had two gallons of juice and a 10lb bag of ice... I had my legs and arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 391

It's alive!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 01:09

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 565

You deserved it 4 342

28/10/2010 03:27

Spicy

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 271

You deserved it 34 925

03/07/2016 12:52

Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 725

You deserved it 1 371

24/08/2015 04:25

Spicy

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 001

You deserved it 27 032

17/10/2013 16:34

Today, I spent an excruciating hour walking to campus with a broken leg, only to find my professor had left a note on the door saying class was canceled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 822

You deserved it 3 825

Singalong

By shtzbutnogiggles - 17/05/2016 14:10

Today, I was at a concert and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, this was cut short when the person behind me with the worst halitosis started singing along to the songs. He knew ALL the lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 069

You deserved it 1 006

16/07/2012 08:12

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 247

You deserved it 5 451

28/07/2009 18:59

Today, I had two minutes to get to the bus stop which usually takes me eight minutes. I had to catch that bus to be at work at the hospital in time. I was in such a hurry, I didn't have the time to tie my shoe laces. I ran with untied shoe laces. I did end up in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 493

You deserved it 14 927

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 206

You deserved it 9 312

09/03/2009 19:30

Spicy

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 205 093

You deserved it 15 358

10/05/2016 17:14

Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 413

You deserved it 2 163

12/05/2015 03:02

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 840

You deserved it 2 082

05/12/2010 12:48

Today, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me, but adamantly insisted I didn't move out of our apartment, because he can't pay the rent alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 492

You deserved it 3 914

05/07/2019 05:58

Today, while we were in a hotel, I got so drunk I apparently couldn't find my room, and passed out in the corridor. I woke up to see hotel staff calling security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 1 916

24/05/2016 12:57

Today, my boyfriend's mum begged me to stay with my boyfriend because she says I'm the only one who can actually get him through college and into a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 635

You deserved it 1 026

31/01/2010 17:07

Today, while at a party, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" started playing. For being the only one who didn't know the lyrics, I had beer thrown on me, my shirt stolen, and I was locked outside for half an hour. It's below freezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 884

You deserved it 37 568

27/05/2009 11:44

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 142

You deserved it 5 775

15/04/2009 18:18

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 911

You deserved it 6 006

13/06/2015 01:56

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 780

You deserved it 2 121

Waiting anxiously

By ProFesser - 28/03/2017 16:00

Today, while heading outside to go to work, I slip on my driveway and my coffee thermos-mug ends up flying out of my hand, and smashes my next door neighbor's brand new truck window. The thermos-mug broke and splashed hot coffee all over his seats too. He's a hard-ass military dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 471

You deserved it 684

23/01/2011 07:21

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 543

You deserved it 8 332

09/02/2015 04:47

Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 310

You deserved it 3 188

07/06/2012 21:26

Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 610

You deserved it 39 095

08/03/2009 05:47

Spicy

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 168

You deserved it 8 175

Hangry dude

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 20:01

Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 206

This is America

By ChiefKoala - 20/10/2019 22:00

Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 209

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:17

Ouch, brutally honest grandma strikes again.

supportcommand 17

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:19

Ahhh grandparents... Keeping it real and not giving a fuck!

Comments

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:17

Fix yourself!

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:25

"Fix yourself" Boys, this is one of the reason we can't have nice things. So what if she is a little chubbier than her mom? No need to "fix her" Unless she is actually in the danger of her weight killing her. And weight is a delicate matter for some people, so yeah.

loloalltheway 23

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:26

If she is happy the way she looks I don't think OP should "fix" herself.

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 13:06

Is op broken??

random_stuff 15

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 13:13

As much as I agree with the others, it almost sounds like a command you would hear in JROTC, when you don't preform a command correctly.

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 13:19

If it offends her obviously its an issue with her. Therefore fix it. Either be happy with yourself or fix yourself!

IAmJad 18

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 13:59

13- if she was happy with the way she looked, she never would've posted to FML. However, "fix yourself", is a terrible way to put it, implying that anyone over weight is broken.

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 14:10

Duct tape for whatever needs fixing :3

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 14:44

They are broken why do you think so many overweight people have health issues?

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 15:01

Tcd. It an depend on how overweight a person is, I know several overweight persons without health problems. There are usually "overweight" and morbidly obese. And for some people, a "extra" layer of fat can be beneficial

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 15:19

Kee. I agree but like i said before if shes not happy fix it? If shes confident in herself and happy it shouldn't matter what anyone says. So either lose weight to be happy or accept herself. "Fix herself"

biggestfan23 11

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 16:09

#36 please explain how an extra layer of fat is beneficial

CyborgBanana 12

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 16:21

41 - Because it protects the person's hidden abs. ;)

Tuffay 14

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 17:20

41 - Well, if you are in Alaska, and fall in the Sea, the extra layer of fat might keep you alive a couple minutes more than a skinny person. That is all for now. Thanks for reading!

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 17:56

Op could be 96 lbs. what do you know. Who knows how skinny her mom was? And at 180 I'm a hell of a lot healthier than my 108 lb sister.

SenselessPattern 12

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 22:00

So if you're skinny, stay the hell out of Alaska.

princessbits 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 November 2012 3:04

49, just because someone is skinny doesn't mean that they're unhealthy. Some people, myself included, cannot keep on weight for their life. It's just like people who can't seem to keep weight off.

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:17

Ouch, brutally honest grandma strikes again.

sirpantselot 22

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:24

That should become a new meme.

patrickalamo 47

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 13:21

Suck it up buttercup...The truth sometimes hurts...

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 13:54

I say get her a bowl of hard candy and shut her up. Oh, no? Ok then.

supportcommand 17

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:19

Ahhh grandparents... Keeping it real and not giving a fuck!

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 13:22

Since too long ago!

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:19

Grandmas can be so harsh! My grandma wouldn't stop telling me I need to lose weight, when I was really in the healthy weight range. Maybe something is wrong with their glasses! But op, I'm sure both you and your mother are beautiful. There is nothing wrong with having a bit more of a figure!

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 13:32

Actually I'm pretty sure there is a health issue caused by having a little more "figure"

syki 22

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 14:59

Depending on how old gran is, I kind of assumed that fatter might be a good thing. If OP's mother was skinny and OP is curvier. I suppose it doesn't apply if OPM wasn't a rail...

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 15:04

Not always, 25. Some people are just naturally a little bit bigger, and it would be unhealthy for them to diet and lose a lot of weight.

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 17:58

It's unhealthy for m husband to drop below 220 lb. and do me to go below 145. Some people just aren't built to e skinny. And a lot of bigger people are healthier than their thin counterparts.

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 21:43

I am not fat! I am just big boned damn it! :D lol

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 November 2012 18:43

My grandma is positive I have an eating disorder because I'm naturally skinny. I have to stuff myself when I visit her to prove that I eat- and even that's not enough!

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:19

Ouch grandma. Mine says shit like that too, I theorise that tact decreases as age increases!

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 13:45

No need to theorize, I think that is fact... Why give a fuck when you know you're gonna die soon?

helen_ellexo 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 July 2013 5:44

Well if her grandma is still alive, then I'm sure OP has got a long life ahead of her

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:20

For some reason, I really don't think she meant it in a mean way. She was just stating the truth as she saw it. If she called you like a fat slob or something mean then it'd be a different story...

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:23

In today's world what can you expect. Enjoy Grandma's humor as well as her straightfoward honesty because soon it won't be there.

astoryofroses 9

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:24

everyone is built differently and just because you're not a stick doesn't mean you're not beautiful

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 13:34

It's not that she has to be a stick, it's that she can't be a fucking ball

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 November 2012 15:53

Fat is unhealthy.

miserypoison 13

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:24

What if your mom at your age was immensely underweight and you were of course, ideally fatter. :D

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 12:25

Ok a little harsh, but old people just speak their minds, she didn't mean much by it and probably didn't want to hurt your feelings. I could be wrong, you could have a nasty, spiteful hag of a grandma, but if it's not the case, relax, it's not so bad.